


"You didn't see that coming?" got old real fast

by GeorgeCantWrite



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Wanda Maximoff, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Returns, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky Barnes-centric, Deaf Clint Barton, Hurt Pietro Maximoff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Pietro Maximoff Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-10-28 21:31:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 80,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10839846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeorgeCantWrite/pseuds/GeorgeCantWrite
Summary: Bucky is brought back to the Avengers Tower courtesy of Steve Rogers and soon finds a silver-blue blur is around the Tower and no-one bats an eye. Clint is often seen tripping up said blur, but Bucky doesn't know what the blur is.Steve has to explain because Bucky is clueless and doesn't know what's going on.





	1. Bucky is tired already

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky sort of meets Pietro for the first time, not that he's complaining.  
> They all may seem slightly OOC, since I am tired and can't write (hence username, har, har).  
> Enjoy!

"Bucky, it'll be fine, the others understand," Steve said as he pulled Bucky into the Tower and smiling at the receptionist as he dragged Bucky by his metal arm. Bucky gave him a look, but didn't say anything. He'd remembered a fair amount of stuff from the forties, not all of it, but a good amount; he was able to recognise who Steve was (which was a huge improvement from when they had first been reunited in the twenty-first century), he could recognise him from when he had been a skinny twig to when he was suddenly buff and had admittedly made Bucky slightly envious. Not that he would ever tell Steve this, of course.

He could remember falling from the train - which hurt like a bitch and then some - and remembered spending some quality time with H.Y.D.R.A, which included, trying to escape them for what must've been two decades and wishing he had died when he fell from the train. He had not wanted to submit to H.Y.D.R.A, but all the pain and trauma he had gone through, it felt like a miracle that he was still standing. He could remember the deaths that he had caused, though they were more prominent when he was asleep, but he could remember how the warm the blood had been when it ran down his face and hands, their bodies sometimes twisted into ungodly shapes.

Those things he usually spared Steve the details of.

Bucky noticed he was standing beside Steve and the others were looking at him almost expectantly. He raised an eyebrow deftly and looked over at Steve. He didn't know what to do, but he had already found fifteen different ways to escape and about thirty different ways to kill each of the people there. More or less, anyway.

"So, um, I found Bucky and he's going to be staying here," Steve said, a hint of his Cap voice leaking through, the authority clear. The others looked between them and nodded. Seemed like whatever Steve said was gospel.

The man, Clint Barton - weaknesses: hearing, Natalia Romanova and pet dog - _no, stop!_ \- smiled and waved at him before throwing something at him. Bucky caught it on reflex and noticed it was a chocolate bar. A frown made its way to his face briefly as he looked at Clint who gave him another smile.

"OK, Robocop, let's go set up your room," Tony Stark - weaknesses: arc reactor, Pepper Potts, Rogers - _fuck, stop_ -

"He's going to be sharing with me," Steve cut in. Tony raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why?" James Rhodes asked, stepping up to stand behind Tony. Steve glanced over at Bucky, who nodded mutely, unwrapping the chocolate bar and began to eat it - but a piece was missing? He was confused as to how that had happened since it was a new chocolate bar.

Fucking weird.

"Bucky sometimes gets nightmares and we don't think anyone else is strong enough to hold him down," Steve said. The silence was almost deafening.

"Didn't see that coming."

Bucky snorted.

He didn't bother to look up to see who had said it because frankly, he didn't care (though he did like how deep the voice was and how the thick foreign accent flowed over him). All Bucky currently wanted to do was to sleep and maybe have some food and just get off his feet for once. He could feel all the eyes on him in the room, but he didn't bother to look up to see the expressions that came with them. Instead, he ate his chocolate bar quietly and saw a silvery-blue blur out of the corner of his eye.

Steve said something else to the others, but Bucky didn't bother to pay any attention, looking up only when Steve said his name directly. Steve nodded his head to the side and Bucky let him know he acknowledged it before turning to clint and throwing the remainder of the chocolate bar back. Clint hadn't been facing him, but he still caught it. Bucky smirked a little; it would be hard to sneak up on Clint Barton when he was awake and functioning - and this was one of those rare times. Bucky felt like he would enjoy Clint as a friend (or maybe something more because what, being gay was legal now?) and felt like they would be able to connect better through shared experiences.

It was later that night that Bucky decided to speak up. He was in his bed opposite Steve's and was fiddling with some weird rubber ball Steve had given him.

"There was a weird blur," Bucky said and Steve looked up and over at him. "Know what it is?"

"Oh, that's Pietro - Pietro Maximoff. Boy doesn't know how to sit still. He's Wanda's twin brother and has super speed," Steve stated.

"Super," Bucky muttered before throwing the ball over at Steve who caught it lazily.

"Har, har, Buck. He's a good kid; bit irrational and rash when it comes to decision making, but still a good kid. He looked after Wanda ever since they were ten and their parents had been killed," Steve explained as he laid down on his bed, but turned his head so he could look at Bucky. Bucky had taken several quilts and pillows and had created some sort of fort around him. It looked comfy and Bucky would confirm as much if asked.

"How were they killed?" Bucky asked. For once, he was just generally curious and wasn't asking to try and get information for possible missions because _he didn't do that any more and he could be normal again._

"Tony's bombs had been used and one just killed their parents instantly. They survived the attack, but they've been together ever since. They're a good team, but they still have trouble opening up to the others," Steve said and Bucky sensed the unease of him mentioning Tony and what Stark Industries had previously been involved in. At least Tony had been able to move on and try and make Stark Industries something he could be proud of and knew exactly what was going on inside it.

"I'm sensing a but and it ain't my fine ass," Bucky said and Steve rolled his eyes. At least Bucky's wit was still there, even after everything he had been through.

"They have opened up to Clint a lot; he's kind of unofficially adopted them. Him and Pietro have this thing where they have this stupid little catchphrase, which Pietro had said earlier today when you first came,"

"He said the didn't see it coming shit?" Bucky questioned and turned his gaze from the ceiling to Steve, who nodded.

"Yeah. He's a bit blunt about stuff and it seems like he loves saying that,"

"Well, with that accent, I'm not surprised; he'd have the ladies swooning," Bucky murmured, but Steve had caught what he said - damn super soldier hearing.

"And the men?" Steve asked with a raised eyebrow. Bucky snorted a little and shook his head.

"Nah, I don't think so," Bucky said and curled up further into his fort, the quilts twisting to suit his demands. Steve rolled his eyes but pulled his own quilt over him and reached out to flick off the light. "Could you leave it on?" Bucky's words froze Steve in his movements. "I don't think the dark agrees with me at the moment,"

"That's OK, Buck. Whatever helps you sleep better,"

"Thanks, punk,"

"Jerk,"

Regardless, Bucky still had nightmares. And it fucking sucked.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bucky was awake before Steve and he honestly wasn't surprised. He slipped out of his fort and silently left the bedroom, tightening the sweatpants that were on his hips. The top half of him was bare; the idea of sleeping in clothing that went near his neck made him feel constricted, or that he was suffocating. He made it to the kitchen and started to make coffee. Even though there was the noise of the coffee maker, he could still hear something fast.

Had to be Pietro.

He looked around and saw nothing, not even the tell-tale silver-blue trails. Bucky bit his lip a little, but said nothing and turned his attention to the coffee maker. Only his cup wasn't there.

"Fuck me," Bucky whispered as he reached up to get another.

"If you want."

Bucky felt proud that he hadn't flinched at the sudden voice. When he turned around, there were definitely the tell-tale trails, and even a coffee stain. Bucky had to refrain from rolling his eyes as he turned back to what he had been doing. He managed it fairly well; he got his cup, set the type of coffee and waited.

And then the fucking cup vanished before his eyes.

What the fuck was Pietro doing?

He sighed a little and decided to give up. It was the asscrack of the morning and all he wanted was some coffee but this little shit was clearly having a whale of a time messing with Bucky. At least he wasn't afraid to do so. That was a nice sentiment, even if it meant the little shit was fucking him over when it came to coffee.

"Here,"

This time Bucky flinched away, raising his fists defensively. It was only Clint. He was holding both cups and had a sheepish look on his face.

"Pietro thinks it's hilarious to steal coffee cups from people and give them to me since I apparently drink the most coffee out of everyone here," Clint said and offered the cup to Bucky again. Even though he knew Clint wouldn't harm him or even try to at this early of a time in the morning, he still took it apprehensively and sniffed it for any potential poisons. Not sensing any, he sipped it and felt some pleasure as the scalding liquid burned its way down his throat.

"Why does he do that?"

"He thinks it's funny and likes to blame me. He might also have a slight crush on you or something and I honestly don't blame him," Clint said bluntly and Bucky admired how much Clint didn't give a fuck. He didn't look remotely ashamed and Bucky wished he could do that.

"Only slight?"

"Well, he totally didn't do laps around you when you first arrived,"

"CLINT!" The thick and heavy Sokovian accent rang and Clint was laughing in front of Bucky before promptly vanishing in a blur of silver and blue, his laughter faint as it sounded like it was several rooms away and probably was.

Well, that happened.

Clint's laughter died down abruptly and Bucky momentarily wondered if the two were gone for each other. They probably were. Something in Bucky's stomach churned uncomfortably and he didn't know what it was, so pushed the thought aside.

Completely confused (but what was new?) and in need of something to do, Bucky decided he wanted to go to the gym. But there was a problem. Where the fuck was the gym?

Steve had told him all about Jarvis and how it was some weird A.I. that Tony had created whenever it had been created. It didn't help that Bucky felt like an absolute twat asking the ceiling for directions to the gym.

"Um, Jarvis?" Bucky asked tentatively.

"Yes, Mr Barnes?" Jarvis replied almost immediately.

"Where's the gym?"

"It is two floors below, the third door on the left," Jarvis answered. "No-one is currently using them and I will most likely lock the doors for those who aren't Avengers,"

"Um, thanks," Bucky said, wondering how the A.I. would think to do something like that for someone like him.

God, the future was weird.

And so was Pietro.

_Pietro._

What a fucking strange person.

Bucky could feel people watching him as he did his stuff in the gym - some people were terrified, seeing him work on some things and not even break into sweat, whilst others looked impressed. But Pietro's was the weirdest. He was around the gym, but was too fast to see and could actually hide pretty well. Bucky did have a vague idea of where he would be, but didn't bother to look at Pietro. His mood fluctuated madly, from wanting to show off, to borderline Winter Soldier.

He was a fucking mess and probably in need of a hug.

Aside from Pietro who had been there the entire time, the other Avengers had also seen him train and workout. He knew they were judging him - maybe Clint, Steve and Natasha being the exceptions, but there was judgement nonetheless. He didn't know what Steve expected of him and honestly couldn't wait for him to take him aside and do something.

Bucky Barnes was a mess.

"Don't hurt your hands," Pietro's voice called when Bucky moved to the punchbag. Bucky didn't answer him. "Please?"

His mood had taken a drastic nosedive into what Bucky had dubbed _'fuck, it's bad'_. But then suddenly there were those bandages on his hands so that he wouldn't make his hands bleed from punching the damn thing. What was this kid's problem? Was he somehow obsessed with him? Man, the future was beyond weird.

Bucky sighed but turned his attention to the punchbag and honestly beat the shit out of it. It may have been more than one and may have hit the double digits, but each time, it would be replaced before he could blink. Did this kid think he could help Bucky? He had to give Pietro points for trying, despite seeing how quickly his mood changed.

Eventually, Steve came and dragged him out of the gym for food. At least Steve had the right idea to let Bucky eat in their shared room. Bucky and people wasn't usually a good mix and this would need some time.

A lot of time.


	2. Pietro tries, so therefore he shouldn't be criticised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has luggage and Pietro can bake apparently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter didn't save and I am so glad that I kept a backup on my laptop.  
> Thank you to those who have already left kudos!

Bucky was difficult, Pietro decided. He hardly spoke to people (Pietro didn't blame him), he spent a lot of his time either in the gym or with Steve or both.

Wanda thought he was fucking crazy.

"Leave Bucky alone," Wanda had told him when she had caught him staring at Bucky. He hadn't intended to be caught staring, he just couldn't help it. It was Bucky and Bucky meant _damn_.

"I'm not doing anything to him,"

"You could be making him uncomfortable," Wanda suggested as Vision came and sat beside her, smiling at Wanda in a way that made Pietro sick.

"Your boyfriend makes me uncomfortable," Pietro muttered under his breath, turning his attention to a few grains of salt on the table. He moved them about, using his speed because everything was feeling slow and he wanted to feel like he was in a normal time. He felt someone looking at him and looked up to see Bucky staring at his blurred hands curiously. At least he was curious. Bucky looked up at his face and saw him looking back and turned his attention to Steve, pulling his cup to his lips. Pietro lowered his head and smirked to himself.

They kind of got into a routine; Bucky would wake up at the asscrack of the morning if Steve wasn't already up and would go get coffee, go to the gym, and occasionally spar with Natasha or Steve (or even Clint sometimes) and Pietro would occasionally leave him food and water so that he wouldn't have to go to the kitchen and get any. Pietro understood that Bucky didn't want to go near the others, just in case anything that could possibly go wrong could be avoided to the best they could avoid them. It was nice; this unspoken friendship, but the things between the gym stuff was strange and Bucky didn't know what to do, having not done anything to do with emotions for maybe seventy years. He still needed Steve to help him through everything because after all, they were with each other until the end of the line.

He still didn't know how he felt about Pietro too; having memories of the forties and then suddenly being in the twenty-first century. It was all really overwhelming, especially since Pietro acted like what Tony called a 'playboy'. Bucky was able to hazard a guess as to what that was and wished he didn't feel these things.

Regardless, Bucky was thankful, Pietro could tell, but was wary of Pietro. He was a mystery to Bucky and that made him uneasy. He was glad Pietro kept his distance, but in doing that, it also made him cautious for he could see what he does from a distance and figure out whatever Bucky's weaknesses could be. Bucky stopped hitting the punchbag and rested his forehead against it, feeling the sweat dripping down his entire body.

He had to stop thinking about that stuff. Steve trusted Pietro -

\- _he trusted Crossbones_ -

Stop!

\- _who's to say he made the same mistake twice?_ -

"FUCK!"

The bag was suddenly across the gym, the insides spilling out like blood from a body would; Bucky panicked.

He collapsed to the floor, curling up in on himself, his fingers locking painfully in his hair.

"No, not again,"

There was blood, it was coming from bodies and was dripping down him, he was coated in it and he could taste it in his mouth. Everywhere he looked, there were mangled corpses of the ones he had killed, the image ingraining itself in his mind's eye.

"Bucky?"

He let out a pained noise that sounded more like a wounded animal than anything human.

Pietro's heart broke for him. He moved closer to Bucky, not sure on what to do, but wanted to help him.

"Jarvis?" Pietro asked thickly. He felt the burning in his eyes and tried to compose himself.

"Yes, Mr Maximoff?"

"Notify Cap that Bucky's in distress," he said, kneeling a few feet away from Bucky.

"Notified,"

"Bucky, it's OK," Pietro said calmly. His metal hand slammed into the floor, cracking it and making parts of it fly out.

"No, it's not!" Bucky cried out and Pietro bit his lip. "It _won't_ be, have you fucking seen me?"

"We all have problems," Pietro told him.

Before Bucky could reply, the gym door was kicked off its hinges courtesy of the American Golden Boy who strode in and sat next to Bucky, apparently not noticing the hole in the floor that currently had Bucky's metal hand inside it.

"What happened?" Steve asked, his voice wavering but deadly and it honestly terrified Pietro.

"He-he was just doing his stuff and then ripped the punchbag and pushed it away and started panicking,"

"Fuck," Steve hissed.

"Pietro, come with me," Pietro flinched at the touch of a hand on his shoulder and Clint's voice. He looked up and Clint nodded his head to the gaping hole Steve had created. Pietro sighed before hoisting himself up and followed Clint out of the gym. He couldn't help but glance back at Bucky huddled up on the floor, all helpless with Steve murmuring incoherent words to him as his body shook.

Pietro felt like a terrible person.

Clint lead the two of them back to their floor, where Lucky bounded towards them and had a good go at trying to knock Pietro over.

"What were you doing near Bucky?" Clint asked as Pietro scratched behind Lucky's ears.

"I was being nice," Pietro said. "I give him food and water so he doesn't go to the kitchen because he doesn't like it. But something happened and he started to freak out. I didn't do anything," Pietro said and then raised his hands up in a surrendering gesture.

"Maybe you should keep your distance? He hardly talks to Steve much and you're more or less always there when he's in the gym or doing whatever so maybe you might be unintentionally stressing him out? After being brainwashed, you're kinda always on edge and these things can make you freak out," Clint said, his tone way too casual and Pietro was hit with the reminder that Clint too had been brainwashed.

Fuck.

"Yeah, but he's always so lonely, and I don't want him to feel like he's alone?" Pietro ended up asking.

"Yeah, but maybe leave him alone for a while, or don't hover around as much; he'll come 'round eventually, he'll just need time," Clint said. "Besides, you're making your crush on him very obvious, so you might need to tone it down slightly."

Pietro felt his heart actually skip a beat. Well that was terrifying to find out.

"W-what?"

"You really just ask that?" Clint asked, looking far too smug. Prick.

"Shut up, asshole,"

"I'm just saying that you're not the best when it comes to hiding stuff," he said. "Bucky's got issues like the rest of us, but more extreme. So maybe give him space,"

"OK, I just - I -"

"Emotions are bullshit and so is life. Welcome to the world of having the universe against you; it sucks," Clint said.

"Thanks," Pietro said, smiling despite how he was feeling. Leave it to Clint to make light out of life.

"Now, Wanda's probably going to give you the same talk, so be wary,"

Pietro nodded and sighed before nudging Lucky towards Clint. The dog padded towards his owner and promptly attacked Clint, licking his face and wagging his tail.

"I might go shower," Pietro said and turned and sped away, the trails leaving the only evidence that he had been there.

"You can't avoid your sister," Clint called after him, even if Pietro didn't hear him.

The water was warm and loosened his muscles from the tension that had piled up. He didn't know what he was doing and didn't know what Bucky had been through. Pietro wanted to get to know Bucky and try and help him.

Something about Bucky was different. It was driving Pietro insane.

He spent an unbelievable amount of time in the shower - to him anyway; he was usually in and out almost instantly, but this time he needed the slowness that was life so that he could think.

"PIETRO!"

He ignored his sister. If she was really that bothered, she could look into his mind; she did that on a regular basis anyway, usually by accident. They weren't really that surprised, what with being twins and being so close that their minds were almost melded together.

He spent probably another half an hour inside the shower, letting the water soothe him. He finally got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and ruffled his hair with another.

"Jesus, Wanda!" Pietro hissed when he entered his room, turned and saw Wanda sitting on his bed silently.

"What? You didn't see that coming?" she asked and he made a face at her. "Yeah, I'll keep my distance from Bucky and make sure that I don't make him uncomfortable," he said. She smiled and stood up, walking towards him and patted his cheek.

"Bucky's mind is frayed and tattered. He needs time, space and soon emotional and mental support. We're a team and we're all going to help each other because we all have issues,"

"I know, I just ... everything feels weird and I want to look out for him,"

"You can do that, just maybe don't lurk around him; it's uncomfortable to see never mind being in that situation," Wanda said and Pietro sighed, but nodded.

"I'll be on my best behaviour,"

"Good, otherwise I would not hesitate to - what is the phrase? - smack you a new one. I'll leave you to your own devices." Wanda said and gave him a sly wink before leaving the room. Pietro's face felt like fire.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He tried to heed what they said, honestly, he did. He just couldn't help himself.

Pietro Maximoff may have made Bucky Barnes some cookies.

He had gotten up early and had taken his time to make sure he had made them right and wouldn't do a Vision and accidentally poison Bucky like Vision had done to Pietro. That sucked and he had been bedridden for two weeks. Wanda and Clint found it fucking hilarious. Pietro didn't. Vision needed to have a permanent ban from doing anything that involved food.

"What's the smell?" Bucky's tired voice asked from behind him. Pietro turned around and smiled at him.

"I am trying to make cookies," he said. "Which may or may not be for you," he said and felt his cheeks heating up. Bucky sauntered towards him, a small smirk on his face that Pietro could clearly see. So Bucky was in a better mood today.

"Aw,"

Did Bucky Barnes actually go 'aw'?

Using his enhancement (he liked doing it for domestic stuff), he piled all the freshly made cookies onto the plate and turned around to see Bucky about two feet from him. The guy could move quickly and quietly when he wanted to. Pietro tried not to flinch and tried not to grin when Bucky picked up a cookie and put it in his mouth.

Maybe the way he just shoved it in his mouth was hilarious but also kind of awkward, but at least he took the cookie. One point to team Pietro.

"Not bad,"

So it wasn't good. Fuck.

"Better than what Steve could make,"

So Quicksilver was a better cook than Captain America.

"Hey, um, why are you always nice to me?" Bucky asked, taking Petro by surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"You always leave me food and shit and keep me company even if we don't talk,"

"Well ..." he trailed off a little, his gaze drifting away from Bucky momentarily. "We're going to be a team, so might as well help each other. Besides, you're not that bad," Pietro said.

"It's safe to say I didn't see this coming," Bucky said after a brief moment of silence. Pietro snorted before laughing and he saw Bucky crack a smile. And then Bucky was laughing too. Pietro had never heard a laugh quite like it and knew he'd never tire from hearing it. He wanted to hear Bucky laugh more often. "Sorry about yesterday, kinda had a breakdown or somethin'. I'm gettin' better since it didn't last as long as it usually does," Bucky said after a moment of silence.

"It is OK. It is, uh, understandable for what you've been through," Pietro said and gave the older man a smile.

"What's happening here?"

The two turned around and saw Steve looking at them, dressed in some tank top and sweatpants, his arms crossed over his chest, but a small smile playing at the ends of his lips. Prick.

"Nothin',"

Oh, god, that accent. Pietro had to bite the inside of his cheek a little.

"Certainly doesn't look like nothin'," Steve said. Bucky sighed before taking a few of the cookies, murmuring a thanks to Pietro and walked past Steve who gave Pietro an eyeroll and turned on his heel and followed Bucky out.

Pietro side and put the plate down and took a bite out of the cookie. Meh, it wasn't too bad actually; Bucky was telling the truth. He didn't know what he was doing, but he felt like sleep was a good idea. Maybe next time he should cook at a socially normal time of day instead of at three in the morning in preparation of Bucky getting up at either four or five in the morning.

"Clint's right," Pietro muttered as he walked back to his floor, "it really is the asscrack of the morning."


	3. Bucky is socially inept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People think that Pietro is a playboy and is a smug little shit. They're not wrong about the latter, but he does care about people easily - especially if they're Russian brainwashed assassins with a metal arm.  
> Steve is also a good friend, which Bucky is thankful for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so salty, I writ this nice long chapter that was great and when I went to save it didn't fkn save and now I'm angry it was so good.

"Bucky, what happened to the door?"

"Don't tell Stark." Was the immediate response from Bucky who was looked slightly embarrassed.

"I don't think I will; I just want to see his reactions when he finds out you've been accidentally ripping the doors from their hinges," Steve said, smirking as Bucky blushed good naturedly.

"I don't mean to, I just ... I can't control the strength in this thing," Bucky said, gesturing to his metallic arm, the light bouncing off it into their eyes slightly. Steve sighed and plonked himself down beside Bucky, leaning into his side slightly.

"We can always get you a new arm?" Steve suggested, though there was something behind his words. Disgust. Bucky had seen it; Steve had a hard time looking at the damn thing. Bucky had a hard time knowing this, that there was a part of him that Steve hated. But he couldn't help it. He had made his peace with the thing, it had its ups and downs, but it was a part of him now and he accepted it. Steve just had to do the same.

"No, I'm fine, just sometimes I forget how much power there is behind this thing,"

"You sure? I can get Tony to -"

"Steve, please, no,"

"Fine, Buck." Steve said, holding his hands up. "So," he began, a devilish grin making its way onto his face, "anything happen between you and Pietro yet?"

Bucky choked on his spit.

Steve laughed so hard he cried.

"Steve, what the fuck?" Bucky demanded and the smile on Steve's face faded.

"Bucky, it's OK now," he said. Memories of the time Bucky told him he wasn't one hundred percent straight flooded to his mind, Bucky sobbing grossly into Steve's chest at the thought of being so different that he could be taken away and be shocked with electricity until he was deemed 'normal' and 'straight'. He could remember how much Bucky cried, ruining his shirt and soaking it through to the point his tears dampened his chest. It was a horrible night for Steve, who had to tell Bucky he would keep his secret and wouldn't let him live this alone. 

He didn't want Bucky to go through that emotional turmoil again.

"It's not,"

"Buck, things are different now, trust me,"

"Things might be different, but I still have the fuckin' mindset of way back when," Bucky muttered bitterly. "I can remember seeing those guys being beaten to shit just for holdin' hands! And now I'm stuck here where suddenly there's those pride parades and gay marriage is legal and ... and it's a lot to take in, OK? I know it was horrible back then, when I - when I told you and now it's better, but it's gonna take some time to adjust. I'll be fine, I always am, punk," Bucky said and gave Steve a smile that honestly wasn't as stable as he hoped it to be.

Steve sighed and looked over at his friend, wondering how to help him. When Steve came to in the twenty-first century, he was all alone, confused, hurt and in mourning. Now, Bucky was in a similar position and he didn't want Bucky to go through what he did.

"Like you can say anything, though; you and Stark still aren't together,"

"We butt heads a lot and have arguments, but we always bounce back. I don't know what we are per se, but it's something that isn't friends but isn't a relationship," Steve explained.

"Sounds complicated,"

"We are," Steve said with a faint smile that Bucky groaned at. Steve was whipped.

"Fucking idiot," he muttered, shaking his head.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bucky was back in the gym again, this time sparring with Steve. Pietro had come in this time, instead of watching and was on a treadmill (which Stark had made especially for Pietro's enhancement).

"He's watching again," Steve grunted out as he blocked a rough hit from Bucky.

"He always does," Bucky said before going and punching Steve in the gut. Steve hunched over, the wind momentarily knocked out of him. Bucky manoeuvred around him and wrapped his arms around Steve's neck in a chokehold, slipping his legs over Steve's legs so he couldn't use them to his advantage. Steve let out a string of curse words as the two toppled to the floor by Bucky's weight and Bucky waited for Steve to hit the floor to show he gave up.

He did.

"What, you didn't see that coming?" Bucky taunted as he let Steve go.

Over in his corner, Pietro snorted.

"I'd like to see you do better," Steve called over to him and Pietro slowed the speed of his treadmill to a stop. He turned around properly to face the American Golden Boy, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I mean, I would probably be able to, what with my enhancement," Pietro said and Bucky felt himself nod. If they were to ever spar, his speed could be a better advantage than Bucky's serum.

"You probably wouldn't be able to do it without your enhancement," Steve said, his voice edging cocky or arrogant. Bucky slapped him upside his head.

"Well, it's a good thing I fucking have it then, Rogers," Pietro said coldly before vanishing.

"Stevie, that was a bit harsh," Bucky said once the trails of silver and blue vanished.

"I-I know. I didn't mean it. Could you go tell him I'm sorry?" Steve asked and Bucky sighed, rolling his eyes a little childishly.

"You're a big boy, Stevie, you can be the bigger man - both literally and metaphorically - and apologise to him," Bucky said as he looked at Steve. "He didn't do anything and you _did_ start it,"

"I just - I don't mean to be such a -"

"Dick?" Bucky supplied which must've been too quickly as Steve shot him an unamused glare. "What? You didn't see that coming?"

"Not you too," Steve said with a pained groan.

"You're complicated, it's fine. Pietro will understand if you tell him," Bucky said as he walked over to his stuff and grabbed it and made his way out of the gym.

Granted, Steve had changed since he last saw him; he was probably more colder and harsher and didn't really mean it. Sighing, Bucky made his way to the stairwell, preferring that to the encasing feeling the lifts gave him. He walked back up the multiple floors and got to the one below his when he saw a figure curled up on the stairs. He could see the mop of silvery-blond hair and knew it was Pietro.

"Steve's a dick," Bucky said as he approached him. "And deserves a good slap for what he said," he added and saw Pietro's body shake momentarily and Bucky had a feeling it was a small laugh.

"It is OK. He is ... complicated, I suppose," Pietro said and Bucky grinned. He walked closer to Pietro and sat down beside him on the stairs, less than an inch between them.

"I said he was complicated. Life is complicated," Bucky mused, resting his chin on his fist as he looked at Pietro, who slowly uncurled.

"I agree,"

"Steve he ... after I fell off the train, that changed him and he's been much colder since. I don't blame him; it must've been horrifying for him to see that. He didn't reach me in time and the door gave out and I fell and remember seeing his face. At least it was me and not him,"

"You were used by H.Y.D.R.A weren't you?"

"Da -" Bucky coughed a little and rubbed at his temples with his metal fingers. "Yes," he corrected. "I was. It was hell. I am just glad that it's over now,"

"I won't understand what it was like for you; myself and Wanda, we volunteered, we knew what we were going to get, or rather the gist of it. But it didn't make it any easier. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that,"

"It's OK. It wasn't you who caused it but myself. I don't want anyone to go through what I did and I'll destroy H.Y.D.R.A and every single one of its agents,"

"If you - when you do, you won't have to do it alone. What they did to you was vile and they deserve to pay for what they had put you through,"

"Thanks, kid, you're not so bad,"

"Thanks, old man,"

"Being here, in the twenty-first century, it is a little strange and daunting. Everything is so different and I don't know how to make heads nor tails of it. But I have Steve and you and Clint -" Bucky decided to ignore the way Pietro's cheeks flushed at the mention of him. "- and I am getting better. It'll take a long time, that much is obvious, but at least it's something,"

"Aw, were you two having a moment?"

They both turned around to look at Clint in sync. He was wearing his purple hearing aids that people could see and was holding a large chocolate bar. He looked tired and like he didn't give a fuck - so his usual look. He didn't have his resting bitch face, so that was a plus.

"Shut up, Clint," they said together and Clint grinned at them.

"Cute,"

"I suppose it could be worse. It could be Stark," Pietro said with a shrug of his shoulders as he turned back to face Bucky.

"Or your sister," he countered, smirking at Pietro.

"Jerk,"

"Ass,"

"Hungry!" Clint piped up before taking a bite out of his chocolate.

"Clint, shut up,"

"Nu-huh. I need you Buckaroo,"

"Shocker," Bucky muttered before standing up. He hesitated a little before ruffling Pietro's hair and then walked forwards to Clint, trying his best not to look back at Pietro because his emotions and stomach were trying to drive him insane.

Clint walked them to his floor, the silence comfortable. They could sit in each other's presence and not speak a word and neither would be uncomfortable. They had a strange friendship, but it was nice and they got on well.

Perks of being brainwashed assassins, I guess. They had shit in common.

"So, they said curiosity killed the cat," Clint said as he sat down. "And we all know I'm no pussy, even if I have the curiosity to put me in sin, now give me all the juicy details of the thing going on between you and Pietro," Clint practically begged as he curled forwards a little, rubbing his hands slightly.

Bucky felt himself die a little inside.

He sighed before sitting next to Clint, who latched himself onto Bucky. _Not a cat my ass,_ Bucky thought to himself.

"You're disgusting, just F.Y.I," Bucky informed him. Clint chuckled and it sounded slightly evil or devious and Bucky didn't want to know which one it actually was.

The idea of Clint being so touchy feely was unheard of to the other Avengers, but when it came to Bucky, Clint tended to latch onto him. It was strange, but it was nice. It showed Bucky that Clint was comfortable with him in his personal space and that he trusted Bucky a lot to do so. It helped Bucky a lot, whether Clint knew this or not.

"So, what's happening between you two?" Clint asked as he got comfortable next to Bucky.

"Nothing. Everyone keeps saying it and it just leaves me confused."

"I don't blame you. Life must be the epitome of confusing for you," Clint murmured, resting his head on Bucky's metal shoulder. Clint didn't seem to care about the metal arm; unlike the others, he didn't stare. Instead he'd look at Bucky as a whole and not concentrate on the arm.

"Wow, Barton, using a big word," Bucky said, though amused was laced through his words.

"Shut up," he grumbled, lifting his legs up so his feet were in Bucky's lap.

"I don't know what's going on between us, but I know I don't know how I'll cope with these things since I'm new to this whole century and the things that come with it," Bucky admitted, his words slow as he tried to find the right words to explain what he was feeling - or rather what he understood of what he was feeling.

"Pietro saved my life, y'know," Clint said after a few moments of silence between them. Bucky made a noise to let Clint know he was paying attention. "It was back with the Sokovia shit, you heard of that stuff didn't you? With Ultron? Anyway, there I am, going and saving this kid when suddenly there's bullets shooting through the air. I accept my fate and turn my back to the fuckers so that the kid could at least survive when there's this gush of air and no bullets. I look up and there is Pietro, covered in the fuckers. Of course I have a cardiac arrest because holy fuck the kid has just ran in fron of multiple bullets to save me and the kid," Clint says and there's something turning in Bucky's stomach that he's trying to ignore.

"Anyway, he looks up at me, all scared and wide eyed and do you know what he says? 'You didn't see that coming?' and fucking collapses. Of course that makes the previous cardiac arrest go through the fucking roof and I'm there checking for a pulse and luck holds out because there's one. He gets hauled off to the medbay or whatever the fuck it is and he's up and running within a few months. It fucking terrified me. Wanna know why?" Bucky nods even though he doesn't. "The kid was willing to sacrifice himself for someone he fucking hated before and a kid. The most we'd spoken to each other was that damn catchphrase, but there he goes giving up his life in the hopes that me and the kid survive. It just makes me think of how much he was willing to give up for someone he barely knew and how much more he is willing to give up for someone he has feelings for."

The words make their way painfully to Bucky's chest and he's not sure what's happening. He doesn't understand how someone could care for someone like him or how someone like Pietro could possibly like him.

"I-I can't - I'm such a wreck and after everything, I have so much baggage or whatever the fucking term is. I can't do that, not after everything that happened to me, what with H.Y.D.R.A and being the fucking Winter Soldier -"

"Shit," Clint cursed and hauled Bucky up so he's sitting up. "I'm sorry, it's fine. We can stop talking about the bastard,"

Bucky nodded jerkily and tried to slow his breathing, trying to calm down. His heart was pounding harshly and erratically against his chest. It feels like the air gets caught in his throat, but Clint is talking to him, all calm and collected.

"Um, Kate tried to do the Impossible Shot. She just failed,"

"Unlucky," Bucky managed, his breathing uneven as Clint puts his hands on Bucky's cheeks, the feel warm and solid and brings him back more.

"She's also said that I need to get myself a boyfriend or girlfriend after the fail that was my marriage with Laura,"

"Honestly, I can sort of see you with Banner,"

"Dude!" Clint exclaimed and then Bucky was smiling and felt a lot calmer and safer. Clint seemed to sense as much and leant against him, but allowed Bucky to slouch against him so they were both supporting each other whilst using each other. His breathing calmed down, though it was deep, heavy and slow.

They spent several minutes in silence, letting Bucky fully calm down and feel relatively normal again.

 

* * *

 

 

 

It didn't last long.

Bucky woke up screaming bloody murder.

It was about maybe two in the morning and he woke up screaming, the memories that usually hit him full force in his dreams wrenched him awake. Steve was there, holding him down (or rather holding his metal arm down as he made himself go dead weight so Bucky couldn't get him off), whilst Clint was saying something to him, sat by his side, illuminated by the lamp Bucky needed to be kept on.

The different languages he had learnt were running through his head and he tried to say something but all that came out was a strangled sob. He could feel his body shaking as he cried and there was something wrong. His head was pounding as he let out a scream that was drenched in a sob, his body shaking violently as the images of the bodies mangled together, the blood splattered on and around them in a massacre. He was a killing machine.

"Bucky?" Steve asked, shifting so he could look at his friend.

He tried to reply in English, honestly he did.

It terrified Steve that Bucky couldn't remember a word of English. Clint kept a relatively straight face and spoke to him softly in English, signing to him too, trying to have the words surface. The words from Clint came out like a jumble to him and it made him feel worse to know he couldn't understand what he was saying. His ears were ringing and he was sure he must have been screaming or crying again. He wasn't sure which, but he knew from their way their faces contorted it had to be one of the two or maybe even both.

All that came out was Russian.

He cried.

He felt like a useless sack, unable to speak his native tongue. Steve soon enough relented and sat beside him as he cried, allowing Bucky to curl up, his head resting on Steve's lap as Clint sat behind him, massaging the scarred flesh that met with the metal. They were talking to each other, but for the life of him, he couldn't understand it. Which made him cry more.

"Pietro!" Bucky tensed up at the name and squeezed his eyes shut, feeling helpless and pathetic. He didn't want Pietro (or anyone for that matter) to see him so weak and vulnerable.

But then Pietro was talking to him in Russian, calm and even. He didn't reply, letting the words fall from Pietro's mouth wash over him and help him calm down.

Clint was saying something and Bucky was begging to understand at least slightly. And then he realised Clint was reading a book out loud. Pietro was saying the Russian translation.

Eventually, his crying ceased and he was reduced to a sniffling mess.

"Better?" Pietro asked, and Bucky was confused on whether he was speaking English or Russian.

"Da," he said, his voice hoarse and tender. "Spasibo," he said. He felt Steve shift and he realised he was still speaking in a different language.

"Pozhaluysta," Pietro replied. He turned to Steve and Clint. "He said thanks. He should be OK soon, but may be tired and in need of hugs,"

Now he could understand that. Man, he hated life. At least Pietro knew Russian or else they'd have to get Natasha and he didn't really want to see Natasha while he was in such a weak state. Steve said something and both him and Clint got up and left.

"Kak dela?" Pietro asked softly, his hand in Bucky's hair, untangling the knots.

"Khorosho," his reply was throaty, thick and uneven.

"That's a lie," Pietro said and Bucky smiled. It was watery and unstable and made him realise how weak he was. Pietro seemed to sense this and shuffled closer to him and put his arm around him. Bucky moved and hugged him tightly, trying not to cry.

"You can cry if you want; I won't mind and you need to let it out," Pietro told him softly, repeating the sentence in Russian.

And then Bucky sobbed into Pietro.

His sobs racked his body and Pietro was talking to him, soft, kind words. He didn't know how long he cried, but he knew he cried himself to sleep, pressed against Pietro, who had kept a firm hold of him, his warmth and body a solid reminder that someone cared for him and would let him be a wreck. He felt gratitude to Pietro, and knew he had to make up for it all when he was much more stable.


	4. Bucky likes people but doesn't want to hurt them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky likes people, but he worries he may accidentally hurt them, so tries to avoid them so they don't get hurt.

It had obviously become a regular thing.

Bucky was yet again in the gym, Pietro being concerned as per usual since he hadn't stopped in his workout.

It had been two weeks or so since Bucky had the breakdown and had cried himself to sleep on Pietro's chest. Ever since then, Bucky had refused to look at Pietro - who didn't blame him and didn't expect anything less since Bucky was an emotional wreck and had problems.

Still, he worried regardless.

Bucky was hitting the strange targets that Pietro didn't understand. They acted like humans, but weren't and had controls on what levels of difficulty the user wanted them to be on. Pietro knew that Bucky had put them on the highest setting; and he was beating them without breaking a sweat. Even Cap broke a sweat or five when up against them on the highest setting.

Pietro couldn't help but be concerned - Bucky was like a machine but he wasn't. He was human.

Humans needed breaks.

"Bucky?" Pietro called out tentatively. Bucky's final hit reverberated in the gym and he sighed, pulling away from the robotic thing and he turned and looked at Pietro. Even from the distance Pietro could see the redness around Bucky's eyes. "You OK?" Pietro asked and ventured forwards slightly, but didn't try and test it.

Bucky turned away, his shoulders tense and shook slightly. Pietro bit his lip and made his shoes squeak to let him know he was approaching him.

"Go away," Bucky said, his voice uneven.

"If that is what you want," Pietro said calmly. Bucky made a strange noise and sat against the wall, his chest heaving. Pietro bit his lip and knelt down where he was, his eyes on Bucky.

"Why are you doing this?" Bucky questioned, tears threatening to brim. He felt pathetic, to be this weak. He wished he couldn't be as weak, or that he couldn't feel anything.

"I just want to help people," Pietro answered, looking at Bucky with ease. Bucky sighed and hit his head against the wall.

"Can you please leave?"

Pietro nodded and got up and walked away. It was slow and painful and he regretted leaving Bucky alone. Once he was out of the gym, he used his speed to go to his bedroom. Only when he got there, Wanda was there, looking at him with a look Pietro didn't remotely trust.

"Privet, brat," she said and Pietro raised an eyebrow at her before responding.

"Sestra,"

"How is Bucky?" she asked casually.

"I am not sure, but he's trying," Pietro answered.

"His mind ... it is damaged, far more than any other I have ever come across. I do not know how he is able to get up in the morning," Wanda said, her accent prominent.

"Couldn't you ... I do not know, go into his mind? Fix it? Your powers deal with minds, so could deal with that, no?"

"I do not know; it would depend on Bucky and if he would want me to go into his mind. I doubt he would want anyone else messing with his head, after everything he had been through," Wanda explained. Pietro sighed a little and sat beside him. The two of them laid down, their legs still over the edge of the bed. Silently, Pietro reached over and took Wanda's hand in his, needing the reassurance she brought.

After everything they had been through and come out on top, all they wanted to do was to help people. When Sokovia and Ultron happened and Pietro's near death experience, they wanted nothing more than to help others and let them know they would help protect them. Now they were wanting to help and protect Bucky.

"If it means that much to you, later we can go to Bucky and offer helping him with fixing his mind." Wanda said quietly. Pietro made a humming noise to let her know he acknowledged her. He looked over at her and smiled, which had been strangely unsteady. She reassured him by shuffling closer to him, the contact solid and grounding.

He remembered when he had first woken up from the bullets; the pain, the trauma and everything else that had piled. Wanda had been there, of course she had been there. Wanda had been the first thing he had seen and the first thing he heard. She'd cried into him, hugging him so tightly his oxygen was almost cut off. Both of them had babbled in their native tongue, confused, hurt, sad and happy all at once. They had clung onto each other, not believing that he was back with the living.

Clint had been there too.

He'd sat next to Wanda, and had smiled at their little reunion. Clint had smiled at Pietro when he had noticed him and had punched him - not too hard, but hard enough.

"Don't you ever fucking do that again you dick, that scared the shit out of me!"

And that was the day the two became good friends.

Pietro sighed and sat up, looking at his sister. She gave him a reassuring smile and let go of him, as soon as the contact was lost, he vanished from his room. Wanda sighed before standing up and left the room too, making her way to her own room.

Pietro had needed to think, so had made his way to the roof. It was cold, windy and cleared his head to an extent. Really, he didn't know what to think. It felt like his stupid emotions were mixing in uncomfortably with what he was trying to think about. He wanted what was best for Bucky; the man clearly needed the support and the things Pietro felt made him think he couldn't concentrate on what he could do exactly that could help Bucky.

It was a little thing, these feelings for Bucky, but man did they interfere with a lot of shit.

He ran his hands through his hair; the colour he fucking hated. It had been an after effect from the damn experiments. Even though his roots were brown, his hair eventually turned the silvery-white he had grown to hate.

"What are you doing up here?" asked the voice of the person who had been running around his head for the past few weeks.

"Trying to think," he answered and looked over at Bucky. He was dressed in grey sweats, trainers and a dark hoodie, the hood pulled up over his head, his hair flicking into his beautiful face.

"What you trying to think about?" Bucky walked towards him at a pace that seemed to suit him; slow and tense. His hands had been shoved into the pockets of the hoodie. Honestly, Bucky did look menacing, but he also looked hot. Damn.

"Stuff. Life stuff. Um, I think the word is generic?" Pietro said, his voice light. He was surprised when he heard a rumbling sound from Bucky's direction. He looked over at the older man and smiled.

"Generic life stuff?" Bucky said, amusement creeping into his voice. Pietro hung his head momentarily as he leant against the barrier.

"Yes, generic life stuff," Pietro murmured as he looked back up at Bucky. "And some other stuff," he said, his words trailing off uncertainly.

Bucky sensed the change and tensed up, more so than he had been before; the smile on his face had faded and his face looked blank and emotionless.

_Well,_ Pietro thought to himself, _I fucked that up._

"What's the other stuff?" Bucky asked cautiously.

"I was thinking - um, maybe Wanda could help you?" Pietro said, getting right to the point. He knew there was no point flailing around the subject.

"How so?" Pietro knew Bucky knew what Pietro was talking about with Wanda helping, but probably needed him to say the words.

"Well, her powers are pretty much limitless, so maybe she could help your head,"

"No,"

Bucky's reaction had been instant.

"Wanda said you'd probably reject the idea and I don't blame you," Pietro said.

"I-I-"

"It's OK. No-one will mess with your head," Pietro reassured him. Bucky nodded and leant against the barrier like Pietro, lowering his head.

"I just I can't deal with someone fucking my head up," he said, his voice beyond unsteady.

"Which is reasonable, after everything you have been through," Pietro said and Bucky scoffed a little.

"You sound like my fucking therapist,"

"I don't intend to be, it just happens,"

Bucky sighed and moved away and tried to compose himself. He didn't know why he was getting so annoyed. He couldn't control it. Man, he wished Steve was there with him, to pull him away, tell him to calm down and stop being such an idiot.

But he couldn't stop thinking everything over. His mind worked fast, but not as fast as he would have liked. He guessed Pietro's mind was as fast as him when he ran, or even faster. Bucky bit back the annoyed sound he wanted to make when he realised he had thought of Pietro again.

He did this a lot; he'd think about the little things and then suddenly Pietro was all he could think about at it annoyed him. He didn't know why whatever he thought about, it always ended up being about Pietro. Bucky was already tired of his life and he didn't understand and _refused_ to understand. There were parts of him that were still stuck in the past, from when it was just him and Steve.

Bucky felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned around in shock, only to see Pietro, looking wide eyed and innocent. He said something, but Bucky's ears were ringing loudly. Pietro's hands were on his shoulders and he was speaking what looked calmly, but his eyes betrayed him. Bucky frowned, Pietro's lips moving too quickly for him to try and lip read. His head was hurting and his heart was hurting. He moved his hands to Pietro's forearms and felt the man shaking underneath.

"Wha-what's wrong with me?" Bucky choked out. He realised he was crying. Pietro gave him a sad look and then was hugging Bucky.

He couldn't understand what was happening, his emotions were haywire and he felt like his heart was about to rip itself from his chest, but Pietro was there and his warmth was a contraction to the harsh, cold wind. He slumped against Pietro, who managed to hold up his weight pretty well. He let Bucky cry into him, unsure of what caused it, but knew to not say anything relating to the subjects they'd previously spoken about.

Bucky took ten minutes to compose himself, and felt extremely embarrassed after. He didn't move away from Pietro, not wanting to face him. Pietro didn't seem to care nor mind and was instead whispering something to Bucky in his native tongue. He tried to concentrate on it, letting Pietro's voice wash over him. The wind was still whipping around them, slowly getting more ferocious.

"Bucky?" Pietro asked after another five minutes of silence between them.

"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry about that," he said, pulling away from Pietro and cleared his throat. He avoided looking at Pietro.

"I'm here for you, you know that, yes?" Pietro asked and Bucky couldn't help but smile at how he spoke.

"Yeah, thank you; I just ... I have my problems,"

"Everyone here does,"

Bucky pulled away fully and wiped at his face. He walked past Pietro and sat on one of the vents Clint usually perched on. Pietro walked to him, trying to keep at a steady pace; time to him, as Wanda often put it, was going particularly slow for him that day. That stuff happened a lot; everyone would slow down and he would have to wait for that period of time to pass. Usually he could hide it pretty well, but often had trouble since it was part of his life and would happened when he was least expecting it. He had told Clint and Wanda about these things, what with Wanda being his sister and Clint being the only person he could really get along with (the others didn't seem to understand him as well as Clint did).

"I know, it just ... it's a bit much and everyone can cope with their problems,"

"They have their breakdowns where they cannot deal and they need help from everyone around them. I would say it is normal to be like this, but you have a one of a kind case, but embrace all those stereotypes of that we are all here for you and will support you. We are a team, no?"

"But you haven't hurt people like I have,"

"You were not in control, so is not your fault. H.Y.D.R.A used you like a gun, I think is the correct parallel. They had created a part of you and ripped the true you away, using the horrible thing they had created like a gun - they gave you missions and made you do things; so they pointed you and shot. You cannot blame the gun because it had been made to do these things, so instead you blame the person who used the gun,"

"But it was me, it was a different me, but it was me. I had control of my actions, I took the orders and killed all those people -"

"Bucky, they fucking brainwashed you and tortured you! It was not the real you. But that person, The Winter Soldier, is a part of you now and you have to live with it, but use that to your advantage and become a better person and use whatever skills he had acquired and use them for better."

"You don't get it,"

"Of course I don't! I did not go through it like you had! Maybe you could talk to Clint about it? You are both shit at talking about your feelings and you both got manipulated by some trademark asshole," Pietro said and Bucky let out a dry laugh.

"Talkin' don't help. Nothin' does," Bucky said coldly before he turned on his heel and walked out.

"Fuck."

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Bucky?" Steve asked when he saw the lump on Bucky's bed. It was a mound of quilts, pillows and probably at the base was Bucky.

"Fuck off," was the muffled reply.

Steve smiled to himself and shook his head before he kicked the door shut softly and walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge. The bed dipped at his weight and the mound shifted. Steve contemplated patting the small mountain, in the hopes of getting Bucky's head or back, but decided not to since he didn't know where Bucky was. Bucky made a strange groaning sound and the quilts shifted.

"So, Pietro and Clint are talking. Said you're being a wreck. Their words not mine,"

"I fucked shit up, Stevie." Bucky said and Steve smiled at the nickname, feeling about sixteen years old again.

"We all do; that's kinda what makes us human, Buck," Steve told him. There was a shift underneath the mound and suddenly Bucky appeared, kicking away all the covers he had undoubtedly stolen since Steve knew he didn't have that many quilts and he was sure he saw Clint's bird one.

"I don't understand most of the shit that goes on inside my head," Bucky began. "I don't know what the fuck my emotions are and I don't want to know, but I do at the same time and it's driving me insane. Whenever I see Pietro, everything inside me goes all funny and I recognise the feelings, but these are much bigger and I remember these being for gals, Stevie and even though you keep saying shit like it's all legal and shit, I can't help but still think like in the past,"

"It's hard, moving forward. Adjusting. But you're pretty good when it comes to change, Buck, so you'll be OK. If it's any reassurance, Pietro's not had the easiest of pasts either, so you're both in similar boats. Everyone always expects Pietro to be cocky and an asshole. Which he is, but really when he's around people, he becomes more humanised and less of an asshole,"

"So it's just a façade?" Bucky asked.

"Yeah, like the image painted on you," Steve said, venturing forth into what had been deemed dangerous territory. Whatever. They were going to have to talk about that shit eventually, so might as well get it (or part of it) out of the way now.

"Mmm,"

Bucky looked at the ceiling, his eyes glazing over slightly. Steve tensed slightly, which Bucky noticed in his peripheral vision. He reached out and clapped Steve on the arm, trying to make him feel better. Bucky even risked sending him a smile, even though it wouldn't be much and was broken to hell. Steve appreciated Bucky's efforts; he tried his best and people didn't seem to notice how hard he tried. He couldn't help it if he couldn't fix things.

"When -" Bucky cleared his throat loudly, his eyes trained to look anywhere except Steve. "- when I'm better, I think I'll try and talk to Pietro about these things, if I get the courage. I changed a lot since way back when. I can't talk to people like I used to and all that shit. But that's OK. I'm used to not talking to people, I'm more used to killing them." he said and then noticed how Steve winced. "You even said we have to talk about that shit and I'm talking about that shit. It's not pretty, it's not fun but whatever. You want me to get better, so this is me trying to get better."

Steve sighed and stood up, shaking his head before walking out. Great.

"Fuck me," Bucky grumbled before yanking some quilts over him, wishing he could stop existing for a day or five.


	5. Bucky hates being an Avenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a few months, Bucky has been cleared to go do Avenging duties and he hates every fucking second of it.

Steve was proud of him.

Of course Steve was proud of him.

He was 'getting better'.

Bucky had started talking to the other Avengers more after about three and a half months after living at the Avengers Tower and was honestly doing OK. He didn't break down as much and found he wasn't breaking down as much at night either. His psychiatrist also helped too.

The psychiatrist told him it was OK for him to not be straight and that no-one in his friendship group (read: The Avengers) would judge him for being different, because they were all different in their own ways and all of them weren't necessarily straight either.

Bucky didn't know who wasn't straight besides from Stark and Steve (and only knew Steve wasn't because they'd spoken about it once in the forties and now, how Steve couldn't keep his eyes off Stark). As much as he'd like to believe the psychiatrist and what both she and Steve were saying; it was still hard to think it and get rid of what society was like way back when. But he was trying, and that was all they could ask of him.

So when he got cleared for active duty by Nick Fury and Maria Hill, he wished he could just stab everyone and then go and get cake. Honestly. Fuckin' amateurs.

For Bucky, it was like an old Winter Soldier mission, only no killing people unnecessarily and _for god's sakes Bucky we only need to get in, get information and get the hell outta Dodge!_

Steve was commanding and it brought back the memories of being with the Howling Commandos and something in Bucky's chest tightened. Obviously, he ignored it; he didn't really need to think about that now, not when he was on a mission. With the memories locked in a place in his mind he stored for later, he kept his attention on Steve who was in full Captain America mode. It was a little scary, to see how different Steve was, from Regular Steve to Cap Steve. It was two completely different people; kind of like Bucky and The Winter Soldier - only Bucky and The Soldier were the same person. Bucky could deal with it better now, but it still sucked and he still went into phases where he couldn't remember who Bucky Barnes was and he was The Asset, waiting for a new mission.

Those times sucked. Usually either Clint or Steve were there to help him, talk him back to reality or force him out of it. Sometimes Pietro would be there. (Bucky wasn't too sure if he dreamt those parts or not. Steve and Clint never told him.)

Bucky took down the nearest H.Y.D.R.A agent, his knife leaving a very pretty hole in the agent's sternum. The body dropped with a dull thud and Bucky crouched, hidden behind a half broken wall. He pressed a finger to the comms in his ear, tuning in to the others on the mission. He had almost forgotten he wasn't alone on the mission.

"Soldier, you good?" Steve (or rather Cap's) voice said over the comms.

"D-Yeah," Bucky said and rubbed at his eyes slightly. "Almost there. Iron Man should infiltrate it soon, break down those barriers,"

Honestly, he was so used to doing these missions on his own that he found it difficult to work with the other Avengers. They all did their own thing that worked strangely well together. It was something Bucky had yet to get accustomed to.

(And he was purposely ignoring Pietro.)

But so far he was doing good; he had helped them all get closer to the base, had taken down dozens of H.Y.D.R.A assholes and hadn't gone full Winter Soldier mode and killed everyone on site. He was doing good for his first group mission since the Commandos. He deserved something like cookies for being able to cope for that long.

"Stark, you better be getting those down soo-"

"Don't worry your ass, Capsicle, I'll get 'em down," Tony butted in before there was a faint explosion as Bucky ran forwards, taking down four agents with a few deft punches. That was what he was good at. "That wasn't me,"

"Nyet, it was me," Pietro's voice piped up and Bucky raised an eyebrow slightly before turning and shooting his gun at his next target. Asshole tried sneaking up on him. No-one sneaks up on The Winter Soldier - except maybe Hawkeye (when he could function) or the Black Widow (who didn't really have to try).

"What?" Tony sounded quite surprised. Like he really -

"You didn't see that coming?"

Bucky made a groaning noise that sounded vaguely annoyed as he turned and kicked some Nazi bastard in the gut, forcing him backwards as he swung his left arm at someone who tried to sneak up behind him. Once the man was down, he moved forwards to the first one, shooting his gun to his right without looking. The choking noises that were made left him know he hit his target right where he aimed.

"ZHELANIYE!"

Bucky froze in his tracks. He stared down at the man, eyes wide with horror. How ...?

" _N-no_ ,"

He made to move forwards as the H.Y.D.R.A thug shuffled backwards.

"RZHAVIY!"

Bucky froze again. He shook his head, feeling the familiar hooks sinking into his mind. He couldn't - _wouldn't_ \- become that thing again, not while the others were out there with him - not while _Pietro-_

The action was instantaneous.

The knife had been in his hand and then suddenly it had been jammed into the agent's head, the force crushing the skull around where the knife had penetrated.

"Fuck you!" he spat, backing away from the corpse like it had some disease.

"Bucky, are you good? I heard -"

"Steve, I'm fine," he said, though his voice was shaky.

"Bucky," Steve was in front of him and he didn't know where he'd come from - when did he sit on the floor again? He was confused.

The body was opposite him and his ears were ringing again. He shook his head slightly, pushing Steve's caring hand away before running his flesh hand in his hair. He let out a shaky breath as the ringing went away.

"I'm fine, just had a moment. Fury should'a waited a few more months before sending my ass back out here," he said with a weak smile. The look on Steve's face made the smile slightly stronger because _did Bucky just joke about his damaged mind?_ "You didn't see that coming?" Bucky asked, his smile having turned into a smirk.

And then Pietro was laughing somewhere near them, sounding to the left. His laugh was coming through the comms and from wherever he was standing. He had to be pretty close. Bucky smiled more to himself than to Steve, lowering his head, hiding the smile; he'd made Pietro laugh.

The bang that took place immediately after shook Bucky to his core. So did the screaming.

His hands were on the person who had shot Pietro instantly. The sickening crunch of the man's neck breaking was oddly satisfying to Bucky.

He didn't know how, but he was suddenly beside Pietro who was gasping, letting out choked screams that would probably stay with Bucky until his dying day.

"Stop moving so much," Bucky commanded, his voice thick and heavy. He was pulling out sterilised surgery equipment, ducking as explosions were erupting around them.

Everything had gone to shit.

"I-it hurts," Pietro said, his hands shaking (or blurring?) around the bullet wound. It wasn't pretty.

"I know," Bucky grunted out. He had got those liquids that help to sterilise the wound - like peroxide, only better (something Tony had concocted) since peroxide hurt like a bitch and wasn't really efficient - and he had to get the bullet out; Pietro's metabolism and everything else was sped up, maybe more than his or Steve's, so he had to take it out before his body healed over it. When he poured the liquid on his wound, Pietro's scream ripped through the air, over the explosions, the yelling and the gunshots. It was honestly terrifying to Bucky. He bit his lip and apologised profusely.

"Bu-Bucky!" Pietro cried, unwilling tears dripping from the corners of his eyes. He had been shot before - almost died before - but this was much worse.

"I'm gonna get it out and then you'll be OK, alright? Don't try to move or I could cut something," Bucky told him. The noises Pietro made sounded like a wounded animal and something was back and clenching Bucky's heart.

"OK, ju-just m-m-make it quick," Pietro choked out.

Bucky worked as quick as he could, trying to ignore the noises Pietro made. Several times Bucky had to blink away the tears that tried to make an appearance. He worked quick, trying to stop Pietro from losing too much blood.

And then Pietro passed out.

Bucky's heart leapt into his throat.

Wanda was beside him, her hand in Pietro's hair, talking to him softly in a language that Bucky wasn't paying attention to. Probably Russian. He had to keep his attention on Pietro's wound, his job; he would fail and have someone else die because of him. He couldn't let that happen.

He worked quickly, the bullet was out quickly, then he was stitching it up, making sure that he had numbed it at least slightly. He finished quickly and effectively, wrapping up with gauze so that the wound wouldn't be infected.

"There's a Quinjet coming," Wanda said, her accent thicker than usual, full of emotions. Bucky nodded, knowing that if he were to speak, he'd most likely break down. Bucky stood up and turned his attention onto the motherfuckers that dared screw with him or his family.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Pietro was unconscious, hooked to an I.V. and looked peaceful for once.

Bucky was annoyed at him. Pietro had let his guard down because of Bucky making a stupid fucking joke that Pietro had fucking started. This was why he didn't want to be part of the Avengers - he'd get people hurt. He sighed and wiped his face with his cool, metallic hand, the lack of warmth strangely comforting. He looked over at Pietro and saw him wincing as he stirred awake. Bucky rested his arms over the back of the chair that Bucky had sat on the wrong way round. He wasn't sure why he had sat like that, but it was nice to slouch against it. Though he was mildly concerned it would break with his weight and the metal arm.

"H-hey," Pietro greeted, his throat raw, like sandpaper. Bucky waved a little, smiling tiredly, before reaching over and handing Pietro the cup of water he had gotten a few minutes prior. Pietro thanked him and sipped at it.

"You've been out of it for a few hours. Wanda said you'd be fine,"

"Oh, you were concerned for me, no?"

"Shut up, punk," Bucky muttered, sitting up a little straighter. "How're you feelin'?"

"Hurts a little, but I will be fine,"

"You almost died because of me,"

"It was my own fault. I did not see the person and didn't move quick enough. I seem to do that a lot, despite being the fastest man alive," Pietro said. Bucky bit his lip slightly, eyes searching Pietro's face.

"You'll be better next time. When I first got this arm, I was useless; the weight distribution was all out of whack and I've had to get used to having one side heavier than the other. You'll get better with your speed and whatever else because you're you and from what I've gathered, you don't take to people trying to one up you," Bucky said. Pietro smiled.

"Thanks, Bucky. That - um - that means a lot," Pietro said and Bucky felt the familiar strange feeling in his stomach. Man, he needed to talk to Steve - or his psychiatrist, that would probably be better - about all these weird feelings that were for Pietro.

He knew what they were, but didn't know how to deal with them - he hadn't been in a relationship in over seventy years and when he had, it had all been with females. Even then he had forgotten how those relationships worked out. Clint could maybe help deal with this stuff, Clint understood him in ways Steve didn't.

"I - um - I'll go now," Bucky stammered, getting up and almost tripped over the chair as he tried to get off it (why did he sit on it in that stupid way?) and quickly left the room.

"Fuck,"

"Bucky, I can hear you!"

"Shit!"

 

* * *

 

 

The Avengers (bar Bucky and Pietro) had been called on a mission thanks to the oh-so-amazing Nick Fury. They had agreed to let Bucky not go on the future missions for around five months and then he would get the offer again. Pietro had been told to recover properly before going back on another mission, which would take maybe a week or two for him to do, or a month if it was being particularly slow with recovering. The call was strange, to say the least and Fury had sworn so much Bucky didn't know whether to laugh or thank the guy.

"There's some weird ass motherfucking octopuses that look oddly like motherfuckin' Tony Fuckin' Stark's old petri dish with that dumbass DNA we all know Tony wasn't supposed to fucking have because it's fucking illegal!"

"Fury?"

"Get your asses in gear and stop that fucking thing from taking over the fucking world!"

"Where is it?"

"Budapest."

" _Shit_."

Bucky laughed at Clint and Natasha's unison reaction.

He knew about Budapest.

So there he was, sat on the same sofa as Pietro, watching a film but not really watching it. He didn't know how to react. Pietro had come limping in, his stomach area heavily bandaged, torso free of any kind of shirt. He looked annoyed, not angry but slowly getting there. Bucky hadn't said anything to him, the guilt ripping him apart. Pietro was hurt because of him.

"Umm, Bucky?" Pietro asked, his voice thick from the lack of use. He had his head tilted and was looking at Bucky with that innocent curiosity he had that made Bucky's heart melt.

"Yeah?" Bucky looked over at him, shifting where he sat so his legs were curled up and his back was against the armrest.

"Why - why did that asshole say those words?" Pietro looked confused, his eyebrows knitted together as he sat across from him, his legs lazily crossed together, minding the bandages and stitches which would pull uncomfortably if he moved too quick. He couldn't wait for the wound to be healed completely.

Bucky looked down, feeling his body tense up.

"They're -" he cleared his throat loudly, wishing he could curl up and cry into Pietro's chest again; feel the too quick thudding of his heart and the warmth that radiated from his body that outmatched Bucky's with the super soldier serum.

"It is OK, you do not have to -" Pietro began, only for Bucky to talk over him, shaking his head.

"No, it's fine. They're my, um, they're my trigger words,"

"Trigger ...? You mean for you to be turned into The Winter Soldier?" Pietro asked. Bucky didn't know why he was telling Pietro this; he didn't have to, hell he hardly told Steve all the words, scared he would accidentally turn Winter Soldier whilst reading them aloud, or someone _somehow_ finding out what the words are and taking him and using them.

"Yeah,"

"I do not blame you for killing that _suka_ ," Pietro said, his tone turning sour. "They try to manipulate you, and they should not do that, forcing you -" Pietro cut off, not able to finish his sentence.

"I don't like killing people, or that I killed people, but that's all I'm good at," Bucky said, lowering his gaze. He briefly wondered whether Steve and the others had landed in Budapest or not. Steve had promised that he'd have J.A.R.V.I.S. notify them when they did.

"That is lie," Pietro's words made Bucky look over at him, eyebrows furrowed together. "You make me smile,"

Pietro could feel the heat rising in Bucky's face from his seat opposite him.

When Bucky looked up and saw the smug look on Pietro's face, the heat in his cheeks intensified. Pietro's laughing didn't help either.

Bucky didn't really know what effect Pietro had on him, making him smile and blush and feel things he had never felt before. He was caught between liking and hating the feeling.

"We've been trying to make it so that I don't become The Winter Soldier, but it hasn't been working. Natasha's been helping too, she gets what it feels like, so does Clint," Bucky admitted, finding it easy to talk to Pietro about this. He had trouble talking to Steve and the stupid psychiatrist he didn't whole heartedly trust, but he was at ease with telling Pietro. He was confused.

"They are good people," Pietro said slowly, like he was trying to find the right word.

"Yeah, even if they don't think it,"

"Mister Barnes, Mister Rogers and the rest of the Avengers have landed safely in Budapest and Mister Barton would like to tell you and Mister Maximoff that he'd rather be with you two and - I quote this directly - 'annoy the ever loving shit out of you'," J.A.R.V.I.S cut in effectively, stopping their conversation. Both of them looked slightly up to the ceiling and grinned at what the A.I told them.

"That's Clint for you," Bucky said, smiling as he looked over at Pietro who was grinning devilishly.

"Tell him we cannot get back to him right now, we are too busy fucking," Pietro said bluntly.

Bucky laughed so hard it hurt.

"Shall I give Mister Barton the graphic detail of this so called intimacy?" J.A.R.V.I.S said and Bucky laughed even harder if it was possible.

"Yes. Unbelievable graphic detail," Pietro said, completely straight faced.

"Consider it done, Mister Maximoff," J.A.R.V.I.S said and Bucky could've sworn he could hear the smirk in the A.Is voice.

"Why?" Bucky asked as he sat back in his seat, grinning like a loon.

"I feel like we should annoy and disgust the old man," Pietro said with a shrug of his shoulders before wincing.

"The bullet wound still hurting?" Bucky questioned, sitting up slightly straighter, shoulders tense.

"Kinda. I think my metabolism helps to burn the morphine off really quickly. It hurts, but it could be worse," Pietro informed him and waved Bucky off when he went to get up. "I'll be fine,"

"'M sorry about that; should'a kept my trap shut," Bucky murmured, his eyes going to the copious amounts of bandages on Pietro's stomach.

"Does not matter, I would have made a joke similar and it would have happened anyway," Pietro said, giving Bucky that sweet innocent smile that reminded Bucky how young Pietro really was.

"You're an idiot," Bucky muttered, but there was a faint smile pulling at the edges of his lips.

"But you like me like that anyway, no?" Pietro said, the innocent smile turning into a smirk that had Bucky almost squirming. He had some self restraint and control. He could totally pretend to not find that attractive and want to kiss it o-

_Stop._

"You're lucky you've gotta pretty face," Bucky said, both regretting it and not because wow when did he become so bold like that?

Pietro's face tinted a light shade of pink that just made him look more adorable and look his age, rather than the tired older look he had adopted over his years.

"Mister Barton is thoroughly disgusted, but wants to know if Mister Maximoff is intimidated by your metal arm," J.A.R.V.I.S interrupted smoothly.

"Tell him I don't care cos it's going up his ass," Bucky said before realising and felt his body tense. Pietro laughed; so it was OK.

"Of course,"

"Clint will hate us, yes?" Pietro asked, the smirk having returned and Bucky was tempted to reach over and kiss it off him. He didn't; he was too nervous and riddled with internal homophobia he had been raised with in the forties. Man, if only he could act on his feelings, maybe Steve would be happy to see Bucky doing stuff independently instead of still waiting around for orders.

"Most likely. I wonder what Steve will think," Bucky mused, a faint, fond smile on his face.

"Nothing good, I believe," Pietro said and Bucky nodded after brief contemplation.

"He will think it's serious," Bucky told him and Pietro chuckled slightly.

"All the more reason to fuck with him, no?"

"Pietro I like the way you fuckin' think," Bucky said as his grin returned, his eyes on Pietro who was looking all the more mischievous.

"That is not the only way I fucking think," Pietro said with a sly wink.

"Didn't see that comin'," Bucky said before noticing something. "Don't you dare make an innuendo from that either!"


	6. Wanda is terrifying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda has a protective streak well over a mile wide and the ex-brainwashed assassins are actually best friends.

"Bucky ..." Steve whined and he had to try his best not to roll his eyes.

He was in one of his moods; where he wasn't bothered by anything and just felt empty.

"I'll get Pietro." Steve threatened, like that would make Bucky care. At the time, it didn't - not when he felt like he did, Bucky had these days, sometimes the mood would only last a few hours, where he would be sat brooding for most of it, looking miserable. Other times it would last days.

Trying to threaten him with Pietro wasn't really Steve's best idea, considering Bucky didn't care at the moment. He would, after he'd gotten through his mood, but he didn't. Not yet.

Bucky continued to look up at the ceiling, not actually seeing and not really feeling. Steve was talking into his phone, his words strangely muffled. Bucky sighed and closed his eyes, putting his metal arm over his eyes, the plates nipping at his skin as it whirred. A weight sat on his bed and from how heavy it was, he could tell it was Steve. He still had to get used to seeing Steve all Super Soldier and not Skinny Weakling. Sometimes, when he woke up and looked over to greet Steve, he'd do a double take when he'd see his massive form. He'd have to remind himself of the events that happened and how Steve wasn't skinny, wasn't weak and was fully capable of looking out for himself (for the most part).

"Hi."

It felt like he broke the surface.

Bucky kept his face blank as Steve spoke to Pietro, telling him Bucky just wasn't with them today. He could hear every word they exchanged. It was weird. He was almost out of his state already, when he was nose diving quicker than Steve did into the ice - but now he wasn't. Pietro had some strange effect on him and he wasn't sure whether he was glad about it or fucking hated it.

It was weird.

"I'll come back in an hour or two," Steve said, breaking Bucky from his thoughts he hadn't noticed he'd slipped in to. It happened so easily, so often. His weight vanished from the bed and the soft, audible click informed him Steve had left. His seat had been taken by a lighter weight, which had to be Pietro. He didn't find the energy to turn his head to look at Pietro. Honestly, he didn't have the energy for anything, unlike Pietro. Even from the distance, he could feel the buzz of energy coming off Pietro in waves. Honestly, it was a little daunting to Bucky to see how much energy Pietro had within him.

"May I lay beside you?" Pietro asked and all Bucky gave as a response was a half-assed grunt. Pietro took that for consent and laid down beside him, his too long hair fanning out like some weird splay of a white halo. Some of it even wafted itself over to Bucky's face, tickling his cheek and chin.

"You should get your hair cut," Bucky muttered, his chest feeling strangely heavy. Pietro shrugged from beside him.

"I do not feel like having haircut just yet. I am trying to get used to the colour,"

"You said it was from the experiments and turns white after a while, right?" Bucky questioned, turning his head to look at Pietro who had been looking right back. The closeness brought Bucky's heart into his throat and for a moment, he forgot how to breathe. His eyes ran over Pietro's features, seeing the softer and rougher parts and how his stubble needed a little trim too. He looked roguish overall and Bucky found himself liking it. Still, he appeared to not be able to get over the colour of Pietro's eyes.

"Da, it has not stopped doing that ever since it first turned white. I do not mind so much any more, except from that it is really easy to spot in a crowd,"

"Dye it," Bucky said dumbly, feeling like he was chasing Clint up for the title of Human Car Crash.

"No. It seems people like it, it - what is word? - it pleases them," Pietro told him. "Besides, if I would want to make someone remember me, my white hair is a pretty good start, no?"

Bucky sighed through his nose before he turned his head back so he was looking at the dull ceiling.

"You should put those star things on the ceiling," Pietro said after a few minutes of silence. Bucky could feel slight vibrations from Pietro and knew he was sick of being so still. He specialised in moving fast, constant movement, but was forcing himself to stay still, for Bucky's sake. There was a weird swell in his chest and he wasn't altogether too sure what it meant; it was uncomfortable but strangely nice at the same time.

He could faintly feel like he was being a douchebag. "Since you like staring up at the ceiling so much," Pietro continued when Bucky didn't answer him, "you could add pretty things up there. Like those glow in the dark stickers of planets and such. They help people who do not like the dark and can make things look prettier. The ceiling could _definitely_ look prettier."

Bucky snorted.

"I don't know why you do this," Bucky murmured. He could feel himself slowly being pulled out of the mood, but knew there was a fifty percent chance he could easily tip back into it.

"Do what?"

"Talk to me. Put up with me," Bucky added, lifting an eyebrow slightly as he spoke the second sentence. "'M not worth your time,"

"You are to me."

The words were spoken softly, washing over Bucky in a wave of the Sokovian accent and care. It scared the shit out of Bucky.

His heart thudded in his chest harshly and felt like it was making a mad dash to escape. It was doing a pretty good job trying to so far. He wondered briefly if his heart was beating as quick as Pietro's usually did, but the thought was dismissed almost as soon as it was born; he didn't know if he wanted to think about more things that could relate to Pietro. Besides, Pietro's heart usually beat so fast the pulse couldn't be detected; Bucky could definitely detect his pulse.

"You're an idiot," Bucky told him and lifted himself up into a sitting position, Pietro quickly following suit. Pietro was looking at him weird - analysing him - and he was confused on what he was feeling.

For the first time in months, he wanted to go back under cryo.

"Maybe so, but that is how I feel and you are worth more than you -"

"Stop it, Maximoff," Bucky said with a heavy sigh. Pietro noticed how Bucky used his surname; making it more formal and pushing him away. Fuck. "You're being stupid. I ain't worth shit to you or anyone else for that matter; not after everything I've done. I know I've done some really shitty things in my life - stuff I know I'll never be forgiven for. So just make peace with that and go away. I ain't worth your time and you're wasting it too,"

"Is that really what you think?"

"Da,"

"It is lie." Pietro stated stubbornly.

"You -" Bucky let out an annoyed sound and turned away from Pietro. He felt a shift in the weight distribution and Pietro was tentatively touching his shoulder. He flinched away. "You're bein' a fuckin' idiot so you might as well go be an idiot somewhere else."

He felt Pietro freeze.

"If that's what you really want." Pietro said coldly and Bucky was suddenly alone in the bedroom.

He swore loudly, turning and punching a hole in the wall, using his real hand. He turned over and pulled his quilt over himself and found hot tears were marking their way down his face.

 

* * *

 

 

Whenever Wanda was angry, people were terrified. There was almost no limit to her powers and what she was capable of, and when she was angry, you got out of her way. You didn't fuck with Wanda when she was angry.

She was particularly angry with James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes. He had upset her brother. Bucky had hell to pay for.

Bucky was still laid in his bed when the door burst open, red trails circling it. He poked his head up as Wanda stalked into the room, the door slamming shut unusually effectively behind her.

Honestly, Bucky was beyond fucking petrified.

"Wanda?"

"You hurt Pietro." Her voice was cold and cruel and Bucky could feel the same coldness as it ran down his spine, freezing him in his spot. She stalked towards him, angry red swirls covering her elegant fingers. "All he ever did was try and be nice to you, support you and then you throw it in his face. It is - what does Clint call it? - a dick move." she spat at him, her face shadowed, making her appear more menacing and dangerous.

"Wanda, if you're trying to scare me, you're succeeding," he admitted as she was now barely a foot away from him and the red swirls were enlarging, circling her body swiftly, steadily advancing towards Bucky who was frozen in his place.

No-one messed with her brother.

(Except maybe Clint.)

"He is the kindest man I know; he has looked out for me all my life because he cared and he wanted me to be safe. And now he started doing that for you and you throw it in his face. You are not nice, Bucky Barnes," she snarled, her magic spiking outwards and Bucky was pinned against the headboard, her eyes gleaming the bright red that matched her magic.

"That's kinda what I was trying to get him to -"

"Silence!"

He shut the fuck up.

"Pietro - although he won't admit it - is pretty ... gone for you, as you would probably say back when you were in the forties with Steve. Now you should probably get off your ass, and remove that stick from it too, and just tell him how you feel. I do not have to see into your heads to realise you feel the same feelings for each other, but you are holding yourself back and that is hurting the both of you," Wanda stated, her words hurting Bucky in places he didn't know hurt.

Bucky just stared at her, trying to figure her out. She was angry at him for upsetting her brother but wanted him to admit his feelings for said brother? Bucky might (maybe would) once he had gotten his head sorted out so it was relatively fine and not full of barbed wire and scarred as much. He needed the barbed wire to be taken from his mind, so that he could be fixed; needed to get the scars to fade before he could move on with his life and try and find happiness, even if he thought he didn't deserve to have it. No-one deserved to see the war field that was his mind and Pietro didn't deserve to endure Bucky's luggage. He didn't want to burden Pietro with the weight of his past - why couldn't they see this?

When did his life get so complicated? Oh wait - when he fell off the fucking train.

"So get over your problems, we all have them and you are no different. You can get over it and sort things out with Pietro because you are both being idiots -  more so than usual - and then you can finally get that happy ever after everyone apparently dreams of," she said, the red fading from her eyes slightly. Slightly. "I know your mind is shattered, I understand it, can _feel_ it. But you are stronger than you think. You just have to try. Pietro will always be waiting for you. Funny how that is the only thing that makes him stop running." And with that, she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, the door opening and closing without her touching it.

"The fuck?" Bucky asked himself as he stared at where Wanda had vanished.

He sighed before he kicked the bed covers off his body and stood up on the bed and turned to look at the vent. It was small, but he could squeeze in there, easy. He pried the cover away with ease, the cover no match for his metallic arm. Getting in was the hard part, but once he was, he slithered around the vents (which were actually bigger on the inside, he had to thank Clint for doing this often and Stark being fully aware of this and enlarging the vents for his mobility).

Bucky wasn't too sure where he ended up, but he knew it was one of Clint's many nests he would sleep in. It had purple quilts and pillows and even a beanbag and small DVD player. It was nice and quaint and a place Bucky could mull things over without too much bother. He sat on the beanbag, taking one of the fluffier looking quilts and draped it over himself, staring at the vent wall opposite him.

That was when he started to cry.

Everything he had repressed came to the surface with full force, taking him completely off guard. He couldn't remember if he had ever felt a wave of emotion like he did in those few minutes, but it terrified him to no end to have all these feelings weigh down on him. The tears were running down his face at full force and he had no way of stopping them. Not that he tried.

He wasn't too sure when Clint had found him, murmuring things into his ear as he held Bucky in a calm embrace that had him sobbing his heart out. He wanted nothing more than to feel nothing, to become the shell he used to be because he hated these feelings and how they tore him apart. Why couldn't he just have no emotions and get on with life without any struggle? They held him back.

It felt like a lifetime, but eventually he had reverted back to sniffles, his eyes stinging as his head was wracked with one spectacular headache. He had made a mess of Clint's favourite purple top, but the man didn't seem to care.

"Wanda's defensive," Clint offered. Bucky made a noise and he wasn't sure if he would be set off on a fresh wave of tears or if he would shut down.

Thankfully, it was neither.

"I'm such a bad person," Bucky muttered, not moving from his spot on Clint. The man was particularly good to cry on. _Almost as good as Pietro,_ Bucky thought. Which of course nearly set him off again.

"Me too. But there's stuff in us both that can outweigh the bad. We just have to enhance those things and show that we actually have good in us," Clint said and Bucky chuckled despite himself.

"When did you get fulla wisdom?" he asked, lifting his head up from its spot on Clint's chest.

"I'm not sure and I don't know if I like it or not," Clint answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

"We can just roll with it for now,"

"Sure. Us previously brainwashed ex-assassins have to stick together and spit wisdom at each other every so often, right?" Clint asked and Bucky felt like he could cry again - happy or sad, he didn't know. Maybe it was both. Clint seemed to understand that Bucky couldn't talk and instead allowed them both to sit in silence. For a few moments anyway.

"So ... you do know you don't have to sort that thing out between you and Pietro just yet, right? You can be 'selfish' -" Clint moved his hands into Bucky's line of sight as he said the latter word, air-quoting it. "- and fix your head first before dragging anyone else into your mess. Being brainwashed takes time to come back from. Hell, I still have my moments and I was only like that for about three days. You were like that for - what? Fifty years? Sixty? Anyway, we can't expect you to bounce back from all that horrible shit you went through. We'll not know the extent of what happened to you and I doubt that we'll ever actually know," Clint said, having started to rub circles on Bucky's back.

"Wanda told me to get the stick outta my ass,"

"It's a very big stick, it'll take time,"

"Jackass," Bucky muttered, shoving Clint in the chest slightly. Enough to knock him backwards, but not enough to hurt him.

"Jerkoff," Clint retorted, shoving him back.

Which of course turned into a weird shoving contest.

They were both wearing large grins (albeit tear stained), pushing at each other, trying to unbalance the other. Considering Clint spent a lot of his time perched on things or otherwise honing his balance and Bucky was a super soldier, they were pretty evenly matched. What took them both by surprise, was when Clint managed to pin Bucky down. It had happened purely by accident and what Clint called 'pure dumb luck'. Bucky agreed. That earnt him a smack upside the head from Clint who didn't really put much effort into the smack.

"I hate my psychiatrist," Bucky admitted once they had calmed down and were huddled together, watching some DVD on the small DVD player Clint had in his nest. Clint made a humming noise.

"Hate mine too," he said, glancing over at Bucky who was looking at him under his hair.

"Sometimes I want to stab her,"

"Me too. I think all psychiatrists give their patients that feeling,"

"Sometimes, it doesn't feel like she helps, but Steve promises that talking to a professional will help it get better," Bucky said, his voice quiet.

"Apparently it does. But it's better than keeping it secret and letting it build up inside you before it bursts like a dam,"

"You saw yours today didn't you? That's why you're so full of this wisdom bullshit," Bucky observed and Clint smiled sheepishly.

"Every Monday and Thursday," Clint told him. Bucky chuckled slightly.

"Every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for me," Bucky said, almost turning it into a competition.

"Unlucky," Clint said conversationally before huddling further into Bucky's side, trying to steal the warmth that radiated from him like a furnace.

"Could be worse," Bucky said, raising an eyebrow slightly as he pondered a thought. Clint looked up at him, his eyes all curious and suspiciously innocent.

"Yeah?"

"I could be your psychiatrist and have to see your ugly mug on a regular scheduled basis. I usually wing it when it comes to you," Bucky said before looking down at Clint with a devilish grin that had him smirking back.

"Bucky Barnes, you asshole. I'm proud." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone who has left kudos so far, it means a lot to see that people actually do enjoy my work even if it is subpar.


	7. Festive times bring back memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our all time favourite festive season is right around the corner for the Avengers and Bucky absolutely hates it. And then everything goes to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so there are huge suggestions of rape and viewer discretion is heavily advised if you are triggered by that. By the time I have updated this instalment, I will have added the tags of suggested rape. The suggestions are more near to the end of the chapter, so read at your own discretion.

Bucky hated winter. Kind of ironic right?

The cold fucking sucked and the skin - more like marred flesh - around his metal arm always stung at the negative weather, making it a turmoil of pain that had Bucky aching for days on end, even after he would be wrapped up all nice and warm. Pain always lingered and it always hurt like a bitch.

But it was so ironic he couldn't help but find some sort of amusement from it.

It had been a few months since the incident with the admitting of his self-worth being almost non-existent and pushing Pietro away. Pietro was stubborn and had appeared almost by his side a few days later, bright eyed and looking more determined than Bucky had ever seen him. Pietro didn't push information from him, didn't force him to speak and gave him options, trying to help Bucky become more part of the team, helping him have his input when the others would go on missions or something pretty domestic. Bucky knew what he was doing, secretly thanking the Sokovian speedster for being so kind enough as to let him know he had options and opinions that were allowed to be spoken. Clint did the same thing, as did Steve, but the way Pietro did it made his actions stand out more than what Clint and Steve did. Still, he thanked the other two for letting him know he had these rights.

But anyway. Bucky fucking hated winter and the stupid seasonal bullshit that came along with it. Christmas wasn't something he would actively celebrate any more. He kind of used to way back when; but that had mainly been so Steve could be happy and feel like they were a proper family and had stuff like everyone else. He didn't like it much back then, but seeing the look on Steve's face made it worth it. Now? Maybe not so much. Regardless of what Steve's emotions were, or the situation, whenever Steve looked at Bucky, there would be some kind of sadness behind his expression, behind his eyes. It kind of pissed Bucky off, but he couldn't stop it. He knew Steve felt bad for Bucky having been under H.Y.D.R.A's whim for all those years, that he had everything taken from him. But it still sucked and made him feel bad to see that he couldn't get rid of that underlining sadness whenever Steve 'American Golden Boy' Rogers looked at him.

He was tempted to speak to Steve about this - how he would be fine, that he was getting better and all this other bullshit his psychiatrist said, but he knew it would be pointless. Once Steve had decided (or rather unintentionally decided) on something, it was more or less impossible for them to change his mind on the matter.

The cold also brought back memories - and obviously bad ones at that. He hid it from everyone rather effectively; it had been his job to show no emotions as he did bad things, so hiding behind some façade that could crumble at the slightest touch from maybe a certain silver haired Sokovian, he pretended that he was fine and that he was managing.

Honestly, he preferred the summer - even if the metal was hot on the flesh of his shoulder.

When he walked down to the communal area on a lazy Saturday morning and saw maybe one too many Iron Men putting up some festive Christmas decorations, he was tempted to walk right the fuck out again. He was about to until his stomach decided to impersonate a dying whale rather loudly and everyone who had been in the area had turned to look at him incredulously and all he could do was smile sheepishly whilst shrugging his shoulders slightly.

Bucky turned his heels and made his way to the kitchen area. Clint didn't look up as he handed a cup of coffee to him, drinking from the pot as he did so. Clint was weird, but coffee was his thing. Bucky had learnt that the hard way.

"No tee-shirt this morning?" Clint asked around his pot of coffee, eyes tired and hair like an actual bird's nest. Well, he had to try and live up to his alias in some other creative ways somehow, right?

"Huh?"

"Pietro's having a hard time not checking you out - which is a surprise, since I fully expected him to be checking you out because damn, Buck, you turned out _fine_!"

"Clint, shut up." Bucky advised. "Don't talk until whatever filter you do have starts to actually work."

"My saviour. How will I ever repay you?" Clint asked, one light as he fluttered his lashes at Bucky who was smirking at Clint's antics.

"You can start by shuttin' up with the bad morning flirting. You need to wait until you're at least partially functionin' for that shit,"

"Thanks, jerkoff," Clint muttered, elbowing Bucky's side slightly, making him jostle his cup slightly.

"Jackass," Bucky said, elbowing him back, a smile on his face. Bucky felt a pair of eyes on him and glanced up and saw Steve giving him a Look. Bucky sighed, feeling his good mood depleting.

"Hey, you gone Christmas shopping yet?" Clint asked him, turning Bucky's attention back to him.

"What?"

Clint snorted at him.

"You know - generic stuff, panicking about Christmas shopping yet? I mean, it's like three weeks away, but people are hectic as fuck around now, trying to get people gifts before the day baby Jesus was pushed out of a virgin's -"

"CLINT IT'S TOO EARLY SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Bucky yelled, efficiently cutting Clint off. The others in the large area turned and gave them both curious looks. Neither ex-assassin bothered to inform them of Clint's zero filtered words.

Clint laughed at him, choking momentarily on the coffee that had been snorted into his nose and down the back of his throat. Bucky watched him struggle for a moment before he clapped Clint on the back firmly, helping him breathe again.

"Since you've reminded me," Bucky began, a smirk on his face as the redness in Clint's face refused to fade. "I'll go and do it today. It's either that or ask Stark for help and I don't feel like giving him the pleasure of me asking for it,"

"Who's asking for it?" Tony yelled from across the communal area, shit eating grin placed firmly on his lips. Bucky was tempted to punch it off; much like how he had been tempted to punch the same grin off Howard Stark's face about seventy years back.

(He then got the awful thought that he had more or less, punched the grin off his face many years later.)

Instead of answering Tony, Bucky flipped him off and finished his coffee before making his way to leave the area. He had to do something productive and going and trying to find presents for the rest of the Avengers was probably productive enough, right?

Once he was changed and looked like he wasn't much of a thug - or someone that could kill you with his pinky finger in three different ways - he asked J.A.R.V.I.S to tell the others he was OK and didn't want them checking up on him because if he was going to go present shopping, he had to do it kind of right, by being somewhat mysterious. He had made it out of the Tower in one piece, easily avoiding the crowd that was almost always at the doors. He apparently looked menacing enough for the reporters and other grade A twats that they left him well alone and let him through. Maybe they would be gone by the time he returned. It was either that or try and find an alternate way into the Tower, which was most likely possible and not all that difficult if he took a moment to find one.

He decided to get small gifts for the Avengers, but more meaningful ones to people like Steve or Clint. (Or Pietro.) (Who he was totally not thinking about constantly.)

He got a scarf for Wanda, a shade of red that looked similar to her magic and some book he knew she didn't have, but had been secretly wanting it for a while now. Hopefully the others wouldn't think to get her it. It didn't cost much either and since he had legitimately not stolen one of Tony's credit cards, no siree, it didn't really cause a dent in the cash he had. Getting something for Sam Wilson had been easy; he had gotten him a toy falcon. It was more of a joke really; the two had some unspoken rule between them to be assholes, but good assholes. Steve had been over the moon with how easily banter was between Sam and Bucky and how well they secretly got on. He also got Sam some new running gear. He had to get something Sam would actually use and appreciate.

Natasha was probably the most difficult.

In the end, he ended up getting a Russian doll set and the latest Russian horror films that had been released. It would be fun to watch it with the others being confused as to what was being said (unless Wanda or Pietro came along and watched it with them). It was either that or get her some rom-com films that would also be in Russian, but he ended up deciding against it, guessing Clint would get her something like that.

He ended up getting Tony some little Iron Man and Captain America bracelet, seeing as Tony unashamedly shipped Stony. It would probably also serve as proof that Bucky didn't mind Tony trying to get with Steve, but he would still - maybe far too willingly - rip out Tony's individual nerves if he dared fuck with Steve.

Bucky ended up getting James Rhodes some kind of masculine perfume that Bucky didn't totally hate the smell of. Nope, not one bit. He got Pepper something similar, only more flowery and less smelling like something a man would stereotypically use. And a necklace with a little pot on it; he'd seen it by chance and couldn't pass up the opportunity to get it.

That left Clint, Steve and Pietro, if his mental list was correct.

Throughout his shopping trip, he had not been noticed by the pedestrians and had managed to avoid any kind of conflict. He'd even managed to get back into the Tower to drop off the bags he had gotten with the gifts he had already purchased and hid them in a spot J.A.R.V.I.S had helpfully suggested him hide them in, that the others didn't actually know of.

He had gotten Steve several art supplies, but knew the others would probably think of the same thing, and ended up searching for something else that could remind Steve of their time back when it was just them too and Steve was always being a punk - but then again, he did that anyway. Whilst trying to find them, he found some supplies that would help him make some arrows and even found an arrow necklace and ended up buying them - being to cheesy and knowing Clint would actually love them, despite how cliché they would actually be. He also got some dog stuff for Lucky, knowing Clint loved that dumb dog probably as much as he loved Natasha.

And then he found some good shit for Pietro.

It was some Roadrunner t-shirt. Bucky had snorted when he had seen it and just had to get it. Maybe Pietro would share his sense of humour.

He ended up getting some other stuff, like the DVDs of Coyote and Roadrunner and even got him a Roadrunner necklace. Well, when Pietro would see the theme of his gifts, he'd hopefully laugh at it.

Bucky had decided to go to a Starbucks (which was something Tony and Clint sometimes called Steve and Bucky if they were drunk or wanted to be weird with their newer culture) and had gotten a hot chocolate. It was steamy, hot and made the cold that had put hooks in his skin vanish - even if it was only for a few moments. His hair was flicked into his face, the winter wind still harsh on it as the hair gave a futile performance in trying to protect it, but he had hot cocoa. He'd done some good stuff today.

He'd kept his mind occupied and hadn't broken down or anything. This had been good for him; aside from the fact he was slightly worried of being recognised and the police being notified of The Winter Soldier being on the streets -

Wait.

Was that Pietro?

He frowned to himself slightly, but yes, that was indeed Pietro about twenty feet ahead of him, his silver-white hair hidden underneath a large woollen beanie with a strange fluffy pom-pom thing on top. What was he doing out there?

The frown easing from his face faintly, he approached Pietro, his footsteps crunching the snow underneath.

"Hey," he said when he got close enough. Pietro turned around and flinched backwards slightly, his form blurring ever so slightly. "You didn't see that coming?" Bucky asked him, a grin tugging at the ends of his lips.

"Nyet. You made me jump. Err, took me by surprise?"

"Yeah. What are you doing out here?" Bucky asked as they started to walk, not wanting to cause any hubbub within the crowds around them. Just randomly stopping in the street to talk to people always made the bystanders mutter and give them filthy looks, so it was best to _walk and talk_ , as Tony Stark often put it.

Arrogant dick.

"Shopping -" Pietro looked down at the plastic bags in Bucky's hands. "I take it that you are too?"

"Da,"

"What - what is it you are looking for?"

"Shit for Steve," Bucky said with a shrug.

"That it?"

"I already got stuff for everyone else," Bucky informed him as they continued to walk.

"Even me?" Pietro asked, something underneath the innocent curiosity he wore on his face. Bucky grinned at him.

"Spoilers," he said quietly, tapping his nose and dared to give Pietro a wink.

Pietro's face flushed bright red; he couldn't even blame it on the cold.

"Who you shopping for?" Bucky asked. "I mean, I got everything for everyone, but got more sentimental shit for some others that deal with me more," he said, looking over at Pietro under his lashes.

"Clint and Natasha. Everyone else I've already done. As for that sentimental shit, I'd say that's only Clint, Wanda and probably you," Pietro answered, catching up to Bucky who had walked ahead after making Pietro's face resemble that of a tomato. The nervous smile playing at his lips as he said the latter sentence made Bucky's stomach turn and he decided he liked the feeling. _It could be worse,_ he supposed as he watched the shyness in Pietro's face play out into something that resembled confidence.

"Even me?" Bucky echoed and Pietro's blush returned momentarily, making a laugh find its way past Bucky's lips.

"S-Spoilers," Pietro muttered and Bucky grinned at him, his mood lifting in a way he had never felt before.

Yeah, he could do this shit.

 

* * *

 

 

When they got back to the Tower, Bucky took Pietro to the little hidey-hole J.A.R.V.I.S had shown him to. They had gotten all the gifts for everyone and had even wrapped the presents up together (but forced each other out of the room so they could wrap up the other's presents without them seeing them). They'd had fun, joking around and talking about relatively domestic stuff.

"Today was good," Pietro said to Bucky as they made their way to the communal area, where everyone was bound to be, unless they had been called on a mission or had decided to go and work out before getting their Christmas Fat on.

"Da, it was," Bucky murmured, voice soft, but also strangely gravelly. _Whatever,_ Pietro thought, _it suited him well,_

"What the fuck?" Bucky asked, coming to a standstill. Pietro stumbled into him and went to call him out on being an idiot, for just stopping like that, but saw Bucky's face - full of shock, mild surprise and minute horror. His jaw had actually dropped and his eyes were glued on something. Pietro followed his gaze and snorted at what was in front of them.

Steve Rogers and Tony Stark were underneath a fucking mistletoe.

Kissing.

_Well,_ Bucky thought vaguely, _I wouldn't call that kissing ... more like devouring each other's face._

"What a pleasant show," Pietro said loudly and the two broke apart. Pietro lifted Bucky's jaw and made him shut his trap. "As much as I am envious of how you two got together and I shall be forever alone - at least try to keep it PG rated, yes? I think if Bucky sees you two do that again, he might have a heart attack. Old men are bound to have heart attacks, just do not make it shock induced. After all, he is still new to this," Pietro said.

"I ... what ... I'm gonna go get coffee," Bucky said faintly and wandered off, trying to get over the shock and trying his damndest to remove the image of Tony Fucking Stark trying to shove his tongue down Steve's throat and appearing to be succeeding.

Pietro followed after him, smirking to himself and leant against the counter besides Bucky who was staring into space, a cup of coffee pressed against his lips.

"You didn't see that coming?" Pietro asked, a small snort being elicited from Bucky.

"No, I - err - I knew something was going on between them, but seeing it like that. Out in the open and kinda in your face ..." he trailed off, uncertain.

"It is sudden and it brings back memories, I think?" Pietro asked, a crease forming in between his eyebrows. "I do not know how to properly phrase it, but I do get why you are in shock. Steve is your friend and you've been pulled from the forties where if that happened, the people doing the action would -"

"Would most likely be killed," Bucky cut in. "I don't care, I want Steve to be happy, but it's something I still need to get used to seeing, I mean, I'd like to. I'd like to be able to get used to it so that I could probably do those things myself with someone I wanted to be with," Bucky admitted, his heart beginning to beat faster.

"That is understandable."

"Thanks, Pietro," Bucky said, turning his head to look over at the younger man. Pietro smiled at him, full of youth and life.

"It is no problem, old man. You need support and whatever else help you need to get used to this century," he said and Bucky smiled (albeit a little brokenly) before resting his head on Pietro's shoulder.

"And we're being blatantly gay," Tony called from wherever he was. Bucky turned his head and caught sight of Tony, his face returning to his infamous Winter Soldier Stare. Tony raised his hands up slightly and backed away. "Clearly me and Steve kissing is gayer than what you two are doing,"

"Stark, I have something to tell you," Pietro said, sounding serious. Tony frowned slightly. "Fuck off."

Tony flipped him off before turning on his heel and walked away. Probably back to Steve.

"Pietro, that was great," Bucky mumbled tiredly, a smile on his face and in his voice.

"I aim to please."

 

* * *

 

 

Bucky hated his psychiatrist with a fucking vengeance.

She could sense all the cracks and chinks in his armour and attacked there when he least expected it. Sure, she was supposed to help him and all that jazz, but it didn't mean he couldn't hate her for hitting him at his weakest.

"How are things with Pietro?" she asked, pushing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose, her eyes constantly analysing Bucky and ever single move he made. It made him feel uneasy.

"Err ... good, I guess," he answered, mentally kicking himself over the fact that he had told her he had funny feelings whenever he spoke or thought about Pietro.

"I heard that Steve and Tony made quite the impression on you the other day," she said.

"Yeah,"

"How does it make you feel?" she asked, turning her pen between her fingers with ease.

"I dunno. It was a shock, I guess. Didn't see it coming ..." A faint smile pulling at the ends of his lips. If she noticed this, she didn't say anything. Instead, she scribbled something on that stupid clipboard of hers, the noise grating at his ears. He felt like smashing it over her head.

"And how do you feel with the shock?"

"Moderate. I don't know. I want Steve to be happy," he admitted, looking between her and the clock. Time was going exceptionally slow - or the clock had decided to slow down so the session would drag.

"What about you? Do you want to be happy?"

Bucky shrugged.

"I - err - I guess? Everyone wants to be happy, so I guess I do too,"

"But you're not everyone, are you?" she asked and Bucky winced slightly. He looked over at her, wondering if Fury would be angry if he killed her. There was surveillance within her room, but no audio; the reason for these sessions was so that he had someone he could personally confide in with his feelings and thoughts and everything else that they could think of. They weren't allowed to know the topics, but had to keep a video feed in case something bad happened and he was suddenly in The Winter Soldier mode.

_Stupid, really,_ Bucky thought as he shifted in his seat, she could be an evil psychotic bitch and could do that on a purpose to make him be incarcerated -

"Something on your mind, James?" _Yes, different ways to kill you and how to get away with it._

"Don't call me that." he told her, feeling the beginnings of his Winter Soldier Stare coming into play. "My name is Bucky."

"My apologises, Bucky," she said and he had the urge to punch her in the mouth. She didn't say his name right, and it didn't sit right with him. He didn't trust her. But then again, who did trust their psychiatrist? Clint told him he didn't trust his.

"Anyway," she started, shuffling in her seat, readjusting her papers. "You are capable of getting over your past and moving on with these feelings and maybe even acting on them. As we have previously discussed, these feelings aren't bad, they are a part of your everyday society now. Of course, we know this will take time, but all wounds heal with time, yes?"

He really wanted to punch her in the mouth.

 

* * *

 

 

After his gruelling hour and a half session with his psychiatrist, there was an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach like it was moving in to a new home.

The Tower was quiet. Too quiet. Frowning slightly, he slipped his hand into his boot and pulled out his fifth favourite knife. He went into the Soldier mode, completely disregarding the Bucky side of him. Something was wrong and he was going to find out why.

"J.A.R.V.I.S?" Bucky asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

J.A.R.V.I.S didn't reply.

_Fuck!_ Bucky thought angrily. _Perfect, just perfect._

He made his way to the communal area, his steps silent. The door opened and he ducked away behind a corner, forcing his breathing to stay steady. There were dull footsteps and they were approaching him. He focused hard - only one.

Fucking idiot.

He moved backwards, hiding behind a small indent for one of the doors, knife at the ready. He could feel adrenaline rushing through his veins, heart hammering madly in his chest. Bucky had to keep a level head, he couldn't risk going back - truly going back - into The Winter Soldier.

And then a H.Y.D.R.A agent walked past.

The Winter Soldier took his chance.

The poor bastard never saw him coming.

Blood poured from the neck wound and he took the machine gun from the agent's grip.

"Dick," Bucky spat before he turned back, whipping his hair from his eyes as he twisted his head before prowling back to the communal area.

He had to get a plan. The H.Y.D.R.A agents had no doubt taken over the Tower and had gotten all the others captured. He had to think of a way to get them out without any of them being killed or seriously injured. Man, couldn't Pietro speed them all out of there within a second?

His heart lurched as he thought of Pietro being hurt so badly that he couldn't do that.

_If they hurt him, I'll kill them,_ Bucky thought angrily.

Bucky made his way to the door and bit his lip. He had to think this through.

Or he could just wing it and hope no-one he cared about got hurt.

He went with the second option.

He kicked the door down - it went flying and actually hit three H.Y.D.R.A agents, instantly knocking them unconscious. Machine gun raised, he entered the room and quickly evaluated the scene.

Steve was tied up, huge magnet cuffs on his chest, thighs, ankles, forearms and wrists. He couldn't move. He was also crying; Bucky got angry. Natasha was the exact same, only she wasn't crying, she was straight faced and looked ready to murder. Well, for once they didn't underestimate her strength.

Wanda was being electrocuted by a shock collar around her neck. She was making gasping noises, her spasming hands grabbing at her neck, trying to get rid of it. Anger like he had never felt before was tearing through him.

Tony, Pietro, Clint, Sam and Rhodey were held down by magnetised cuffs like Steve and Natasha, only on their chests, ankles and wrists. They weren't as strong as Natasha or Steve, so the agents hadn't found it necessary to hunker them down.

All of them looked terrified.

Bucky kicked into action before anyone had time to reacted to the door being kicked off its hinges. He shot the furthest agents, turning his gun on the closest one on his left, shooting up their torso before blood spurted out from their neck. Someone made a war cry behind him and he turned, his knife finding a momentary home in the agent's left eye. He yanked it out, relishing in the sickening noise it made. He dodged some bullets aimed his way, ducking behind a counter, swearing colourfully.

"BUCKY!"

He almost froze at the sound of Pietro screaming his name.

"BUC- AAAAAAAAAGHHH!"

OK, now he was pissed.

The Winter Soldier made an appearance.

He shot over the counter, hearing the bullets meet their marks. The Solider looked around his area, making sure he wasn't being snuck up on and edged backwards, around the counter. A terrified looking H.Y.D.R.A agent who could've been about twenty years old was crouched there. And then he was laid on the ground, blood pooling around his head.

It wasn't too long later did Bucky run out of bullets. Cursing up a storm, he turned to the nearest body and grabbed whatever weapon they had - another fucking knife. Snarling to himself, he flipped them up and snuck off to find his next victim.

He took on maybe fifteen agents at once.

The Avengers could only stare in shock watching as The Soldier moved, dodging and giving blows with ease, no sign of remorse on his face. He felt no regret for his actions, no care for the loss of life he left in his wake.

"Asset, you're good," a familiar voice said as a gun was placed against Pietro's leg and a bullet pierced through his leg.

Bucky froze at the scream that ripped through Pietro's throat, appearing to shake the room.

The H.Y.D.R.A bastards took their chance.

Suddenly, he was yanked backwards off his latest victim, his arms magnetised behind his back, the electricity making his Vibranium arm - or was it Adamantium this time around? - spasm and contort oddly. A gun was pressed against his temple as a knife was held at his throat. They weren't taking any chances.

"Listen here, Asset. That pretty little blond's leg will end up needing to be amputated if we don't get this shit on the road. Everyone knows that bastard needs both his legs to be useful."

Crossbones.

Bucky's eyes darted around the large room quickly. Pietro's body was shaking and blood was dripping thickly from a large wound in his leg. There was an exit wound, much larger than the entry. Fuck. Bucky looked at his face, seeing the tears making tracks down his face, which had been contorted in pain, teeth clenched around the gag that had been shoved in his mouth. They'd fucking gagged him.

"Now, you stupid ass," Crossbones said, moving around so he was in front of Bucky, waving his gun as he walked backwards. "I'll put a bullet in every part of that quick little shit's body, only this time, he won't come back. Then, I'll move onto the little witch. That won't be pretty, trust me. Then your bird friend. That will be fun, but to everyone else, it will seem like some sort of torture. Personally, I'm not a torture type. Kinda. But what can I say? He's a fine looking man in his prime,"

"Hurt me all you fuckin' want. Don't you fucking touch them!" Bucky cried out and the knife was pressed a little more firmly against his neck; Bucky feeling a few droplets of blood make their way down his neck - tiny and insignificant, but if the knife was pressed any hard, his skin would release the rest of the blood in his body.

"Oh, we ain't planning on hurtin' you, Soldier. We're plannin' on wiping you again. Back to how the good old days were," Rumlow - Crossbones - told him with a sadistic little smile that Bucky wanted to tear off his face.

"NO! NO, NO -!" Steve began, his voice reverberating.

BANG!

Bucky hunched over against his will, gasping and dry heaving. His ears were ringing, the blood pounding away in his ears not helping either. The others were screaming and he was sure someone was crying. He felt like he wanted to throw up, but forced himself to keep his stomach down - or what little of it he had left.

"Now, Cap. We can hurt him all the live long day - he said we could! Get him in the chair," Crossbones ordered and Bucky was being yanked up, the pain in his abdomen trying to rip him apart.

There was a muffled yell from Pietro and Bucky looked up through hazy eyes and saw him shaking in his seat - or was he vibrating? Bucky couldn't tell. He was forced back into the chair, his bullet wound screaming in protest, but then his arms were strapped down and the headgear was being lowered over his head.

"Fucking prick," Bucky spat at Crossbones, who simply grinned at him, all teeth. Bucky wished he could rip those stupid things straight out of his mouth.

"Now, we'll take you away, hone you into a better asset and soon enough, we'll have our little soldier back and ready to do whatever the fuck we want. And the fuck we might have,"

"NO, YOU PRICK! I'M GONNA SHOOT YOU THROUGH THE EYE SO HARD WITH MY ARROWS YOU'LL NOT FUCKING SEE IT COMING!" Clint screamed, throat raw and words echoing around the room.

Bucky's breathing picked up as Rumlow laughed humourlessly. He braced himself as the machine whirred up and suddenly everyone was screaming. This was actually happening, Bucky thought to himself, his heart round about ready to rip itself out of his chest.

"You really think I won't see you coming, Hawkeye? You're so predictable it stopped being funny about five years ago," Rumlow said as he walked over to Clint and leant forward, their heads close. Bucky let out a laugh before it happened.

Clint head-butted Rumlow who stumbled back slightly, swearing violently.

"Asshole!" Rumlow snapped and staggered towards Clint and punched him square in the mouth.

"You didn't see that coming?" Clint asked, spitting the blood from his mouth.

"Honestly? No. But I should've. Wanna know what else I might not see coming?" he asked, his eyes flitting to look at Bucky temporarily. Which was enough to cause an uproar from the others who tried their damndest to try and get free.

"Pietro!" Bucky yelled when Pietro let out a cry of pain as his movements jostled his damaged leg. He felt a sting of pain and grunted, his eyes darkening. Pietro made a muffled sound, his eyes on Bucky. The terrified look on his face would probably stay with Bucky until his dying days - that was if the memories weren't ripped from him and he was forced to forget one of the best things he had come across -

He didn't want to leave Pietro, not like this. He didn't want to forget Pietro. Bucky felt like he wanted to be sick. Why was this happening?

"How-how did you get in?" Bucky stammered, voice thick and scratchy.

Crossbones - Rumlow - _whatever_ \- the twat that started this rounded on him and walked over to him, grinning again in a way that made Bucky want to tear him limb from limb, but start with removing his nails and teeth.

"We're H.Y.D.R.A, we get into any place if we're determined to. And to answer your question - there was some really easy ways to override the A.I. and access almost the entire Tower." Rumlow said, his grin unwavering.

"I'm gonna rip you apart,"

"Oh, like those guys over there?" Rumlow asked, pointing to the agents strewn across the floor, blood pooling around each body, some of the bodies in odd angles. Bucky wanted to feel guilt for leaving them like that - all mangled and destroyed - but he couldn't. His friends and family were being hurt and he had been the only one who could try and stop it. And he had failed.

He'd been the reason for all of this. H.Y.D.R.A had come to the Tower. Guilt started in his gut, near his bullet wound. He'd slowly bleed to death if they weren't careful. It was either that or his body would heal over the wound and the bullet would be stuck in him. He didn't like either of those options.

"Nothin' you assholes can do!" Rumlow yelled over the noise of the machine whirring ever louder and Bucky's stomach lurched as Pietro, Clint and Steve's screams were the loudest he could hear, yelling at Rumlow to stop being such a sick fuck and to let Bucky go. Bucky closed his eyes, his body shaking from pure fear. He refused to cry at this point, refused to let those bastards see just how terrified he was. He refused to give them the satisfaction.

And then the machine started.

His last thoughts had been of Pietro.

The others stopped their yelling and crying when they heard Bucky screaming, his body convulsing against the restraints. The electricity wracked his brain and he couldn't stop the screaming that erupted inside him, ripping his throat apart as they tore through his lips. He could feel the memories being almost lacerated from his mind as he tried to claw them back, but it was the Machine and he was only Bucky Barnes, The Winter Solider. This machine was one thing The Winter Solider couldn't win against.

Bucky didn't remember much after that. Only that there was lightning - but that could have been his imagination as the machine whirred and let out sparks of electricity - but he was sure he had heard angry yelling before he passed out.


	8. Pietro isn't religious anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens as it usually does, but festivities are in full throttle.

Bucky Barnes woke up in a white room. He didn't know where he was.

His head was pounding and he felt disorientated. His vision was blurry and seemed to lag, seeing more than double. He felt himself groan, the sounding coming to his ears a moment later, like he was out of time with things (it wouldn't be the first time).

"Buck?" a familiar voice asked. He frowned a little, his eyes aching and turned to the voice.

He jumped a mile and sat up in his bed, instantly regretting at the pull in his stomach area.

"You got bigger?" Bucky questioned, the previous frown on his face becoming more prominent. He winced to himself as he shifted again and placed a hand tenderly on what must've been a bad wound.

"Buck, don't you remember?"

"Remember what?" Bucky asked, his heart hammering madly. He looked around and something glinting light caught his eye.

He screamed.

It probably wasn't dignified, but considering there was a buff Steve, when the last he'd seen was a skinny weakling, five foot nothin' - and he had a metal arm!

"Bucky, Bucky, Bucky!" Steve said loudly, over the noises of panic and heavy breathing that were coming out of Bucky like no tomorrow. Bucky turned to look at him, eyes wide and bright like a deer caught in headlights. Steve shifted and sat on the edge of his bed, kind eyes and sad smile.

"Steve, what's wrong with me?"

"You've just lost some memories -"

"Some?"

"- a fair amount. But it's OK. Our friend - Thor - he's gone to get something from where he comes from to help give you them back," Steve told him, voice soft and deep. Bucky nodded, despite feeling like he was ready to pass out. "You were shot," Steve added, seeing how tenderly Bucky was holding his bandaged abdomen.

"What?"

"It's a long story, but Thor -" Steve was cut off when the door to their hospital room burst open, thankfully not crashing into the wall.

The man was tall, had long blond hair and looked like he was out of some Vikings tale or whatnot. Bucky was confused.

"Hello, Bucky Barnes! It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance!" the man said, his voice loud, shaking in Bucky's head. "I'm Thor. Of Asgard," he said, striding into the room, holding several bottles that made Bucky feel uneasy. He didn't trust them, or this humongous man. He'd never heard of Asgard, it could be some bullshit psycho place.

"Thor's a friend," Steve spoke up, grabbing Bucky's attention. "He's not from Earth, but where he's from - Asgard - they have different kinds of medicines. Those bottles have stuff that'll help bring your memories back," Steve explained, gently moving forward to take a hold of Bucky's hand. Bucky only just realised how hard he was shaking. Thor held out the bottles with a smile and Steve nodded his thanks, pulling his hand away to get the objects from the bigger man.

Bucky could feel the start of a panic attack, his hands turning to fists, Steve was trying to keep eye contact with Bucky. Thor was looking pained and apologetically guilty. Bucky felt like he was about to cry. Why did he have a metal arm? Why was Steve - was Steve on steroids?

There was a knock at the door - or rather a knock on the doorframe as the person hovered in the doorway awkwardly. The man had white hair - white! - and was looking at Bucky in a way he didn't understand.

"I know you," Bucky said, momentarily knocked out of his panic. The man smiled and gestured into the room before walking in. Bucky didn't say anything as Thor left, letting the white haired man past. He sat on Bucky's bed, bright eyed and tousled hair. Bucky noticed how he walked with a limp and had several bruises on his face,

"Me and you are friends. Me and Steve want you to be OK, but that means drinking those potion things and having a big headache later," the man explained. "They don't taste nice either. I know this because I got shot a lot in my chest," he paused to point to where his scars were. "Eight or nine times, I think, yes?" he looked over at Steve who nodded. Bucky felt his stomach do a flip.

"Bet that hurt," Bucky said dumbly, his Brooklyn accent rolling off his tongue as easily as the white haired man's did.

"Will you take those potions? I cannot tell you how long you'll have a headache, but I can tell you they taste like shit," Bucky couldn't help but laugh, appreciating how honest the man was with him.

He decided he liked the young man.

"Uh, OK," Bucky said, looking over at Steve, unable to believe it was Steve. What the fuck did he do? "What did you -?"

"The docs fixed me up, Buck. I'm all good now,"

"You're a punk,"

"Jerk," Steve retorted and held out one of the potions. Bucky scrunched his nose up a little, apprehensive. The young man nudged his arm slightly, and Bucky turned to look at him, only to see the man giving him an imploring look. Bucky could feel his cheeks heat up slightly before he turned and took the potion from Steve, who was looking at the man thankfully.

"Fuck me," Bucky muttered and downed the horrible liquid.

"Maybe later,"

Bucky choked a little, but managed to swallow the disgusting shit. He gave the white haired man a dark look, but all he did was smile at him. He flipped him off and held out his hand to Steve who was grinning and handed him the next bottle. Bucky downed that one and felt a pounding start in his head.

"Last one," Steve said, and pressed the final bottle into Bucky's hands. His vision was starting to blur again and the man put his hands on Bucky's arms and he looked up at him.

"Last one and then all you will have to deal with is an annoying headache," he told him.

Annoying headache.

Bucky would be having words with him later.

As soon as he had swallowed it, pain like he had never felt before exploded in his head. He dropped the bottle and suddenly he was in a soft embrace, his head trying to split itself open. Someone was talking to him and he was remembering things so hard and fast that he felt like he could cry. He felt like he was crying, but the pain was taking control over everything about him.

Faintly, he felt his head lolling back against something warm and solid.

There was a soft rumbling of a voice washing over him and he could feel the heat in him getting steadily warmer.

He passed out.

 

* * *

 

 

He woke up all hazy and with one hell of a fucking headache. Every single memory. He remembered everything. He could remember everything from when he had been with Steve growing up, falling from the train, what H.Y.D.R.A did, what Rumlow did, what he did when he was The Winter Soldier, coming to the Tower - _Pietro_.

He could feel himself crying, tears streaking down his face. His breaths were shuddering and uneven.

"... Wanda is of course wrong. She is right about a lot of things, but not this," Pietro was saying, his deep, heavy accented voice covering Bucky softly. "Doesn't help that mine and her minds are so heavily connected she is able to look into my mind with ease," he said, Bucky slowly becoming aware of how he was curled up beside Pietro, whose arm was around his shoulders. His head was on Pietro's chest, above his too fast heart. "How are you feeling?"

Bucky shook his head a little and Pietro hummed, shifting his arm slightly to hold Bucky closer.

For a while, they just laid in silence, which was enough for Bucky. Pietro sat beside him, noticing how Bucky was steadily shuffling closer to him. He shut his eyes, his arms protectively over Bucky. His leg was stinging, but he ignored it; his priority being Bucky.

"How did H.Y.D.R.A get in?" Bucky asked after what felt like an eternity.

"Rumlow had some back entrance into the Tower, took J.A.R.V.I.S down too. They also had some double agent of some sort," Pietro answered. Bucky nodded. "Stark has fired about everyone, except from the people he really trusts,"

"OK,"

"You seem really calm, all things considered,"

"I just ... I'm really tired, angry and really wanna kill Rumlow," Bucky admitted.

"If I was in the same position, I would feel the same," Pietro said. Bucky made a noise, hurt and sad and scared.

"Crossbones - Rumlow - was always a dick. I'd forgotten about what had happened," he murmured, his voice reverberating on Pietro's chest.

"You do not have to tell me what that bastard did to you," Pietro said, voice soft but angry.

"I-I-"

Pietro sighed and held him closer, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head. Bucky's body shook and Pietro had to force himself not to cry. Pietro made a silent promise: he would fucking kill Brock Rumlow.

Bucky cried hard and true, his body shaking harshly against Pietro's. Pietro could feel the tears (and probable snot) getting on his t-shirt, but he didn't care in the least. He could feel his own tears slowly make their way down his face and he tried to blink them back, he really did. But seeing Bucky this broken and hurt broke him a little.

"I will kill him," Pietro murmured, voice thick and rough. Bucky shook his head. "No, I will. After everything he did, he should rot. But I am going to kill him."

"Pietro, you shouldn't say -" Bucky began, shifting into a sitting position, but Pietro shook his head.

"No. I will. He will not get away with what he did," Pietro insisted. Bucky bit his lip, his stomach flipping as he rested his forehead against Pietro's, heart hammering. "You do not have to talk about what happened. But I will be here, for if you ever do want to talk about it or cry some more," he murmured, breath fanning over Bucky's face. Bucky let out a choked sound that vaguely resembled a laugh.

"Thank you," Bucky whispered, a few more tears dripping down his face.

 

* * *

 

 

Tony had a load of different homes - some S.H.I.E.L.D knew and some they didn't - he and the other Avengers and Bucky were now holed up in one of the houses S.H.I.E.L.D didn't know about.

There were enough rooms for everyone there (of course there was, it was Tony Stark's), but a few people had decided to bunk rooms. Namely Steve, Tony, and Wanda and Pietro. (Maybe even Clint and Natasha.)

Bucky was alone in his room.

Pietro had gotten their gifts for the others and had hidden their stuff in Bucky's bedroom. They were all in the large living room, curled up watching TV. Bucky had decided to join the others, despite feeling tremendously unstable.

"The Tower's being sweeped," Tony was saying. "Just to make sure there aren't any more bugs, hackable areas. Also making sure that we can block off the areas of the Tower S.T.R.I.K.E got in through and enforce J.A.R.V.I.S to be better and not get taken down as easily," Tony explained to Steve who was nodding, his Captain America concentration face going full throttle. Bucky had a blanket draped over him, a cup of hot cocoa in his hands. Steve was a foot or so away from him, Tony by his side. Natasha was sat on the chair in the corner, looking somewhat like a cat, eyes looking over the others, poised ready to attack if the need arose. Thor was fiddling with Mjölnir, looking rather pleased for some reason.

Clint and Pietro and Wanda were putting up festive decorations.

"Hey, did you know that Hanukkah started on the twelfth?" Tony spoke up after a moment of silence - bar from the noise of Clint and Wanda putting decorations on the higher parts of the walls.

Whatever reaction he was hoping to get, he didn't receive.

"How are you holding up, Terminator?" Tony asked, shifting to reach over Steve to nudge Bucky with his foot.

"I'm not."

"Well, at least you're honest," Tony shrugged. Steve started to speak up but Bucky shook his head, eyes on the lazy spirals of steam coming from the mug in his hands.

"Thor, do you have any more po-"

"Steve, no," Bucky said, the sound of his voice stalling everything in the room. He could feel every set of eyes on him. "That'd be like putting me on drugs. Stupid, pointless and it'll probably fuck me up,"

"Buck, come on, I -" Steve began, but silenced at the look on Bucky's face. Bucky bit his lower lip slightly before sighing and getting up, putting the mug down, and walked off to his room. He made it and was shutting it as a faint silver-blue blur made it through.

"Pietro, I'm not in the mood," Bucky said with a sigh, ignoring the man as he went and laid on his bed, pulling the quilt over him. Bucky heard Pietro's footsteps, strangely slow, but loud enough for him to hear.

"I know. But you do not deserve to be alone. I am not going to let you be alone not after everything you have been through,"

"Pietro, fuck off,"

"I will stay here with you, you need it, even if we do not talk. The company is reassurance, no?"

Bucky didn't reply and it appeared that Pietro did not mind. Instead, he sat on the floor beside Bucky's bed and picked up the nearest book, flicking to the first page.

They were like that for hours: Bucky a silent mound in his bed whilst Pietro read the book. Bucky wasn't sure why Pietro was reading as slow as he was; he could always use his super speed to read it within a second. Pietro was just a bundle of confusion and questions to Bucky, which was intriguing. He wanted to talk to Pietro about it - about anything really - and it made him want to be around people more.

Bucky wasn't too bothered about people; hadn't been for a long time, but Pietro was changing different parts of his life, it terrified him and he wasn't too sure how he truly felt about it, but at the moment, he kind of liked it. He wanted to run with the moment, but at the same time, he couldn't feeling rooted to where he was standing.

"Bucky?"

Bucky groaned. Pietro snorted.

"Cap, I do not think he wants to be around other people," Pietro called in lieu of Bucky answering. There was a tense moment, both Bucky and Pietro could feel it. Bucky pulled the quilt off his head and looked at Pietro tiredly, wondering how Steve was not breaking down the door and yelling. Pietro glanced over at Bucky and for once, saw just how truly tired Bucky was and it created a turmoil in his stomach. Pietro had to look back at the door, unable to see the look on Bucky's face without feeling his heart breaking at the sight of him.

"Oh. OK. Do you two want anything to eat?" Steve asked and Pietro turned his head to look at him.

"Hungry?" he asked, eyes their usual wideness and full of that innocence and curiosity. There was something underneath that look again, but for once Bucky was able to discern what the underlying emotions were: concern and sadness.

"I dunno," Bucky answered a little dumbly. A faint smile flashed on Pietro's face, too fast for Bucky to actually catch.

"Maybe some more hot chocolate and something sweet?" Pietro asked.

"Sure, kid," Steve called back and they heard his footsteps retreating.

"Doesn't it bother you?" Bucky said, his eyes having not moved from Pietro the entire time. Pietro turned to look at him, a frown creasing its way into his face.

"Does what not bother me?"

"The staying still. You've been staying still a lot, whenever you're around me - which is a lot of the time. Doesn't it drive you insane?" Bucky asked curiously.

"I suppose so, yes. But I can put my own problems aside and help you because you need it. I do not mind waiting, being slow, for you to be able to catch up," Pietro said with a surprisingly soft smile that made Bucky's stomach turn weirdly.

"That's - that's the nicest thing anyone as ever said to me, after all this shit," Bucky said, the back of his neck heating up slightly. The smile on Pietro's face widened and Bucky found himself smiling back.

"It is true though. It seems like everyone is too fast around you, so someone should slow down to help you catch up," Pietro said with a shrug. "No-one else will, so why not let the fastest man around slow down and help an old man?"

"You're lucky you're cute," Bucky mumbled and pulled the covers over half of his face, efficiently hiding the blush that creeped into his face.

"You think I am cute? That is ... adorable," Pietro said and Bucky saw the grin on his face.

"I am not," Bucky muttered, his sending across the annoyed bitch face he was wanting to do, but the blush on his cheeks was preventing him from showing the actual thing. Pietro simply smiled at him again.

"It is nice to know someone appreciates my good looks," Pietro said and Bucky groaned, hiding his face in the comfort of the quilts, Pietro's laugh washing over him.

"What did H.Y.D.R.A do to you?" Bucky asked Pietro after a while. By this point, Pietro had gotten the stuff from Steve, both of Pietro and Bucky curled up together, the sweets and other unhealthy things Steve had gotten them in their laps as they nursed two mugs of hot chocolate. Bucky felt Pietro tense up for the barest of seconds. "You don't -"

"It is OK. I am over it - mostly. They mainly did experiments with the sceptre and what it could do to us, so how long we were exposed to what it could do to alter us. They did some other things that were not pleasant; which was injections. They hurt and helped to kickstart what the sceptre had put inside us? I do not know much since I do not understand what it was, but it was that. They underfed us and kept us in little cells, separated from each other, but beside each other. It hurt to hear Wanda in pain, it was my fault and I could not reassure her, hug her or tell her we could get out of there. But I am glad we are out of there now. It may not be what we had originally wanted, but I suppose it may be better. We found out it was not actually Stark who had killed our parents and we also met you," Pietro said with a shrug of one of his shoulders before he sipped at his beverage, eyes on Bucky.

"At least you got through it in one piece; you're a lot stronger - mentally and emotionally - than you give yourself credit for," Bucky told him, pointedly ignoring what Pietro had finished his story with.

Bucky guessed he should talk to his psychiatrist about that and what affects it could have on him. She loved it when he talked about shit like that.

"You doubt yourself too much, James Barnes," Pietro said.

"Bucky," Bucky corrected. "That isn't who I am, it's Bucky," Pietro nodded before resting his head on Bucky's shoulder.

"Bucky comes from your middle name, yes?"

"Yeah,"

"It is Buchanan, yes?"

"Yeah?" Bucky didn't mean for it to come out like a question, but his curiosity of what Pietro was getting at was making him weird.

"My middle name is about as silly,"

"What is it?"

"Django."

Bucky snorted.

And then Bucky was laughing hard, his entire frame shaking as the name _Pietro Django Maximoff_ rang through his head. His hand holding the mug trembled and he felt it get taken from him. He could hear Pietro laughing quietly beside him, his head against Bucky's shoulder blade as he continued to laugh.

When the name _Pietro Django Maximoff-Barnes_ swept through his head, he swiftly ignored it.

"I'm sorry," Bucky choked out, wiping a stray tear from his face. "I thought mine was bad,"

"At least people can pronounce your name. The amount of times I have been referred to as Peter,"

"I like your name," Bucky said, his voice surprisingly soft. He felt Pietro move and he turned to look at the white haired man, whose face was a nice shade of pink.

"Thank you. I quite like yours too. Even if it is ridiculous," Pietro replied, eyes looking over Bucky's face in a way Bucky didn't quite understand.

He wasn't sure what was happening, but the laughter had died down and were they getting closer?

"Bucky?"

Pietro jumped so hard and fast he ended up on the other side of the room. Bucky could feel his cheeks burning slightly and coughed trying to clear his throat.

"What?"

"Tomorrow, we're going to swap presents and shit," Steve said through the door. "Hey, can I come in?"

"Sure,"

Steve opened the door and looked around the room, seeing Pietro sat on the small chair, legs kicked up over the arm, a book against his thighs. He raised an eyebrow but Pietro seemed to be decidedly not looking at Steve or Bucky, his eyes on the book. Steve turned and sat next to Bucky on the bed, right where Pietro had been.

"You feeling better?" Steve asked quietly. Bucky shrugged a little before nodding, though his eyes weren't on Steve. "I think you should see more than just your psychiatrist; you've been through a lot and need to talk to someone who is experienced in dealing with people who are in similar situations like yo-"

"Steve." It wasn't Bucky who said his name, instead it was Pietro. The two super soldiers looked over at the speedster, both wearing matching confused looks.

"Pietro?"

"Shut up,"

"Pietro -"

"Leave it, Stevie, he means well," Bucky said, his metal hand reaching out to take a hold of Steve. Steve flinched away, face looking angry and scared at the touch. Bucky felt himself break that little bit more. Steve seemed to notice.

"Sorry, Buck, I just - the thing -"

"Steve, maybe you should go?"

"Keep out of this Maximoff," Steve snapped, his steel gaze turned on Pietro who didn't appear to give a fuck.

"I am only suggesting since you seem to be upsetting Bucky," Pietro told him, looking indifferent. Steve seemed to get more angry and swore at Pietro in a way that made Bucky gape at him.

"Steve! Fuck off and calm down!"

"All I'm trying to do is help you and he's here -" Steve began and cut himself off, turning his gaze away from both of the other men in the room. "He's here doing what I should be doing," Steve said, trying to keep his voice calm.

"I'm fine, Stevie. I'm supposed to befriend the others and he's kind of imprinted on me like a baby duckling," Bucky said, grinning at the indignant 'hey!' that came from the corner Pietro was residing in. "He ain't replacing you. You're helpin' in one way and he's helpin' in another," Bucky told Steve quietly, who nodded and rested his head on Bucky's shoulder, grimacing at the metal that greeted him. He sighed before getting up and leaving the room without another word.

"Steve is jealous of me?" Pietro asked a few moments after Steve had left, a look of mild confusion etching its way onto his face.

"Probably," Bucky shrugged. "It happens, no big deal,"

Pietro sighed before he got up and sat beside Bucky again, who decided he quite liked Pietro's weight against his, having shifted so that their shoulders were touching. Pietro either noticed or wanted the touch as much as Bucky did because he slipped his fingers between Bucky's metal ones. Bucky felt his heart jolt at the movement. No-one had ever touched it, besides from Clint who enjoyed sticking magnets to it spelling atrocious words, or the scientists back at H.Y.D.R.A, but the H.Y.D.R.A ones didn't count. Not to Bucky anyway.

Two people had willingly touched Bucky's metal arm.

What the fuck?

"I trust you and every part of you, even the parts Steve does not like. You have got yourself under control." Pietro murmured, his breath warm on Bucky's skin. Bucky didn't know how to reply, so instead, he ran his metal thumb over the back of Pietro's hand, resting his head on top of Pietro's. Thankfully, Pietro didn't move away. "You do not give yourself enough credit. You are good, Bucky Barnes,"

Bucky smiled.

 

* * *

 

 

"Bucky, time to get up,"

"Steve, I will kill you with my pinkie finger if you wake me up this early ever again,"

"Buck, c'mon, it's Christmas!" Steve exclaimed and Bucky sighed before turning to look at the blond man, eyes bright and young. Bucky could feel a tired smile tugging at his lips as he looked at Steve, memories of many Christmases from way back when seeping into his mind and he - unwillingly - got up, kicking his covers off his body.

"Let's go, Stevie -" Bucky began, cutting himself off with a yelp as Steve grabbed his hand and dragged him to the living room.

Bucky hadn't really been outside of his room, but the house was far too large; it suited Stark perfectly (Bucky reckoned Stark was clearly overcompensating. Maybe he'd ask Steve, just to see Stevie's horrified expression). The living room fitted a large ten foot tree with area above to spare and there were multiple chairs and sofas spread out the room sparsley and the others were already unwrapping their gifts, smiling at each other in a way that made Bucky feel like an outsider.

"Christmas," Pietro said, suddenly beside Bucky with a small present in hand. Bucky jumped ever so slightly, but otherwise didn't show any other reactions or emotions.

"You not into Christmas?" Bucky asked as he looked over at Pietro, who had donned a large jumper that didn't suit him and had a strange hat on his head that vaguely resembled a hawk.

"Nyet. Wanda and I are Jewish - or were in my case - so I do not usually celebrate these things. Makes Wanda happy and everyone gets together and looks like a family, so I go along with it," Pietro explained with a shrug before nudging Bucky with the small gift. "For you. I did not know if you celebrated anything, but it is the season of giving and all that mush, so here is your gift," Pietro said and Bucky smiled, small but real.

"Spasibo," Bucky said quietly, the two leaning in closer to each other unconsciously, heads lowered as Bucky unwrapped the present in his hands.

Well. That made Bucky feel like an idiot for getting Pietro those joke gifts.

The present was a small little bracelet and necklace, Captain America shield on one and a bow and arrow on the other. Underneath, tucked away from the two was a sniper rifle bracelet, the material the small rifle on was a mixture of blue and silver. Bucky wasn't one for accessories like those, but he guessed he could appreciate them enough and wear them.

"Thanks,"

"You like?"

"Da, er, yeah, I do," Bucky said and looked up at Pietro, his eyes feeling strangely like they were on the verge of stinging.

"Good,"

"I - um - I put your presents with the rest under that stupid thing," he jerked his head towards the giant tree, "but I don't think they're as good as these," he said.

"Nyet, whatever it is, I will like," Pietro said, before making to walk towards the others, only for Tony to yell out, his finger pointed at them.

"What, Stark?" Tony's eyes flickered up above their heads and the two looked up to see something very annoying and very stupid.

"Fuckin' really?" Bucky asked, his eyes narrowing on the mistletoe above his and Pietro's heads. Bucky looked at Tony with some expression Tony couldn't quite understand, but watched as Bucky didn't break eye contact as he reached up and ripped the mistletoe from its momentary home and threw it aside, hitting Thor who gave the mistletoe a filthy look as he fiddled with the toy hammer Clint had gotten him as a joke. Clint, who had seen the entire thing, was off laughing his ass beside Wanda and Natasha, both of whom were looking at him slightly exasperatedly.

"Didn't see that comin'," Bucky grumbled as he went and sat down on the sofa, fiddling with the little gifts Pietro had gotten him as Tony slithered over to Steve and pressed a kiss to Steve's temple. Something twisted inside Bucky and it hardly took him a moment to realise he was feeling jealous. Or was it envy? Either way, he was pining after what Steve and Tony had.

Fuck.

Pietro ended up on the same seat as Bucky, taking away the wrapping paper of some of his gifts. Bucky slid on the accessories, finding them quite pretty.

Bucky watched as the others unwrapped their gifts. Wanda had thanked him for both the book and the scarf, looking happy with what she had received, but also guilty as she hadn't gotten Bucky anything. He had to reassure her that he didn't mind and her happiness was gift enough. Beside him, Pietro snorted. Natasha had said her thanks, evil grin placed firmly on her face as she looked at the different horror films, the Russian dolls placed beside her looking exceptionally creepy.

Well, Clint wouldn't be sleeping for a while now.

Sam had thrown Bucky's gift to him, which ended up being a Bucky Bear and the two had laughed a little at the childish presents they had gotten each other, neither of them missing the way Steve was looking at them. The serious gifts had been great too; Sam had been needing some running gear and the new scope Sam had gotten him was actually pretty nifty.

Tony had gotten up and hugged Bucky, much to his discomfort. Tony fake cried about how Bucky was now his 'super duper bestest friend forever, fuck Steve and Rhodey, me and Terminator are best friends'. The others had been taken by surprise, as apparently both Tony and Bucky liked little accessories like bracelets. Rhodey had thanked him for the perfume shit Bucky wasn't altogether sure about, but waved Rhodey off when he began to apologise for not getting Bucky anything. Pepper had the same reaction and kissed Bucky's cheek, thanking him as he had somehow managed to get her favourite perfume that Tony had possibly forgotten to get (Tony had gotten her some fancy new dress, so he was in the clear).

Steve had thanked him for the art supplies Bucky had gotten him and had also thanked him for the large Iron Man jumper Bucky had ended up getting when he had been shopping with Pietro. Pietro and Bucky grinned at each other as they watched Steve and Tony arguing who looked better wearing the other's superhero's face on their jumper. Pietro had gotten Tony the Captain America jumper.

Clint had fake cried on Bucky when he got his gifts, claiming that Bucky was his favourite and could replace Clint as Hawkeye if he ever retired and the mantle was ever up for grabs. The two had talked about arrows before Clint remembered he had gotten Bucky a gift and threw it at his head. Bucky thanked him for the book collection, even if it was in Russian. He appreciated how Clint didn't care if he slipped into different languages and gave him stuff for if that ever happened.

"Thanks for the presents," Pietro said, now suddenly wearing the Roadrunner t-shirt, which caused several laughs from the others. "I have been wanting to watch the Roadrunner and Coyote episodes, so that is great," he said and Bucky noticed how he was wearing the necklace. Bucky had long since put his little accessories on, feeling more human than he had in a while.

"I'm glad you like them," Bucky said as he looked at Pietro who slid down from the arm of the seat to maybe not so subtly onto Bucky's lap. He put his arm around the back of the seat, smiling at Bucky in a way that made his stomach turn again. He could feel his heartbeat picking up and mentally calmed himself down. Pietro was being mindful of both of their injuries, which was nice that he had considered Bucky's pained areas and adjusted himself so he wasn't in any way hurting Bucky.

Yeah, this was normal.

"Sorry, about this," Pietro said. "Just sitting on you like this. I am not making you uncomfortable?"

"No, you're not, it's ok,"

"Gay," Clint faux-whispered at them and the two of them flipped him the bird at the same time, not getting the results they wanted. Instead, Clint cackled to himself, twiddling one of the new arrows Bucky had made as he got up to most likely get some coffee, readjusting his hearing aids with his other hand as he went.

"What did Wanda get you?"

"The jumper, it was nice. Soft but also scratchy at the same time. We make each other jumpers - or used to - when we were younger and when we first joined. It is a little thing we do,"

"That's nice,"

"Do you and Steve do things like that?" Pietro questioned and Bucky shrugged.

"I don't remember much, except from that I always tried to make Christmas the best for him since he was always so sick during the winter and needed looking after all the time,"

"I take offence to that!" Steve called over to him and Bucky stuck his tongue out at him.

"Do whatever, punk; I looked after than fine ass of yours,"

Oh my god, did he actually say that out loud?

Pietro was laughing loudly beside him, head thrown back as he continued to laugh. Steve looked shocked, but there were traces of amusement in his face as Tony snorted into his coffee cup, effectively making him choke. There was a dull thud in the kitchen and Clint's laugh soon followed it before a yelp and 'AW, COFFEE, NO!' whilst Bucky tried to not want to curl up and hide. Man, he was turning into Clint - when did he get such a bad filter?

"You didn't see that coming?" Pietro managed to say before he was overcome with another laughing fit as Clint's in the kitchen renewed itself as well. Bucky sighed and put his flesh hand to his face, trying to ignore how his metal hand had rested on Pietro's him and the others were no doubt looking at him like he was some weird animal show at a zoo.

"Fuck," Bucky muttered and Pietro fell off the seat laughing.


	9. Aliens and accidental holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aliens are weird and spontaneous holidays are alright.

It took a while, but soon after the whole S.T.R.I.K.E/H.Y.D.R.A fiasco, they were back in the Tower, with more security and CCTV than Bucky thought possible. It was Tony Stark, for Christ's sake; there was bound to be more than strictly necessary.

About a week later, there was a call for the Avengers to assemble.

"What's the call?" Bucky asked as he walked with Steve to the nearest jet, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. Even though he had been a Soviet assassin, he still had days where getting out of bed was the hardest task. Being tired was tiring.

"There's some weird alien thing," Steve began and Bucky had to bite back a groan.

Fucking aliens.

"Great,"

"Yeah. They're causing shit on Lanzarote and we should be going and getting rid of them," Steve said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Buck, you don't have to go on this mission if you're not ready," Steve told him, placing his hand firmly on Bucky's shoulder.

"I know. I am ready. My head might be a bit hazy or whatever, but I'm still good. It could be worse; I could always be somewhere off in a room salivating everywhere,"

"Not funny, Buck."

"Never is," Bucky grumbled. The two got in, the other Avengers following suit and they were soon strapped down and being flown off to their destination.

Bucky laid his head back against his seat, shutting his eyes. His head was aching and he felt quite hungry, but could go a few days without feeling too hungry or dehydrated. He could feel someone's eyes on him and guessed it would either be Pietro or Steve. When he opened his eyes and looked around, he saw it was indeed Pietro. Bucky wasn't surprised.

They'd managed to get close during their time at Stark's huge mansion; hiding away in Bucky's room, reading or just sitting together, keeping each other company. Sure Steve was good company, but it wasn't the same as being around Pietro. It was nice to have more than Steve and Clint, something about Pietro was different to Bucky. He knew he had those weird feelings he didn't quite understand, but he knew they were only for the white haired speedster. Sure, he had a clue as to what the feelings were, but internalised homophobia courtesy of the forties didn't help much.

Pietro winked at him and Bucky smirked a little, rolling his eyes slightly before turning his gaze to the ceiling. Bucky decided he'd have to talk to Pietro about his feelings soon; he felt like he'd probably go insane if he didn't, but it was difficult to think about them after everything he'd seen when he was younger. He'd do it soon. It could fuck up his friendship with Pietro, but then at least the other man would know Bucky's weird feelings.

The jet shuttered and they were soon enough unbuckling themselves as the doors opened. They clambered out into the hot scorching sun and Bucky regretted his suit being made of some leather and black Kevlar. It was so _warm_.

"What the fuck?" Pietro asked from a few feet behind Bucky.

What the fuck indeed.

The aliens looked _like_ cats. Only _not_ cats. They were large and blue and had weird green talons the size of three Thors stacked on top of each other. A frown creased its way on Bucky's face as he observed them, watching how they moved (haphazardly) and watching if they had any motives (fuck shit up). It also had more than two eyes and the legs weren't really that of a cat, but more like some weird demonic creature - maybe like a Wendigo - but the face was vaguely cat-like.

"Stevie?"

"OK, Stark, Thor, fly around, check their weaknesses, Hawkeye, try and find somewhere high up, see if any more are coming and try to stop them in their tracks. Romanoff, secure the area, make sure they don't leave and keep the civilians away from the area; we don't need any other casualties, Pietro if you can do the same, that'd be great. Wanda, you go and create a barrier around them, try to keep them contained and Bucky, you be the distraction,"

"Yes, Cap." Bucky said with a half-hearted salute.

"I want to know why you only called me Hawkeye and called everyone else by their real names," Clint said over the comms, having already found himself a perch.

"Because he don't like you," Bucky told him, Brooklyn drawl more prominent, as he raised his gun and shot the cat alien thing in its eye; which just seemed to piss it off. It let out an almighty roar and charged towards Bucky, who ducked and rolled away, out of the path of its strange paw and lifted his gun again to shoot upwards, "Motherfucker," Bucky cursed and ducked again.

"What's up, Terminator?" Tony asked, voice slightly tinny.

"The fuckin' fur. It's like armour." Bucky informed Tony and the others. "Just shot at it and there's no impact. It absorbs the bullets?"

"Well that is not good," Pietro muttered over the comms. There was a sudden flurry of motion and then Bucky was behind the alien, feeling mildly dizzy. "Sorry. You were about to be crushed,"

"Thanks, kid," Bucky said.

"How will we stop it?" Wanda asked, sounding strained.

"Thor, hit it with lightning, light the fucker up. Bucky, you keep distracting it - shoot it, kick it, do whatever to keep its attention on you; Hawkeye will keep you relatively safe,"

"Favouritism," Clint muttered before an arrow flew across Bucky and Pietro's heads, landing on the alien. Bucky frowned when he saw the arrow didn't fall.

"It is because you are an old man, Barton," Pietro was saying casually, despite Bucky having flung himself against Pietro, knocking them both down in order to avoid the spike covered tail that had swung their way. Bucky shifted off him and held up his gun, frowning as he heard a high pitched screech. He turned around in time to see a smaller version of the alien running at him.

"FUCK!" Bucky yelped, his back colliding with the floor as the smaller alien crouched over him, snapping at his neck. There was a flash of gleaming metal and then there was a knife in the alien's throat, greenish grey gloop plopping unevenly out of the wound and onto Bucky. It let out a pained wail, only heard by Pietro and Bucky; the roar of the larger one louder than the smaller one's. It shuddered before its multiple eyes rolled backwards and it collapsed on him. He groaned before pushing the corpse off him, shaking his face to try and get rid of some of the gloop.

"Sorry," Pietro said, though the glint in his eyes said otherwise. He held up a cloth and Bucky took it, wiping his face to get rid of the sticky substance.

"Well, we know how to kill it now," Bucky said with a shrug, spitting some saliva out, feeling hyper aware of his body. He hadn't accidentally swallowed any had he?

"Knife to the throat," Pietro nodded.

"What was that?" Steve yelled, an explosion sounding and a cry of 'fuck!' from Steve came about half a second later.

"Throat is a weak spot, stab it there!" Bucky shouted, touching his ear slightly, grimacing as some of the strange blood dripped out of his hair and into his hand. "I'm gonna have to shower for a week now,"

"It could be worse, you could be Clint," Pietro said and pointed to the archer, whose entire perch had been splattered in the blood gloop and something else that Bucky didn't want to know about. Poor Clint.

"Good point,"

There was a crash of thunder and then there was lightning hitting the alien which let out a horrifying screech. Bucky clamped his hands down on his ears, Pietro doing the exact same. There was a weird high pitched noise and before he knew it, Bucky was throwing out his comms device. He heard Clint scream and Bucky looked over at him, feeling terror in his gut. Bucky ran over to his friend and saw Pietro already there. Clint was clutching at his ears, sobs trying to make their way through him as he shook. Bucky knelt beside the two and waved his hand in Clint's face. Clint grimaced but nodded and tilted his head to the left. Bucky shifted forwards and pulled Clint's hand away from his ear, trying to ignore the pained noises he was making before he slipped off Clint's hearing aid. He tilted Clint's head and removed the other hearing aid and let Clint slump forward against him, his entire body shaking.

"Clint's aids were hurting him. The alien fucked with them when it screamed," Pietro said and Bucky looked over at him to see him wincing as he touched the comms device in his ear,

"Take it out," Bucky advised him as he rubbed Clint's back. "It's hurting you so take it out,"

"Then none of us have a way to communicate to the others? No," Pietro said and Bucky sighed.

"And have another person have damaged hearing? Take the thing out. I'm gonna go and kill it,"

"You do not have a knife - what am I talking about, you always have a knife on you," Pietro muttered and Bucky smiled slightly.

"Just hold this human catastrophe, I'll go and kill the stupid thing," Bucky told the other man who nodded.

"Bucky is going to kill it," Pietro said into his comms before he took it out, looking relieved. He shuffled over and slipped his arms around Clint and held him close. Clint looked over at Bucky.

"I'm going to kill it," Bucky said, signing along to his words. Clint nodded before he shut his eyes and slumped further against Pietro. Bucky slid away and felt himself go into stealth mode as he snuck up behind the alien. Bucky could feel his heart hammering as he watched the alien move. Then he saw his chance and he took it. He ran up the back of the alien, the fur sticking to his shoes uncomfortably, like it was trying to stick him in place. He jumped and caught its ear and pulled out his knife as he swung around and lodged it into its throat. The sound that came from the alien was deafening as he dragged the knife across its throat. The blood gloop stuff spurted out as the alien flailed, twisting and writhing in pain. Bucky fell down, his knees buckling and then the alien was falling down.

"Shit!" Bucky yelped and ducked, his metal arm coming up to protect himself. Then he felt the wind whipping past him and when he looked around, Pietro was standing beside him, panting and looking terrified, eyes bright and swimming with emotions that made Bucky's heart leap.

"Are you OK?" Pietro asked, eyes flickering over Bucky's body, checking for injuries, his hands on Bucky's biceps as he checked him over.

"Pietro, I'm good. You got me in time," Bucky reassured him. To his surprise, Pietro wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. Bucky couldn't help but smile and return the hug, despite being covered in gross blood gloop, pressing the mush against Pietro's front as they hugged.

"I'm jealous,"

The two of them pulled away to look at Clint who was looking in a whole lot of pain, but was grinning at them regardless. Bucky flipped him off as he pulled away from Pietro completely.

And then something lodged itself on Bucky's arm as it knocked him to the floor.

He let out a scream of surprise, which had probably sounded undignified.

"Bucky!" Pietro yelled. Bucky groaned and looked over at his left arm, where the smallest version of the alien had lodged its oddly shaped teeth into his arm.

"Don't worry," Bucky said as he slipped out a knife and flipped it before jamming it into the throat of the alien. It cried out weakly before it went limp and he pulled out the knife and wiped it on his pant leg and slipped it back in its holster and pried the teeth out of his arm.

"Bucky, oh, my god, your arm!" Steve yelled as he approached. Bucky accepted Pietro's hand and got lifted into a standing position.

"Ow," Bucky said, voice monotone. Steve gave him a Look and Bucky rolled his eyes as the others approached them.

"Damn, Barnes, you fucked that arm up," Tony said as he peered at the damage. "I mean it's actually been dented by the teeth! Your arm is made of what? Vibranium? Adamantium? The hardest metals on Earth and the teeth damaged the metal. Steve, go and rip out those teeth, we can use them as potential weapons," Tony rambled and Bucky sighed and pulled his arm away from Tony and held it to his chest.

"I just need it to be fixed," Bucky said. "Just pop the metal back in place and fix up the wiring and I'm good," Bucky shrugged.

"You alright with me doing that?" Tony asked as the others began to help get rid of the corpses of the aliens whilst Wanda made sure that none of the civilians came near it.

"No. But I got no other choice," Bucky answered and noticed how Tony winced.

"Well, you could always do that yourself, if you know how,"

"I don't. So I'll have to let you fuck around with it." Bucky said and felt someone put a small pressure on his back. He turned around and saw Pietro standing there, his hand on his back reassuringly.

"It will be OK. Stark will not touch it unless you want him to. He will not get any blue prints of it either," Pietro said sternly. Tony nodded and Bucky felt himself smile, so lowered his head slightly so the others wouldn't see it. Tony said something about needing to help Steve get rid of the weird bodies of the aliens and flew off in his Iron Man suit.

"Thanks," Bucky murmured.

"Was not a problem. You looked uncomfortable so I came in to save the day,"

"Smug prick,"

"Maybe so, but I am an amazing one at that." Pietro said before he shifted slightly. "Also," he began and punched Bucky's shoulder. "do not fucking scare me like that ever again! I thought it had ripped you apart!" Pietro said loudly. He continued to rant at Bucky about scaring him before he cut him off by hugging him. He felt Pietro's weight slump against him and he only held onto Pietro tighter.

 

* * *

 

 

They ended up staying in one of the hotels, having been gifted with things from the locals. They had appreciated the Avengers coming and saving their small country and had given them something to repay them. They had decided to take them up on the week of free stay in the hotel and were currently all half naked and very warm,

"Stark has been in the shower for a while," Pietro said as he laid on the sofa, sunlight gleaming off his sweaty torso. Bucky was decidedly not looking at him.

Natasha, Wanda, Clint and Thor had their own hotel room whilst Tony, Steve, Bucky and Pietro had another. The rooms they had been given were large and fitted their needs (even if Tony said they lacked certain technology) and they were all taking turns showering.

"Steve probably joined," Bucky replied as he held a cool glass against his forehead.

It was shockingly warm in Lanzarote.

"Too hot?" Pietro said, looking over at Bucky as he ran a hand through his hair. Bucky hummed his answer. "Does your arm hurt?"

"What?"

"Your arm. The metal that connects to it; it must hurt especially since metal conducts heat," Pietro said as he sat back up and looked over at Bucky.

"Yeah, it hurts, but it's bearable," Bucky said as he felt at the metal merging with his flesh. Pietro got up and walked over to him and looked at the bent metal. "I need to pop it back to how it should be,"

"Would you like me to help with that?" Pietro asked, Bucky shrugged as an answer.

"I'd get Steve to hold my hand so it doesn't spasm when I pull the metal back, but I'm sure the wires inside have caught around it," he said as he gazed down at the shiny metal. Pietro sighed a little and took a hold of Bucky's hand.

"If your hand spasms, I can keep a hold of it because of my speed. I will not get hurt,"

"On your head so be it," Bucky muttered as he reached over for the nearest dint. Pietro watched as Bucky grimaced as he steadily pulled the metal out, swearing to himself as it popped back into place. They quickly finished it off and Bucky was left grimacing.

"I'd ask if that hurt but ..." Pietro trailed off as he looked up at Bucky, a minute smile on his face. Bucky gave him a look, a small sheen of sweat on his face.

"Jerk," he muttered.

"Well, it could be worse. Your face could do with an improvement though,"

"I hate you, Maximoff,"

"I love you too, Barnes,"

"What?"

Pietro and Bucky turned around to see Steve with a towel wrapped around his waist, water glistening off his chest.

"Yeah, we're totally together," Bucky said in a monotone. Steve sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Context?" he asked, gesturing to the scene of Pietro holding onto Bucky's hand as Bucky was holding the scarred flesh around the metal.

"Fixing the arm,"

"Stopping it spasm,"

"Ah. Well, the shower is free now, so you two can fight for it," Steve said then smirked. "Unless you're going to share,"

"What do you think we are? You and Stark?" Bucky asked and Pietro snorted. Steve flipped him off and walked to the bedroom.

"They will go fuck around now," Pietro muttered.

"Probably. I'm gonna go shower now," Bucky said and got up, slipping his hand out of Pietro's.

"Have fun,"

"Sure,"

Bucky wandered off to the bathroom, grabbing a few towels as he went.

The shower was cool, easing the heat of his body. His arm still hurt, but he was glad it wasn't spasming. He washed away everything on his body; every single piece of dirt and blood gloop from earlier that day. His hair was too long and he wanted to get it cut soon. Bucky wasn't too sure about how long he had stayed in the shower, getting clean, but soon enough, Pietro was calling, asking when he could have his shower.

"Hold on!" Bucky called before turning off the showerhead. He got the towels and wrapped one around his waist tightly, using the other to dry his hair. He sighed a little before he went and unlocked the door, steam billowing out over his head. Pietro's eyes widened marginally and Bucky moved past him to his bedroom, where he found some clothes for him to wear.

The clothes had short sleeves, which had him slightly on edge, but everyone knew he had a metal arm. They just had to make sure the light shining off it wouldn't blind them. Once he was dressed, he walked out and saw Tony on top of Steve, kissing him roughly. Bucky promptly walked back out. And into Pietro Maximoff.

"Don't go in the living room area thing. They're basically fucking," Bucky warned him, trying to keep his face from burning as he side stepped Pietro and walked the fuck out of their hotel room.

"You OK there Buckaroo?" Bucky turned to see Clint there, twiddling with his arrows.

"Aids?" Bucky asked, signing the question.

"Tony is supposed to be fixing them,"

"He's got his tongue down Steve's throat," Bucky told him, his hands moving slowly so that he could get the right signs.

"Fuck. I'd like to be able to hear,"

"Yeah. What are we doing now?"

"Going and seeing the sights. That's mainly the volcanoes that are around here,"

"I don't think I should go. My arm is acting up and I don't think they're going to like seeing a metal arm, besides, the heat is already hurting where it connects," Bucky told him.

"It's fine if you won't go. I probably won't unless Natasha is going." Clint said with a shrug.

"Natasha will probably want to go,"

"Yeah,"

"You two heading out with us?" Steve's voice said from behind Bucky, who tensed up and looked over at the bulky blond.

"Yeah. Bucky isn't though. Too hot," Clint said. Steve nodded, his face softening as he looked at Bucky.

"Don't give me that look, punk," he grumbled, shoving Steve's shoulder. Steve gave him a sort of smile and ruffled Bucky's hair before he lugged Clint along, who was looking like he was regretting saying he was going with Steve and the others. Tony followed the two blonds, smacking both of them on the ass, earning a yelp from Clint and a laugh from Steve. Shaking his head, Bucky went back inside.

He ended up laid on the sofa, metal hand on his chest, tapping away at some tune in his head. The TV was on, the people on screen blathering away in their native tongue.

"You didn't bother going either?"

Bucky looked over and saw Pietro leaning against the wall, looking tired but clean.

"Nah. Too warm outside," Bucky answered before turning his attention to the TV.

"What are they saying? I take it you know the language?"

"Yeah, I do. They're just talking about how the latest model of some stupid hair product that gives bald people hair and is apparently the best thing to ever exist."

"How many languages do you actually know?" Pietro questioned as he made his way further into the room.

"Too many. I get them mixed up a lot, especially when I'm tired." Bucky said with a shrug, then shifted his feet so Pietro could sit down.

"Languages are difficult anyway," Pietro said, slouching down in his seat. "Open the door, I'm too warm,"

"Isn't the air con on?"

"Stark touched it," Pietro said, which was enough for Bucky to lean over and flip the door handle and push it open. The air that entered wasn't too warm, but was somehow cool enough for the pair of them. "Is your arm OK as well?"

"It's a bit warm, but it should be fine for a while," Bucky said, moving his metallic fingers over his chest again. Pietro vanished for barely a second before returning, holding some packs of ice. Bucky sat up, his metal shoulder bumping against Pietro's flesh one momentarily.

"These should help, no?" Pietro said and held them out for Bucky to get. He did and sighed contently when the coldness touched the marred flesh around the metal. Pietro sat down beside him and put his hand on one of the packs. Bucky tilted his head back, eyes closed. "I take it is good?"

"You're the best," Bucky told him.

"I'm good for something,"

"You're good for a lot of things. You can tolerate me,"

"Because I like you," Pietro admitted, deciding to ignore how Bucky's face heated up.

"You're pretty tolerable too. I guess that means I like you too? It could be worse. You could be Thor,"

"Thor's alright. A bit weird and loud, but alright," Pietro murmured, readjusting the ice pack, pointedly trying to ignore the sound that elicited from Bucky, which he failed at doing.

"You might be the best person I've ever come across," Bucky said.

"Thanks,"

They sat like that for a while, Bucky leaning close to Pietro, his warm skin cooling underneath the icepacks. It was only after Bucky had relaxed completely against Pietro did Pietro slip the packs away.

"Tired, no?"

"'M comfy," Bucky mumbled, eyes shut as he leant against Pietro.

"So you are going to sleep, yes?"

"Yeah. There's no-one around. Area is secure and you can always speed us away if shit happens,"

"You trust me a lot,"

"Because you're a good guy, you're nice and trusting you is easy,"

"Thanks, Bucky," Pietro said quietly, then pressed a kiss to the top of Bucky's head.

They ended up asleep, limbs tangled together, Bucky's head resting softly on Pietro's bare chest, arms wrapped around Pietro securely, Pietro holding him in a loose, but similar fashion. When Steve and Tony returned, they giggled together quietly like schoolchildren before taking photos of the two together and sent the images to the others.

If Bucky had been awake then, neither Tony nor Steve would know; he would have been too comfy and relaxed with Pietro to complain. Besides, if he had been awake, he wouldn't have wanted to move in case he woke Pietro up. Pietro was a nice pillow, his warmth sending Bucky into a dreamless sleep that was possibly the best sleep he'd had in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd been thinking of ship names for them and all I can think of is Pucky, SilverWinter and WinterSilver.  
> I would also like to thank you for staying with this story so far and leaving kudos! It is really appreciated.


	10. Pietro isn't as cocky as you think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pietro fucked up.

With his arm actually fixed and probably with better wiring (thanks, Stark), he was now lazing around the communal area, throwing paper planes at Sam, who was in turn, throwing them at Clint, who threw them back at Bucky without looking up. It was a nice little routine and got Bucky using his metal arm for fun, which hardly ever happened.

Unlike Pietro, who was blathering away at Wanda at top speed.

Wanda simply stared at her brother as his words came out incoherent and kind of jagged; the words piling on top of each other in the seconds that they came out of. Pietro spoke for what was actually five minutes to Wanda, but she didn't know what that exactly was to Pietro. She knew, however, that it was a long ass time.

"Too fast," she told him when he finally stopped talking.

"I know. I needed to get it out first," he said. She sighed before nodding and gave him a once over.

"It was about Barnes, yes?"

"Yes,"

"Tell me - slowly this time,"

"He is struggling," Pietro began, his heart aching as he thought about it all. "With his mind, with being around the others. When I see him and he is with us - with the rest of us all - he looks pained and as if he was slow, behind everyone else. How come I can see he is being left behind, everyone is moving forward without him?"

"No-one is doing that -"

"Yes, they are! Steve tries to help, but he is too far in the future now. He does not understand exactly what Bucky is going through, no-one will, but no-one else is offering to help him be brought back up to speed,"

"Urgh, you are so sappy and in love," Wanda muttered as she stood up and paced for a few moments. "So, what do you propose? He has to do things for himself, ask people; his psychiatrist is helping him, Clint is helping him,"

"It is not enough. We have to help him, each of us give our own support to him, because even though he is the Winter Soldier, he is still human and he makes mistakes, has emotions and is broken,"

"Then what would you suggest?"

"I do not know; this is normally where you come in," Pietro admitted sheepishly. "He maybe should not be allowed alone. He has nightmares, needs someone to help him through those. It just ... it hurts, Wanda,"

"Hurts?" she asked sceptically.

"Seeing him like this. All alone and suffering. He might have a psychiatrist, therapist, whatever-ist, but they do not truly help him because he does not trust them,"

"So you become his personal whatever-ist?"

"It would possibly help him if he could trust someone he could talk to without being judged or pitied. He just needs someone to talk to, to get it out in the open. If he wanted me to, I could be that person. I just - I want him to be happy. He is not happy yet,"

"But you believe he could be happy?"

"Yes. Everyone can be happy if they try hard enough. We try and we can be happy sometimes, so we just need to help Bucky do the same,"

"You are very adamant on helping him. That makes you a good man, Pietro," Wanda told him quietly as she sat down beside him. "Maybe you should talk to Bucky about it? How his sessions are going with his ... psychiatrist? Make him feel more humanised, more like an actual person with faults. Have a talk between you two and Clint. It is nice to see the three of you get on so well."

Pietro sighed and laid down on his bed, groaning loudly as his thoughts ran faster than he could actually comprehend.

Wanda laid beside him and the two of them laid there in silence, each of them thinking. It hurt him to see people like that (or rather see Bucky like that) and he wanted him to get the help he needed from the people around him. He'd have to talk to Steve, tell him what he'd seen when he was around Bucky and hope that Steve didn't get angry at him. Steve might be America's Golden Boy, but boy could he be an absolute _asshole_.

"Want to try and expand our powers?" Wanda asked him, turning her head to look at her twin. He nodded, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

"Let's go," he said and Wanda felt the wind whipping past her and through her hair for barely a second before she found her feet planted on the floor of the gym. She ran her fingers through her hair as she watched the blur that was her brother speeding around the edges of the gym.

Pietro continued to run, everything around him so slow. He saw Wanda moving her hands, a heavy weight being lifted into the air -

And then he was on his ass on the floor, his nose stinging. Wanda's laugh echoed around the gym as he looked around, his head hurting. He looked over at Wanda, to see her curled up on the floor, tears on her face as she continued to laugh. He couldn't help the smile that made an appearance on his face as he watched Wanda being all happy. He didn't usually see her that happy,

"Pietro, you durak," she giggled out, smile wide, stretching over her face, like it was about to split her face in half. He shook his head as he got to his feet. He sped over to Wanda and lifted her to her feet as she continued laughing to herself, her giggles quietening down.

"I may be a durak, but do not forget you are also related to me. It runs in the family," he told her and she rolled her eyes.

"At least I do not run into walls," Wanda said, and then there was a laugh coming from the doors of the gym. They both turned around to see Bucky there, leaning against the doorframe, light chuckles emitting from him. Pietro felt the back of his neck heat up and he raised a hand to scratch the back of his head.

"How did you even do that?" Bucky asked him as he made his way further into the large room. He was wearing sweatpants and a tank, his long hair tired up into some hipster-looking style. Pietro found the look on Bucky extremely attractive.

"I saw Wanda lifting the weights and didn't see where I was going," Pietro admitted, his face beginning to redden when Bucky laughed yet again.

"Durak," Bucky said and Wanda let out a cackle, walking out of the gym, saying something incoherent in her native tongue. Pietro rolled his eyes at Wanda's retreating back. "Your sister is strange. But good strange," Bucky said and Pietro half-smiled, lowering his head momentarily.

"She's the best," Pietro said, voice soft and fond.

"Makes me kinda miss my sisters,"

"You had siblings?"

"Yeah. I can remember Rebecca the most. I'm sure I had more than just her. I'm sure of it. I don't usually talk to Steve about the past; he gets this sad puppy look on his face that just rips me in two - or a million," Bucky said then coughed a little to clear his throat. "'M pretty sure Rebecca's gone now. Probably had kids and grandkids, but I don't think I should go and find them, what with being The Winter Solider and I was supposedly dead for over seventy years,"

"At least you know you have family out there, right? You have people other than us," Pietro said as he sat on the floor, Bucky following his lead. "I mean, all I had for years was just Wanda, what with our parents dying when we were so young. And then we got these powers and then met the others and then you. You are all our family now; we do not have anyone else. You have actual blood-related family out there, who would probably want to see you, get to know you, listen to your stories about the forties, what their mother or grandmother was like when she was young, what your other sisters were like," Pietro murmured, his eyes on Bucky's as the super soldier listened to every word he said adamantly.

"You have a point. But it's the fact I have that horrible part of me,"

"If they are your family, they will accept you for every part of you, good and bad," Pietro said. Bucky sighed a little, mulling over Pietro's words.

"I don't think I'll go see them. Not yet anyway. I'm still a wreck, still have my moments where I can't tell what's real and what's fake. Moments where I don't know if I'll slip into the Soldier or if I'll stay me ... or if I'll forget everything all over again," Bucky admitted, voice quiet and scared.

"That happens?"

"Da. Sometimes - when I was first trying to stop being the Soldier- I wouldn't know who or what I was. I wouldn't be able to remember anything except how to be a basic human; eat, drink, bathroom shit and sleep. It was hard. I could hardly remember anything like that. Sometimes I'd slip into what I am now - able to differentiate most things between these different lifestyles - but sometimes I wouldn't be able to. Sometimes I'd actually be Bucky from the past, hallucinating skinny Steve and how things were before the war. I think those times were the most scariest. I could handle being the Solider, being some confused mindless human, being this, but I couldn't cope with what I really used to be. The fact that I couldn't get to have that back again. I can't look after Steve like I used to; he's not got the crummy ticker, hardass asthma, getting sick every weekend or so. He's better and for the most part of my life - the important part - I spent it looking after that punk, making sure he didn't forget that crappy asthma pump, made sure he had the right medicine and was warm and would live through the worst winter nights. Finishing his fights for him because he was too weak and too small to actually finish them. And now he can look after himself, he's not sick -"

"But he still needs help finishing his fights," Pietro told him, cutting Bucky off.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I heard the stories, read up on what Captain America was like when he first became a hero. You 'dying' helped to make him dive into that ice. You had most likely prepared for a life without him because like you said; he was skinny, was weak and got sick almost every weekend, it would have been inevitable and you would have had to learn to know that one day he would get sick and he would not recover and you would be left to look after only yourself. You knew with that body, and all those illnesses that he would not live very long, especially not in that era. But then you died and he was left without you because he always thought you would be there in his life, until his dying day and knew you would live past him. But he got that super solider body and was suddenly in better health than you and then you are gone. And the only thing he had known throughout his life had been you. You both said that you would be there until the end of the line. You had already met yours - or rather _that_ Bucky Barnes had already met the end of his line - and Steve Rogers had missed his stop, so why would he keep you waiting? Besides, he had you all his life and then you are not there and he is faced with this idea of being without you when for as long as he knew, you would always be there, even after he had died, so why not join you? It would end the pain and then he would get to be with you again,"

Bucky was silent for a long while, his eyes hard and too bright. Pietro hesitated for a moment before taking a hold of Bucky's hand. Bucky didn't argue, just slipped his fingers through Pietro's and held onto his hand tightly as he leant against the wall, staring up at the ceiling, eyes shining in a way that made Pietro's heart ache. The time it took Bucky to try and compose himself, _will_ himself to talk, felt like decades to Pietro. He didn't say anything about that, how long the seconds, the minutes, felt for him. He was willing to slow down for Bucky.

And besides, Bucky was an old man. Old men were slow.

"I ... I never thought of it like that," Bucky admitted, voice shaky as the words came from him.

"Not many people would. They would rather criticise Steve for diving in when he could have told them his coordinates. But he would have rather not lived at all than live without you." Pietro said with a light shrug of his shoulders.

"He could have had a life with Carter, he was always gone for her and she was for him. They were right for each other,"

"But now he has Stark. I may not like Stark, but I can tolerate him and he's actually a good guy. A bit of a cocky asshole, but still nice,"

"So kinda like you, huh?" Bucky asked and turned his head to look at Pietro. Pietro snorted a little but smiled nonetheless.

"Yes, sure," Pietro said, smile still firmly placed on his face.

"I just ... it's hard. Steve knows I won't be the same person I was before. I can't be. Not after what happened when I was first kidnapped with the one-o-seventh, not after I fell from that stupid fucking train. Not after The Winter Solider. I have the memories - I'm thankful for that - the memories are what helps me get through this shit sometimes, but at the same time they aren't. I remember a lot, if not all, of my time as Bucky Barnes, as The Winter Soldier and everything else that I was. Yasha or whatever else I've been. I don't know. I've had so many aliases I don't know how many lives I've lead. But Steve, the fucking punk, he's still hopeful that I'll be the Bucky he used to know and I can't -" he cut himself off as he turned away, metal hand pressed against his mouth as he tried to deal with the emotions that were forcing their way up. "I can't be what he wants me to be. I did everything for that punk, was everything. And now I'm not,"

"Change sucks," Pietro supplied helplessly, squeezing Bucky's hand momentarily. "He should know you cannot be who you used to be and you cannot help that. But you are here now so he should be thankful for that. You could have truly died if you didn't have the right serum put in you before you fell. If he cannot understand, I could help make him understand," Pietro said and Bucky let out a noise that was half a laugh and half a cry.

"Thanks, Pietro. I'll probably go talk to the idiot later, when he's not got Stark's tongue down his throat,"

"Steve is always with Stark?"

"Yeah. I mean, I don't blame him. He's got a somewhat stable relationship with Stark when he's not in the workshop, has enough sleep and Steve is actually calm and kinda happy. But he does spend a lot of time with Stark and the only times I do see Steve is in the morning or when we go to bed. And that's not happening as much now since he's spending a lot of time up in Stark's penthouse. I don't mind as much, I've got my own space and bed, but it's surrounded by Steve's stuff and just makes me feel pretty lonely. We used to talk a lot, into the night when we were younger and stuff, fall asleep talking to each other. He doesn't do it now. Everything's so different and I always knew it would be; it just feels like even though Steve's trying and has a lot of stuff going on it ..." Bucky sighed as he trailed off, unable to find the right words.

"It does not feel enough? Like even though he is trying, it still feels like he is not understanding you properly and since he is spending the rest of his time around Stark and Sam, it is like he is not listening to you properly?"

"Yeah, hit it on the nail,"

"Does your psychiatrist help? Or whatever else professional they have you talking to help?"

"I dunno. I mean, yeah, I could talk to them and sometimes I do. Even about personal shit. But I don't fully trust them all,"

"So you have more than one?"

"Da. They've lessened the amount of psychiatrist sessions, and more of the other professional quacks,"

"At least the support is there for when you finally trust them, no?"

"I guess. Sorry, I'm crushing your hand," Bucky said and released his tense grip on Pietro's hand.

"It is OK. It does not hurt,"

"You sure?"

"Da,"

Bucky went to say something, but was suddenly pulling away from Pietro, shuffling away from him as the gym doors opened again and in came the Star Spangled Man himself. He glanced around the room and saw Bucky and Pietro sitting against the wall, a few weights discarded on their right.

"Hey, Buck, Maximoff," Steve said and Pietro gave him a two finger salute. Pietro glanced over at Bucky and saw him give him the quickest of looks and Pietro nodded.

"Hey, Cap, is it OK if I talk to you - privately," he added. Steve's eyebrows raised but he nodded and they watched as Bucky quickly left the gym in a not-quite-run.

"What's up, kid?"

"Bucky," Pietro answered, seeing Steve give him a disbelieving look. "You are not helping him properly. You do not talk to him right and he is always thinking you are wanting the old Bucky back when he cannot give you that - not after everything he has been through,"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because he does not want to disappoint you! You have eyes, yes? Take a look at him. He will not be the Bucky you want him to be but he is Bucky. You have him back so you should be thankful for that. He is broken and hurt and he is fucking terrified and feel so alone because you do not talk to him like you should," Pietro informed him, trying to keep his voice level as Steve walked over to him, looming dangerously over him.

"I try, kid. Really I do. I'm doing all I can to make sure he's safe here, that the government won't take him away and Tony's helping too! After everything that's happened between them, he's helping."

"Then tell Bucky that! From his eyes you have left him and he has not got his best friend back. Until the end of the line, yes? Well, to Bucky it feels like that line has fucking ended,"

"You better leave now, Maximoff,"

"With fucking pleasure Captain  _Assmerica_ ," he said and the next thing Steve knew, there was a few trails of silver and blue and Pietro was nowhere in sight.

Fuck.

 

* * *

 

 

Pietro was up late that night, back in the gym, hitting the punching bag with speed and force, his hands hurting at the constant hits. He'd broken five punchbags already, but he had so much pent up energy that even running hadn't helped. He had to get rid of it alternatively. He had gone down to the gym when everyone had gone to bed - or had gone somewhere other than the gym or the communal area. He knew Wanda was asleep and Clint was up in the vents, venturing to his nest at the top of the Tower. He wasn't too sure about everyone else, but he knew they would either be in bed, or on their respective floors for the rest of the night.

He hit the bag almost rhythmically, it eased him and helped him to get the energy out of him. He would hit the bag for ten solid minutes in real time, his movements a blur and then he would take to running around the gym or on the treadmill for ten. But each act took longer for him - as if they were months or years. He didn't mind much; he'd gotten used to it a long time ago.

There was music pounding in his ears, courtesy of the earphones and StarkPod Tony Stark had given him. The music was sped up to a speed that only Pietro could hear. It was nice and made him feel more human, even if he went through about ten songs in less than a second. He wasn't too sure how many songs there were exactly and how many songs he went through within an actual second, but when he used his speed and everything was slow, the songs had a relatively normal pace, all things considered.

He was like that for about five hours.

After his fifteenth go running around the gym, he stumbled to a stop, chest raising and falling irregularly, his heart hurting as he tried to get oxygen into his body. He could feel the sweat dripping down his back, chest and face. He felt like he couldn't get enough oxygen into his body, like he was going to pass out -

"Hey, Pietro, it's OK," he looked up and saw Bucky there, knelt down in front of him. "Just breathe slowly, in and out deeply," he said and lifted Pietro into a sitting position, pressing the small of his back so he would be sat up straight. "Come on, with me now,"

Pietro followed Bucky's breathing, concentrating on Bucky and only Bucky; ignoring the pains in his legs and chest, the stitch - as Clint put it - that was tearing at Pietro's side and neck. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, trying to be as slow as Bucky was. He hated being slow, absolutely loathed it. He was the only one with speed like his, the only one who felt out of time when everything around them slowed to almost a complete stop. He knew his powers were mutating; he was getting faster. He had to train, to control it, make sure he could still function when around the others and make sure they didn't evolve into something that could be dangerous.

"Easy now," Bucky murmured and Pietro sighed, resting his head forehead against Bucky's. "What are you doing up so late running around like a madman?"

"Need to get better control," Pietro explained, voice heavy. "Need to expand it,"

"Not like this," Bucky said. "You're hurting yourself, pushing yourself too far too quickly. And no, that was not a pun," he said and Pietro laughed quietly, "Take it slow. Build it up; do laps for a certain amount of time - I could time you if you wanted," Pietro bit his lip slightly, humming his agreements. "I can help you, if you want. I mean you help me a lot of the time, so why not return the favour?"

"Thanks, Bucky," he said and then did something very, very stupid.

He kissed him.

Bucky's mouth was warm, soft and his lips were chapped and felt right being pressed against his. He could feel the heat coming from Bucky's body and felt his heart leaping whildly. For a moment, he was in bliss. He was happy and he was with Bucky.

And then he realised what he did.

It must have been a few seconds - in usual time - but had felt like several hours to Pietro. He pulled away from the older man, his heart hammering faster than he ever thought possible. Bucky lowered his head slightly, but Pietro had seen the shocked look on his face. He felt his stomach turning; he'd fucked up, he'd screwed everything up between him and Bucky. Oh, god, what did he do?

"I-I'm sorry," Pietro whispered before he sped away, leaving Bucky alone in the gym.

He sped off to his floor that he shared with Wanda. Once he was in, he paced around the small living room they had, feeling the blood rushing through his veins.

"Pietro?" Wanda asked tiredly, emerging from her bedroom, a large woolly jumper covering her frame as she rubbed at her eyes. It had a large purple H on it and he suspected it actually belonged to Clint.

"I fucked up," he whispered and she raised an eyebrow and walked over and encased him in a hug, stopping his body shaking. He let out a shaky breath as he very faintly felt her presence in his mind.

"Mm, I do not think you truly fucked up, as you say, you simply shocked him. After all, he has not been shown this, aside from Tony and Steve. He is currently going through different emotions he has not yet experienced. He had his life in the forties where homophobia was at its highest, was The Winter Soldier and whatever else he was and now he is here and has to come to terms with the differences with the society differences he is now faced with,"

"Why are you so wise, Wanda?" Pietro mumbled as he hid his face in her hair.

"I have to be; you are a fucking idiot," she told him seriously. "Come on now. Go to bed. You need it,"

"Thanks, Wanda," he said and kissed the top of her head.

Once she was in bed, he went to his own room, wishing his mind would slow down for once. He couldn't believe he had done that. Why had he done it? Was it because he could feel Bucky's breath on his face, smelling of mint. Or because they had been so close? He had almost been sat in Bucky's lap, they had been so close. Something in his stomach churned and he twisted in his bed, unable to calm himself down. Why had he done that? He swore to himself as thoughts of what he had done, how he had fucked up. He probably scared Bucky, made him worried about what has come between them.

"Fuck." Pietro sighed and pulled his pillow over his head, letting out a groan as he thought about what would happen the next day.


	11. Steve is bad at relationship advice

Bucky was shocked - more than shocked. He couldn't believe Pietro had done that. What the fuck?

Bucky swore to himself as he got up off the gym floor, wiping his hand down his face, his fingers trailing his lips that had Pietro's on only moments ago. Bucky had to admit that in the short time that they had been on his, he had liked it. He felt his heart doing weird leaps between beats as his stomach did flips and he felt like he was having a heart attack. He lifted his metal hand and pressed it over where his heart lay and massaged the flesh, the metal cold and somewhat solid for him to concentrate on so that he could try and calm himself down from that kick ass adrenaline rush that Pietro had given him. Bucky wanted to know what brought that on. Well, he had a good idea as to what did; the proxemics of them and how he had held Pietro, trying to be gentle as he helped him get his breathing back to normal. How they'd rested their heads together, breaths mingling together as they practically clung to each other.

_Fuck._

He sighed to himself before he turned on his heel and made his way out of the large gym, trying to keep his too warm eyes from doing something stupid. He was so screwed. Bucky made his way to his and Steve's once shared floor that was steadily becoming his. Steve had been staying in Stark's penthouse more often than not - and had taken to taking some of his stuff with him too. This only made Bucky feel all the more lonely. Not that he'd tell Steve, of course. He'd just have to get someone (preferably Clint now that he suspected he no longer had Pietro to talk to) to go and get him accessories like posters or just aesthetic stuff that would make it look like the floor was Bucky's. He would fully expect the aesthetic to be only purple with a few arrows or some form of Sniper Bro thing that Clint would find. He and Clint had donned themselves the Sniper Bros, courtesy of how Clint had awed over Bucky's finesse as a sniper (he totally didn't then braid Bucky's hair for half an hour after. Not at all).

He wasn't sure how he felt about Pietro. Sure, he had those weird feelings - which had exploded into a million more when he kissed him - and the maybe not so subtle weird daydreams he had started to have about him and Pietro. But no-one new about those. Except maybe Wanda. She knew everything.

Fuck, if Wanda knew what he had thought of her brother, then had she told him and he acted on that? Or did the action stem from his own feelings for Bucky? The idea of Pietro being dumb enough to like Bucky in any kind of way like that almost brought a laugh out of him. Pietro couldn't do something like that; he wasn't dumb, he could see that Bucky was a fucking wreck and panicked whenever it got too cold or someone mentioned something to do with assassinations. He'd killed so many people; was a monster, so why would Pietro fall for someone like him?

He shook his head physically; Pietro couldn't have fallen fro him. That was stupid. If Pietro did like him, it was probably a passing fancy or something like that, unlike what Bucky was beginning to realise he was feeling for the younger man. He was so screwed. Completely and utterly _fucked_.

Bucky came to a stop, half way up the stairs, his train of thought physically stopping him.

Maybe he didn't lose Pietro?

Pietro had been the one to initiate the kiss in the first place. He'd panicked when Bucky was shocked, unable to believe what had happened had actually happened. Maybe Pietro did return those feelings? Bucky felt the guilt roll in his stomach as he realised he must have scared Pietro off; how he hadn't reacted, had just let him think the worst. He stressed his lower lip between his teeth, heart doing a strange jolt as the memory of Pietro's lips being on his being able to actually taste him - Bucky felt himself cringe, the thought making him sound a tad bit cannibalistic. But it was weird; he'd been able to taste the sweat that had been on Pietro's mouth and he hadn't really been bothered by it. Why was his mind a mess? Oh, yeah, fucking H.Y.D.R.A.

God he needed someone to give him advice.

He had a terrible idea.

Well, it couldn't be _that_ bad. Steve did have a partner after all (even if it was Asshole Stark). Maybe Steve could give him some advice.

So Bucky sighed and decided to go with that plan. Steve had his usefulness at times - aside from kicking Nazi-Hydra ass. Maybe he could help Bucky with this situation?

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bucky was wrong.

He was so wrong; why did he expect anything good to come from going to Steve for relationship advice.

In Pietro's words he didn't see it coming.

Steve was grinning like a Cheshire cat and Bucky really wanted nothing more than to punch it off his face. Stupid American Golden Boy. Why did he decide to go to Steve for advice? Steve was either bad at it, or just looked like a smug prick. Punk.

"So," Steve began and his grin widened and Bucky hoped that it would split his head in half and he could just sit there and laugh.

"Shut up,"

"Pietro kissed you?" Steve asked and Bucky groaned as he nodded, Steve's laugh easily silencing the noise Bucky made. Bucky did a lot of dumb mistakes in his life. This was one of them. Maybe he should've gone to Clint instead. The thought of seeing Clint all smug and amused killed that idea instantly.

What made it worse?

Stark was also there, grinning like the rich, fancy fucking twat he was.

"And you didn't see that coming?" Steve said, putting on a poor imitation of Pietro's accent that made Bucky physically cringe. Why was he best friends with this guy again? Oh yeah, because Steve needed someone to help him finish his fights and put him on the right track. "Tony, you owe me," Steve stated and Bucky felt his jaw drop.

Fucking assholes.

"You bet on - on me and - and -"

"Yeah, Buckaroo, we bet on who would make the first move. I was the nice person and bet that you would because from what I had heard was that you always made the first move on those kinds of things," Tony said with a shrug of his shoulders. Bucky couldn't believe what he was hearing. They actually placed bets? And Tony betted on him? Well, Steve did know him from way back when, so obviously he knew how much of a shy motherfucker Bucky was when it came to romantic stuff. Jerks.

"Wait, so this punk over here didn't even think his best pal would -?" Bucky began, momentarily distracted as he looked at Steve who was looking far too smug for the situation at hand.

"You're useless at talking to the guys, Buck," Steve admitted and Bucky officially gave up. He even threw his hands up in the air as he sighed, tilting his head back slightly.

"Fuck you, thought you'd be useful and help," Bucky grumbled as he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. Steve was left cackling behind him as he held onto Tony for support. Tony, for once, was keep a straight face as he looked at Bucky.

"If it helps some, Steve didn't think he'd make a move until you were half dead on a mission,"

Bucky flipped them off and didn't bother to look back.

What the fuck was he going to do?

Of course, he ended up in his bedroom, tangled up in his sheets as he tossed and turned, unable to not think about Pietro and how soft -

Bucky let out a groan, screwing up his eyes as he planted his fists over them.

"Fuck," he muttered as he twisted and buried his face in his pillow, feeling strangely alone and cold.

Whatever he dreamt about; whether it were a faux life with Pietro or memories of his time with H.Y.D.R.A, he'd keep it to himself.

He'd keep these little faux lives to himself, the little dreams of what-could-be if he wasn't a mess, if he was relatively normal, if he hadn't been turned into an Asset, if he had stayed with Steve, gone into the ice with him.

All these 'what if's all because he fell off a train.

Bucky had wished many a night that he hadn't fallen from that train, that he could be different; maybe then all those people he had killed would still be alive, would have had children, futures, lives. But no, life was cruel and H.Y.D.R.A even more so.

"Fuck." he repeated, voice muffled in the pillow as he wished things could be different.

 

* * *

 

 

When Bucky woke up, Clint was perched on the foot of his bed, looking like a gargoyle. Bucky would have flinched, but he had grown used to seeing Clint perched like that. Bucky had tried to make him fall over once; it ended with Bucky on the floor and Clint giggling manically before he jumped into the nearest vent and out of sight, the only evidence of him being there had been the 'H' Clint had carved into the bedpost. When Steve saw, Bucky wasn't sure if he had been livid or laughing. Maybe both. Probably both.

"Morning, sweetheart," Clint said brightly. He looked at the watch on his wrist. "Eleven in the morning. Aren't you such an early riser?" Clint asked, all cheek and bright smiles. Bucky flipped him off. Clint's smile got bigger. "So, WinterSilver,"

"Oh, my god, shut the fuck up," Bucky groaned before he turned his face back into his pillow. Clint laughed again, sounding more manic than before.

"I think that works. Better than Silver Soldier ... would Silver Soldier have a space or not? I think it might. WinterSilver wouldn't. Opinions?" Clint said and Bucky screamed into his pillow. He heard Clint laughing yet again and then a dull thud on his floor half a second later. Bucky snorted and almost choked on his pillow.

"Come on, Buckaroo, let's get some caffeine in you," Clint said and Bucky mumbled something incoherent to him. Clint sighed before he left the room and Bucky sat up.

"That motherfucker," Bucky cursed as he stared at his metal arm.

' _CUNT_ ' was written in magnets on his fucking arm. He was going to kill Clint.

When he got out of his room, Clint was off like a shot and Bucky was hot on his heels.

Of course, Bucky wasn't actually going to kill him; he secretly liked it when Clint did shit like that; showed that he wasn't scared of Bucky or his stupid cyborg arm. But sometimes, the magnets did fuck with it, but only if they were particularly strong. He skidded on his socked heels when he got into the communal area and saw Clint's feet vanishing into the vent up high that Bucky definitely couldn't fit in.

"Dick," Bucky muttered under his breath, before he turned on his heel and walked towards the kitchen area and found the caffeine. He had pointedly ignored the others who had gathered there, also taking note how Pietro hadn't been there and was pointedly ignoring the weird pains coursing in his chest.

He made himself a cup of coffee before he realised he was only in his sweatpants and socks and didn't have a sweatshirt or anything on and suddenly felt far too exposed. Whatever, he could always say this shit to his psychiatrist or whoever he was seeing that day. The cup in his hand cracked ominously at the thought.

As if his day couldn't get any worse.

Of course he had to see his psychiatrist today, of all days.

"Mornin', loverboy," Tony greeted when he entered and Bucky decided he officially hated Tony Stark. And Clint Barton too.

(He should've added Steve Rogers to that list too.)

"Fuck you,"

"Oh, you and Steve? My, how do I react to all these super soldiers pining after me?" Tony asked as he eased the mug from Bucky's grip and placed it in the sink. "I kid; I know you feel something for that quick little bastard."

"Stark, I will shoot you,"

"No, you won't. Who'd pay for everything then?"

"Steve; he's in the same bracket as you, or however you're supposed to say that shit. You think you're loaded, but you should see his bank account,"

"That deceiving dick,"

"You think he's some Golden Boy. He really isn't," Bucky said with a shrug of his shoulder before he pushed himself off the counter he had been leaning on and walked back out. Fuck breakfast and the others. He could hide in his room until he had to go to his session.

When he made it back to his floor, he went into the living room area, where his trusty sofa - that Steve promised he hadn't fucked Tony on - sat and the too big of a TV was. The table in the middle was expensive looking and had parts made of glass. What caught Bucky's attention, was the fact that there was indeed food there. He frowned as he edged towards it, feeling too cautious but had a general idea as to who it could've been.

His suspicions were proved right when he saw the little note beside the food, the scrawl familiar and kind of comforting:

 

_Eat, fool. Even Super Soldiers need to eat on a morning._

_\- PM_

 

Feeling something warm up in his chest, around his heart, he couldn't help the smile that made its way onto his face.

He still cared.

Bucky sat down on the sofa and picked up the plate of food before he leant back and turned on the TV, half watching and not really listening to whatever had first come on. His mind was racing a mile a minute as he thought about Pietro going and leaving him food when he had evidently seen Bucky not get any. The weird warm feeling made itself more pronounced and he felt jitters. These were those butterflies people usually talked about?

He had to get used to those kinds of feelings again. The idea of there actually being something between himself and Pietro was frightening and he was thinking of all the negatives that could - and would - go wrong if he were to actually go and have some form of relationship with Pietro. He couldn't risk hurting Pietro like that, set him up for failure and hurt. Bucky wouldn't do that to someone like Pietro (or anyone) and wondered if he should tell Pietro to stay away from that kind of area for his own good, so that he wouldn't be hurt in the future from something much more powerful if they did decide to go down that route.

Bucky groaned again, for what felt like the hundredth time. He had to stop thinking about that stuff; it was making him feel stressed and he hated it when he was stressed, it made everyone else (bar Clint) feel uneasy.

He seriously contemplated going and talking to Clint, seeking out his advice, but that thought died down pretty quickly, again, when he realised Clint had a car crash of a romantic life and probably wouldn't give him the best of advice, considering he had woken Bucky up by teasing him about his possible relationship with Pietro.

Bucky needed a drink. Or a hundred. Whatever could get a super soldier drunk. The faint niggling voice in the back of his head reminded him why that was a bad idea - and that he should've been getting washed and dressed so that he could be ready to go and see his therapist.

Bucky wanted to go back to bed. He didn't blame himself for wanting so.

"Fuckin' hell," he sighed as he put the plate back down and walked off to his bathroom, feeling all weird inside. He couldn't tell if it was good or not.

 

* * *

 

 

"So, Bucky,"

"No." he grumbled, feeling more like Clint (read: childish) as he crossed his arms over his chest and stared straight at the psychiatrist.

"What has gotten you so agitated?" she asked, giving him a soft smile. Bucky gnawed at the inside of his lip for a few seconds before he decided on _fuck it_ , and opened his mouth.

"Pietro kissed me. There, I said it. Can I go now?"

"Quite the contrary. When did he kiss you?"

"Last night. In the gym," he answered, his heart starting to get faster as the memories flooded back in.

"The gym?"

"What? Did you expect it to be on a candlelit dinner?"

"No. I just didn't think it would be in the gym, of all places. The living room or the kitchen, or even your own private quarters. But at the moment, what I think does not matter. We're here to talk about you, Bucky Barnes. So, continue," she said, that look all so expecting and calm. Bucky wanted to punch that expression off.

"I dunno. I saw him in the gym and he was having trouble getting his breath back so I helped him and he kissed me," Bucky said and shrugged his metal shoulder. "Nothing else to say," he said and she gave him a Look. "Made me feel weird inside and like I was going to explode,"

"But?" she ventured and Bucky's hatred for her was growing. He hated people who tried to get him to open up and talk about his feelings, his head.

"Liked it," he said and shrugged again, keeping eye contact with her; the last thing he wanted to do was avoid that, make himself look weaker and like he was a specimen again, for people to cut open and vivisect.

"That all?"

"He panicked and ran off,"

"And how did that make you feel?"

"I dunno. I don't blame him; I'm me and he's him. I'm fucked in the head - hence why I'm seeing you, obviously - and emotions, feelings and all that bullshit,"

"You're very good at these explanations. What are these emotions? How does it all work out in your head?"

"Badly."

"Really?"

"I just ... Pietro shouldn't have to deal with me, with my head and all that barbed wired shit. He's seen me a mess, but he's not seen me so bad that it feels like everything I've tried to move on from the Soldier has been pointless,"

She laughed.

Bucky tensed as he looked at her. She was actually laughing, some grin on her face that he didn't trust one bit.

"What the fuck?"

"Oh, Yasha," she said with a slight sigh, wiping the corners of her eyes. He stood up and before he knew it, there was a gun pointed at him. He stopped in his tracks, feeling his heart hammering in his chest madly.

He knew there was a reason why he didn't fucking trust her.

"What? You didn't see that coming?" she asked, her grin widening before she placed a mask over her face. Bucky lunged at her and she shot, albeit wildly and he knocked her down, ripping the gun from her grip and aimed at her face.

But it was too late.

His eyesight became hazy, blurry and he could smell something strange. His body got heavy and he was falling to the side, into a never ending pit of darkness. He pointed and tried to pull the trigger. He wasn't sure if he got her or not, but he fucking hoped so.

Bitch.

 

* * *

 

 

When he woke up, he really wished he hadn't.

The lights were dim, not as bright as they could have been. He could vaguely recognise the place and felt the bottom fall out of his stomach.

Man, he was fucked.

"Ah, Mr Barnes," Bucky held back on the flinch that threatened to show just how scared he was. "So good to see you awake,"

He bit his lower lip to stop the snarky comment.

"Are you ready?"

"Fuck off," Bucky spat, face contorting with anger as he stared at the so called doctors started to surround him. He tried to lash out, only to see his left arm had been removed and he had been strapped down against the chair, the familiar headsets lowering over his face. He could feel panic setting in his chest as they pieces lowered over his head, keeping him firmly in place.

Bucky screamed.

He lost track of what was real and what was fake. Bucky tried to concentrate on the things when he had been with the Avengers, what he and Pietro were like, laughing, smiling, being friends. Bucky tried to hold onto the memories of what he and Pietro had last done.

Bucky tried to hold onto the memory of what Pietro's mouth felt like on his, how warm he was, how he felt when Bucky ever hugged him, what his scent was like. He tried to remember how soft Pietro's hair was, but he couldn't. He wanted to cry.

His head was hurting. It really was. Sometimes, he would have little breaks, which were mainly full of darkness and voices he thought he knew, but he couldn't be too sure; there were a lot of voices in his head and he wasn't too sure of if they actually belonged to anyone, or if his mind had made them up. Bucky could feel something in him changing, he wasn't sure what and wasn't sure if it was good or bad. Whether the change was physical, mental or emotional.

And then something broke.

The thing that broke, he wasn't too sure as to what it was, exactly, but he no longer cared, didn't care for anything he had done before and forgot who the Maximoff boy was. But everything was turning cold and whatever memories he had created faded into the darkness, where he couldn't find them.

"Soldier?"

He winced; it didn't sound right, but it kind of suited him at the same time. Was that his name?

"Wipe him again, try harder,"

The pain returned.

He lost track of time, what were real and what were fake again. There was something wrong but he didn't know what again. He didn't know if he cared or not. There were needles in his head, glass in his bones and he wanted everything to stop.

He forgot his name, who he truly was; all he knew was how to fight, how he could use his metal to kill people. He knew the bare minimal things that could get his body by; food, drinking, showering and other bathroom things. He could do the barest of things, but what he could do - what he was _made_ to do - was to shoot people, get the right information and take out his targets, make it look like suicides, like a bad affair gone wrong. He could do anything when he didn't exactly exist.

_"Zhelaniye,"_

He felt himself frown as it felt like a needle was taken from his head.

_"Rzhaviy,"_

Something replaced it. The needles were changed; he wasn't sure if the new ones hurt more or less.

_"Semnadtsat',"_

_"Rassvet,"_

_"Pech',"_

_"Devyat',"_

_"Dobroserdechniy,"_

_"Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu,"_

_"Odin,"_

_"Gruzovoy vagon,"_

_"Yarkiy,"_

There was something different, making him more compliant. He was almost ready.

_"Dvadtsat',"_

_"Noviy,"_

_"Stariy,"_

_"Dobroe utroe, soldat,"_

"Dobroe utroe. Mission?"

"Kill the Black Widow."

"Yes, sir,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit where credit is due; the line about Clint and Bucky being Sniper Bros is heavily inspired from sara_holmes' Clint Barton's Super Secret Snipers' Club. Seriously check out their work it's amazing and inspired me to put my work out on AO3.  
> The braiding Bucky's hair was also a headcanon I saw a while ago that I found great.


	12. Man in the night

_The Soldier threw the man onto the mat with a dull thud, hands wrapped around his neck. He looked up at the supervisor who gave him a curt nod. The Soldier twisted his hands and the sick snapping noise echoed around the large gym._

_"Good, Soldat. You are almost ready," the supervisor said and flicked his wrist slightly beside his head and several people entered the large room. They were dragging in a woman with bright gingery-red hair. The Soldier looked at her, analysing her._

_Easy._

_He stood up, letting the body drop at his feet. He moved away from it and kept his face blank as the woman was thrown at him. She looked like a deer caught in headlights; her eyes were wide and her hair was more flyaway than the curls they probably were prior._

_"Please," she whispered, voice raspy and thick with a Russian accent. "Help,"_

_He ignored her pleas._

_"She is your doll. She is a Black Widow,"_

_"Da,"_

_"Prick," the woman spat, her façade falling as she stepped into a familiar stance. The Soldier smirked and fell into one like hers._

_"Bitch," he said and her face contorted and she charged at him. He dodged her moving limbs, smiling under the muzzle strapped on his face._

_He wasn't sure how he did it, but he managed to break her arms and pin her against the floor. He felt himself breathing hard, the muzzle making the oxygen difficult to get. He felt slightly dizzy, but forced that problem to the back of his mind, where he could deal with it once she was dead._

_"Do it,"_

_He ripped her head back before twisting it viciously, the cracking sound reverberating._

_"Another,"_

_He lost count of how many red haired women he was forced to fight, to kill. They had all looked similar in the curves of their bodies, the way their hair fell from their heads, framing their faces. Their voices sounded similar too; heights almost exactly the same._

_He didn't care. He got his jobs done and they didn't hurt him._

_He wasn't too sure how many days he went through this, how long it took for him to actually not care any more. It could have been months, years, or could have been as short as a few days._

_Everything all just meshed together in a way the Soldier didn't understand. His supervisor - he'd heard him be called Crossbones - was pleased with him. Sometimes, he would let the Soldier stay away from the cold, from the things that hurt his head. Sometimes, he would kiss him, praise him and dominate him._

_The Soldier wasn't sure if he liked it when he did that, but it stopped him from being hurt, stopped them from making his head ache in a way that he couldn't fathom._

_"Soldat,"_

_The Soldier barely flinched when he was acknowledged. He turned his head, eyes lifeless as he stared at Crossbones._

_"Remember when you were told your mission?"_

_"Kill the Black Widow?"_

_"An opportunity has arisen. Complete your mission. Take her out any means necessary. Anyone tries to save her, kill them too," Crossbones said, holding out a folder. The Solider stood up and reached over and almost snatched it from Crossbones' grip. He flicked through it and saw the face of a woman familiar to him. He felt like he should've properly recognised her. But then he realised she looked awfully similar to the other women. Had they trained him specifically to kill this woman?_

_"She and those women were trained in the same place," Crossbones supplied, probably seeing how the Soldier had stalled when he saw her face. "She and the others had betrayed us. We can't take them back; so we're executing them. Or you are. You can do this, right?"_

_"Yes,"_

_"Good." Crossbones said, voice soft but the Soldier didn't trust it one bit; there was something underlying in it. Crossbones tilted his head slightly and the Solider felt his stomach turn in a horrible uncomfortable way before he leant over and pressed his mouth on Crossbones'. He felt Crossbones smile, felt the maliciousness against his mouth and went to pull away, only for Crossbones to pull him closer, his tongue going into the Soldier's mouth. He wanted to bite the thing off, but didn't want to face those consequences. So he let Crossbones do whatever he wanted._

_The Soldier couldn't wait to get on the mission; he'd be away from Crossbones. Be away from everything he did to The Soldier._

_Crossbones tugged at his hair, before he pushed the Soldier backwards into his room, before he kicked the door shut. He snaked his way towards the Soldier, pressing up close to him as he pressed his mouth against the Soldier's neck. The Soldier knew this was wrong, but he couldn't disobey. Crossbones led him to the bed and pressed him down against it, pressing his mouth on the Soldier's._

 

* * *

  

 

"Pietro, please calm down," Steve said, rubbing his hand over his jaw.

"Fuck off," Pietro spat, increasing his speed as he paced. The others felt worry as he was beginning to leave a trail in the floor, wearing it away so much.

"Pietro!" Wanda snapped.

"Nyet. You think the fucking psychiatrists are good, but then that one goes and fucking kidnaps Bucky. How do you expect me to be calm when he could be being hurt right now?"

"Pietro, please,"

"No, no, no. You do not understand -"

"Pietro, he's my best friend," Steve said, walking over to him and placing his hand on Pietro's shoulder, giving him that sad smile. Pietro went to speak, but stopped, appearing to have thought better of it. He turned his gaze to the floor, chest heaving. "We'll get him back,"

"How do you know that? H.Y.D.R.A was able to get into the Tower - again - and manage to kidnap him. He is a fucking super soldier," Pietro said and Steve's jaw clenched.

"We'll get him back. I'm not going to lose him again. You won't either," Steve said firmly. Pietro sighed but nodded, lowering his head slightly, trying to compose himself. "Right now, we need to find that bitch of a psychiatrist," Steve said and Pietro looked up at him, eyes feeling too warm.

"Well, looks like we're in luck," Tony called from his pit of technology. They looked over and saw him emerging. "Speedy, did Barnes ever tell you her name?"

"Nyet,"

"Really?" Tony asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "Well, she's called Mary Jones. Bit of a plain name. Really, that's her cover name. I doubt she was dumb enough to put her real name on her application as a psychiatrist,"

"Tony get to the point," Steve said.

"She's left a trail of her origins and all that shit. I can go back and find out if that Mary Jones name is real or not and track her. She has a pretty recognisable appearance," Tony said and looked at  Pietro who gave him a shrug.

"He did not like talking about his sessions with the quacks," Pietro said and Steve let out a noise that Pietro wasn't sure if it was a laugh or cry. Pietro glanced over at Tony who gave him a shrug as an answer.

"I got J on the tracking back part and if she's dumb - which she probably is, I mean, she's H.Y.D.R.A - then we'll be able to track her before the name change -"

"What's all this gonna do?"

"Well, Mr Fucking-Miserable-Freedom, we'll be able to look at her life story. Find out when she joined H.Y.D.R.A, hack into her database shit, find out where she lives, where she goes the most, find her, get information out of her then all we have to do is go find your Buckaroo,"

"Or you could get Nat to do that," Clint murmured, loud enough for Pietro to hear.

"Romanov is good at tracking," Pietro said, giving Tony a half shrug when he looked up at the speedster, "she has - what is it? - a specific skill set, she might as well use them, save you the effort,"

"Thanks, kid," Natasha said from where she had been standing beside Clint, sipping at a milkshake, looking quite bored. "Give me forty-eight hours -"

"Twenty-four," Steve cut in. She looked over at him before she nodded, walking over to Tony, taking the StarkPad from his grip and left the room.

They started to disperse, not knowing what to do any more. Pietro sped off to the gym, not wanting to talk to any of the others. When he got there, he went straight to the treadmill and tried to get rid of the energy that had been pent up. The worry, anxiety and ever other emotion was piling up inside him and he didn't know what to do - so he ran.

Pietro lost track of time, didn't stop running, refused to stop until he was too physically exhausted to do anything except lay down. He wasn't sure what time it was when he stopped, but he knew it had gotten dark outside; the lights inside the gym having been adjusted. Once he did finally stop, his body was coated in a heavy layer of sweat, his breathing loud and jagged. He could feel his hair sticking to his face, ears and the back of his neck. He stopped the treadmill and stepped off it and sat down beside it, feeling the sweat running down his back.

"Kid?"

Clint.

"Go away," Pietro muttered, squeezing his eyes shut as he pressed his lips together, trying to keep himself together.

"Wanda's worried about you. So are the others," Clint said casually. Pietro wanted him to go away; he didn't want Clint to be there to see him breakdown.

"I do not care,"

"Liar," Clint said before he knelt beside him. Clint let out a grunt as his bones cracked and popped as he knelt down. Pietro couldn't bring himself to call Clint an old man.

"Yeah,"

"Don't force yourself to do this; pushing yourself unnecessarily will fuck you up,"

"Thanks," Pietro said, feeling a faint laugh trying to bubble up, but it faded into nothingness pretty quickly.

"Bucky wouldn't want you to be doing this to yourself," Clint said, venturing into something he knew wouldn't be good.

"Shut up,"

"What?"

"Do not talk about him," Pietro told him, feeling like he was on the verge of crying. "I do not want to talk about him,"

"Kid,"

"I am not a kid either!" Pietro snapped and turned to look at him, all glaring anger. Clint didn't look phased. Instead he looked like he understood him?

Pietro could feel all the anger draining out of him and rested his head on top of his knees.

"Pietro, you gotta talk about stuff. Yeah, it sucks ass, but we gotta do that. We're human and sometimes talking to someone helps to get stuff out there, so you're not - I dunno - swamped by it all."

"For an old man, you spout a lot of shit,"

"But it's smart shit," Clint countered and Pietro surprised himself with the weak laugh that elicited from him.

"I miss him,"

"Of course you do. You're pretty fucking gone for him,"

"I still screwed up, yes?"

"No. I'm pretty sure you just shocked him. He's not that used to stuff 'round here. He's more used to the norm of straightness and internalised homophobia, great going forties. We'll get him back, don't worry. He's tough, he can work through it all until we come and get him. Either that or he'll bust himself out and will be in the communal area by tomorrow, waitin' for us to notice him,"

"You sound so optimistic," Pietro said and turned his head so he could look at Clint.

"Someone has to," Clint said with a shrug.

Then Clint saw that little lip wobble. It was minute, barely noticeable, but it was there. He sighed to himself before he shifted closer to Pietro and put his arm around him, pulling him closer to him. He felt Pietro wrap his arms around him tightly, his body beginning to shake. Clint let out a shaky breath as he held onto Pietro, allowing the younger man to sob into his t-shirt. He wasn't sure what to do, so just held onto him, giving the silent comfort he could give. Clint blinked multiple times, wishing his eyes weren't as warm as they were, weren't stinging as much as they were. He refused it. He had to be strong; it was clear that Pietro needed some support, so he had to be the one to give him it.

And for a while - neither counted the minutes - Pietro simply cried into Clint, letting the emotions out, trying to get rid of the turmoil that had been inside his head.

 

* * *

 

 

 

It took longer that the twenty-four hours that Natasha had been given.

She found out who the Mary Jones actually was - a head H.Y.D.R.A leader, part of their project that included The Winter Soldier.

Finding her took longer than expected; it turned out she was very good at hiding.

They had their rough days; Pietro spent most of his time either in his bed (the others knew he spent that time crying, not that they would tell him), or with the others trying to track down Mary Jones or where they could have taken Bucky. Pietro would spend hours replaying the footage of Bucky being taken away, before it got blurry and turned to static, leaving them unable to find out who had taken him and where. Tony and Natasha had tried so hard to get the footage to go their way, to find out who had taken Bucky, but their actions were fruitless.

There was a soft tapping on his bedroom door and he ignored it. He had his blankets pulled over his head, a StarkPad pressed close to his face as he played the footage for the fiftieth time since he woke up. The door slid open silently and he heard a panting noise before a weight was pressed against his back. The heavy panting was loud in his ear. Frowning, he pulled his blankets away, only to have a tongue wipe over his face.

"Aw, Lucky!" Pietro whined, wiping his face and pushing Lucky away slightly. "You are such a gross animal,"

"Hey, it just means he likes you," a voice said from the doorway. "May I come in?"

"Sure," Pietro said as Lucky forced his way under the covers so his head was resting on Pietro's lap. Pietro sighed a little before he shifted slightly and pulled the blankets away and started to stroke Lucky's head softly.

"You're torturing yourself," Clint told him as he perched on the end of Pietro's bed. Pietro didn't answer, instead he moved the StarkPad to under his pillow as he kept his gaze on Lucky, who was partially smiling at the affection Pietro was giving him. Pietro didn't want to talk to anyone. He'd begun to shut himself out from Wanda.

It had been weeks now, _months_.

Pietro was beginning to think he'd never see Bucky again.

"Pietro, please," Clint sighed as he slid down to sit on the bed properly.

"I just ... Clint, it fucking terrifies me and the last thing I ever did to him was run away," Pietro said and looked up at Clint, eyes too bright and shone emotions that made Clint's stomach lurch. Pietro leant back against his headboard, breathing out slowly. "I did not notice how much I - how much he -"

"I get it," Clint told him softly, scratching at his ear, almost dislodging the hearing aid placed there. 

"There is just so much I wanted to say to him and now -" he stopped talking, biting his lower lip to try and stop himself from crying again. Pietro felt annoyed at how easily he broke down. He had gone through so much and was breaking down now, so easily and it was all because of Bucky Barnes.

Pietro didn't really understand why Bucky had this much of an impact on him and his life. All he knew was that one day Bucky popped into his life and then that was it. Boom, he was gone for him. Whenever he thought about Bucky, it felt like an aching pain in his chest that wouldn't go away. God, he missed Bucky so much, more than he could ever think possible.

"When did we even first meet him?"

"A while ago. Probably a year and a half ago,"

"And how long has he been gone?"

"Five months,"

"Fuck,"

They fell into silence not long after that, just listening to Lucky's breathing as Pietro continued to pet him. The only thing that disturbed them was the Avengers Alert that rang through the Tower and on their phones. Pietro groaned and nudged Lucky off him, swinging his legs over the bed.

"C'mon, let's go," Clint said, swinging his arm over Pietro's shoulders and dragged him out of his room. When they got there, Pietro changed into his suit with remarkable speed, even for him. Clint raised his eyebrow deftly, just enough.

"Oh, look, he's still alive," Tony Stark said as he appeared, having donned his Iron Man suit bar helmet, Bruce Banner on his heels, looking as awkward as ever. Pietro gave him a displeased look but said nothing. Tony gave Clint a look, Clint in return shrugged his shoulders before he grabbed his bow and slipped on his quiver.

"Let's go, kid," Clint said and tugged Pietro with him.

They got onto the jet and Clint looked over at Steve, giving the Star Spangled Man a look, to which he shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

"Do you think we should be bringing Pietro on this mission?" Natasha asked, voice low as she slid to standing beside Clint.

"No. But what can we do? He's got the speed, we need to sort this stuff out. Besides, it might be good to - y'know - let him concentrate on something else other than Bucky,"

"He's really distracted. He could get someone killed if we're not careful. He could get himself killed," Natasha said, eyes landing on Pietro, who had been staring at the floor ever since he sat down. His legs were shaking in a blur. Clint worried for the kid, he really did.

"That's a possibility. I'll keep an eye out, get Steve to pull him back if he ends up being reckless," Clint told her, voice quiet.

"Good. We don't need another Sokovia incident."

"Nat,"

"Right, team, we're almost there," Steve said, finishing Clint and Natasha's conversation for them. "Romanov, I want you as sniper with Barton," Steve began as the jet began to shudder as it slowed to a stop. "Maximoffs, I want you two running round, taking the agents down, just take some of their senses away, immobile enough so that we can round them up later. Banner, I want you on the ground as well, take out as many possible bunkers and cars as you can,"

"What about me and you?" Tony asked as he stood up from the pilot's seat, moving to stand barely an inch away from Steve.

"You're gonna do what you do best: flying around and shooting things. I'll be on the ground, doing something similar only with my shield,"

"Great plan." Pietro said, sounding far too bitter.

"Pietro, we take down this H.Y.D.R.A base, we're one step closer to getting Barnes," Natasha said. He looked up at her, before his gaze slid back to the floor.

"Right, team," Steve said, after having coughed and cleared his throat. "Let's go,"

And then they left.

Natasha and Clint found their perches, setting up their sniper points whilst they saw Pietro running in a blur of blue, silver and red.

"We need to get into the base. Stark?"

"On it, Capsicle,"

"Something feels wrong," Pietro said after a beat of silence.

"Yes. He's right. Something's off," Natasha said, eyes scanning the area as she stayed on her perch, crouching like a tiger ready to pounce, mane of hair like a wild fire.

"Everything always feels off when H.Y.D.R.A is involved," Tony muttered across the comms. Clint silently agreed, but this felt more than that usual sense of wrong. His gut instinct was telling him that something was going to go wrong, and that something was going to happen soon.

"Shit, we got someone in the field,"

"Enhanced?" Pietro and Clint asked in unison. Hulk roared in the distance.

"No, a sn-"

BANG!

"NAT!" Clint screamed, abandoning his post as he lunged over to Natasha. "Aw, Nat, no," Clint whispered as he looked at the bullet wound on her head.

"Barton?" Wanda shouted.

"Nat's been hit. Bullet wound to the head," Clint informed the others, heart hammering against his sternum, like it was going to break out of his chest. He knelt down, eyes on the wound. "Bullet didn't enter. May have fractured the side of her skull though. I need an Evac ASAP," Clint said, forcing the tears away. Nat would be fine, he told himself. She had to be.

"Barton, I've called for an Evac," Tony said. "Are you -?"

"Of course I'm treating the fucking wound! I know how to deal with a bullet to the head," Clint snapped, swallowing hard.

Pietro felt himself breathing heavily as he dropped Wanda off back at the jet.

"Stay here," he told her.

"Nyet! We have to be out there," she began, eyes fierce. "I have to go out there and stop those bastards. I cannot risk losing you either. If Romanov dies, we have to be there to protect Clint and everyone else. We have to be out there to save them,"

"Nyet," Pietro said, shaking his head. He reached up to touch his comms device. "We should retreat, fight another day. We need to get out before that sniper gets one of us and actually kills us," Pietro said.

"Quicksilver's right. We head back, make sure Romanov's gonna survive and we go and find out who the sniper is and take them out." Steve said. Pietro bit his lip and looked around, scratching at the stubble on his face -

In the trees, in the distance, he saw it. The glint of metal.

"Wanda, stay here," Pietro said and vanished before she could make a retort about how he was the one who should have stayed there.

Pietro came to a stop at the treeline, eyes scanning the area. He knew he saw that metal flashing in the light. He had to make sure it was Bucky, that he was alive.

"Bucky?" he asked as he ventured into the trees and out of sight. He tread quietly, ears perked as he listened for any sound of movement, rustle of the leaves.

Pietro heard the click of a gun as the end got pressed against his head.

"Quicksilver," the voice stated, cold and harsh, muffled by something he couldn't see. Pietro's heart went into his throat.

"Bucky?"

"Who the fuck is Bucky?" Pietro shifted just in time as the bullet was let from the gun. He turned and looked at Bucky.

He was wearing eye makeup, dark and covered his eyelids and the bridge of his nose. It looked like a poorly constructed mask, but made his eyes bright, despite how dark and dead they looked. He wore a muzzle on his face - what must have muffled his voice - and his eyebrows were furrowed together in anger.

That wasn't Bucky Barnes. That was The Winter Soldier.

"Bucky," Pietro whispered, feeling like he was going to be sick. "What the fuck did they do to you?"

"Pietro, did you say Bucky?" Steve asked in his ear, but he sounded distant, like he was miles away or under water.

Bucky - or Winter Soldier - stalked towards him, but he was frozen. The Winter Solider raised his left hand and the lights turned on in Pietro's head. He dodged the hand, moving backwards as he looked at The Winter Soldier's advancing form.

"Soldat, stand down," Pietro said, hoping to the gods that it would work.

It didn't.

Pietro used his speed to dodge every hit he aimed his way. Bucky - Soldier - ignored whatever Pietro said and flipped a knife out and slashed at Pietro violently and fluently, as if he had been doing it for years - which he had, which broke Pietro's heart into a million pieces.

Pietro grunted when The Soldier tackled him, forcing him to the ground. His legs were on either side of Pietro's torso, forcing him in place. Pietro tried to hit him, knock him aside, but he caught Pietro's hands in his metal one and placed them above his head.

"Honestly, I did not think you would put me in this position this way," Pietro choked out, the words almost getting caught in his throat. Pietro saw the confusion in his eyes before they became blank and dead once again. He flipped out another knife with his right hand, glancing at it before he placed it against Pietro's neck. Pietro's breathing faltered for a moment. "You do not have to do this," Pietro told him, voice quiet. The others were screaming in his ear, Wanda and Clint being particularly loud. He briefly wondered how Natasha was doing; if she was still alive.

"Shut the fuck up,"

And then there was an ear-splitting roar and before he knew it, there was a large green fist above him, Bucky's - or The Winter Soldier's - body was flung through the air, body colliding with a tree, head hitting it with an audible _thud_. Pietro sped over to him just to see his eyes roll into the back of his head before they closed.

"Pietro!" Wanda screamed in his ear and he winced.

"Hulk protect fast silver man," Hulk grunted out. Pietro turned to look at him, smiling a little.

"Thanks, big guy, you are the best," he said, earning a toothy grin from Hulk.

"He ponytail man. He bad now?"

"No. Someone messed with his head,"

"We help?"

"Yeah, we are going to help him," Pietro nodded before he knelt down and checked his pulse. He touched the comms device in his ear. "I am alright; Hulk came in and saved me. But I found Bucky. Only, it is not Bucky," Pietro informed the others.

"What the fuck do you mean?" Steve demanded as Pietro picked up the sniper rifle that had been discarded from presumably before he found him.

"I mean he has been turned Winter Soldier again and was probably given the order to kill Natasha Romanov," Pietro said. He glanced back at the Hulk. "Hey, big guy, can you pick him up? Hold him secure in case he wakes up,"

Hulk nodded and stalked towards The Winter Soldier, picking him up and slung him over his shoulder, making a grunting noise.

"We are coming back to you," Pietro told them before turning to look up at Hulk. "Let's go," he said and led the way to the others.

When they got there, Wanda embraced him in a tight hug before swearing at him for scaring her.

"I thought you were going to be killed," she snapped at him, eyes bright.

"I cannot be killed that easily," he said with a faux smile and a shrug of his shoulders.

"Oh, Bucky," Steve sighed from behind the Maximoff twins. Hulk made a noise before he dropped Bucky's unconscious state onto the floor.

"Where's Clint and Natasha?" Pietro asked as he looked between Steve and Wanda.

"An Evac came and took them. So far, Natasha's still kicking." Steve told him. Pietro nodded as he put an arm around Wanda.

"I would probably put handcuffs on Bucky; he has got his Winter Soldier mind-set. We need to make sure he does not hurt anyone," Pietro said. Steve made a pained noise but nodded and reached up into a compartment and pulled out some heavy duty magnets. Steve gnawed on his lip before he put them around Bucky's arms and legs.

"You think it'll fuck up his arm?"

"Yes. But we have Stark. He can always go armless if he does not want to be checked out by Stark," Pietro told him. Steve stood up, nodding as he glanced over at Pietro.

"I don't want to lose him again,"

"You will not," Pietro said. "Bucky is tough, we will get him back soon enough. He got his head screwed with before and he managed to get back to us. He can do it again,"

"You're quite optimistic,"

"Someone has to," Pietro said with a shrug.

"The compound is down and secure. The agents have been arrested," came Hill's voice. "Romanov has been moved there until she is stable enough to be moved back to HQ,"

"Yes, ma'am,"

 

* * *

 

 

 

"How is she?" Pietro asked as he stood behind the chair Clint was sitting in.

"Stable. Minor fracture to her skull, but no damage to her brain. She'll have one helluva scar, but she'll be fine. Should be awake soon," Clint said. "I don't trust this place at all," Clint admitted.

"Me too. Thor is on his way, bringing some remedies to help with Natasha and Bucky,"

"Bro, this sucks,"

"Indeed,"

There was a knock at the door and they turned around to see Bruce stand there, no longer in Hulk form.

"Hey. Bucky's stirring, thought you two might like to see him or something. I'll be keeping an eye on Natasha's vitals for the time being and Hill's going to come in soon so I'm not alone in case anything bad happens," Bruce said.

"Thanks," Clint said, standing up and stretched, his back popping loudly.

"Old man," Pietro muttered and Clint flipped him off.

"Kiss my ass, kid," Clint said before he dragged Pietro out of the room.

They walked through the halls, guns and bows ready for if there were somehow any other H.Y.D.R.A bastards lurking in the halls. They got to the room Bucky was being kept in and saw him weight down by the magnetised cuffs, eyes flittering behind his eyelids. Pietro's heart lurched when he saw the pained look on his face.

"Banner said he's waking?" Clint asked as he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against the wall.

"Stirring. He's almost surfaced a few times, but nothing really. A few words in Russian here and there, but nothing intelligible,"

"Sounds like Bucky already," Clint muttered and Pietro snorted from his place beside him. "Hey, kid, wanna see if Sleeping Beauty will wake up to you?" Clint asked, making Pietro elbow him.

"Jackass,"

"Thou wounds me," Clint said, pressing a hand over his chest. Pietro rolled his eyes but reluctantly walked over to beside Steve who had being standing close to Bucky's unconscious form.

"Hey, asshat. Wake the fuck up," Pietro said, setting Clint off in a fit of giggles.

"Pietro -" Steve began but Pietro smiled at him.

"It was worth a shot, no?"

"Idiot,"

"Obviously; I hang around you guys," Pietro retorted and Steve coughed out a laugh. His face turned serious when he looked back at Bucky, who had been clean shaven for once, looking young and innocent. Pietro couldn't think of a time where he had ever seen Bucky like that before. His heart ached that little bit more. "Bucky?" he asked, feeling his back tense up when he saw Bucky shift in his sleep.

Steve pressed his hand to Pietro's chest, gently pushing Pietro behind him. Bucky let out a quiet groan and made to rub his head, only for his eyes to snap open and look around wildly. His eyes clapped on Pietro and his face contorted into something beyond anger. It terrified Pietro, but he refused to show as such.

"Suka!" Bucky spat at him and Pietro snorted.

"Right back at you," he said and Bucky looked mildly confused for less than a millisecond, before it was back to that anger. He tried to get up and attack, but flailed. Lucky that the cuffs were there and Steve sat on him, keeping him firmly in place.

And then there was a sharp pain in Pietro's neck. His vision went blurry and he felt this legs give out as he had trouble differentiating shapes and colours. He thought he heard screaming - maybe Wanda or Clint. He wasn't too sure. He felt his world go dark.

It really wasn't long until the world came back to him, but he still felt drugged up. He looked up, eyes heavy, and saw Bucky still cuffed, but now donned a bloody nose and not quite bruised eye, as if it was recovering from a black one. He looked around and saw Wanda unconscious beside Clint who was bleeding from his mouth, nose looking recently broken. Steve was in similar cuffs as Bucky, but looked like he was about to die. There was a gut wound on him and there were several people holding him down.

"Ah, I see Quicksilver has joined the land of the living," a man said from somewhere to Pietro's right. He turned his head and felt like he was about to be sick. It felt like the drugs in his system were making his mind too slow, despite his body being its usual quickness. "Aw, what is this?" the man asked, Russian accent as thick as ever. Or was it German? Pietro was having trouble understanding things. He lowered his head and saw something shine from around his neck - oh, yeah, that Roadrunner necklace Bucky had given him.

"Piss off, you generic evil dick," Pietro spat, trying to focus his eyes on the man above him. He looked faintly like Strucker, only looked more like a dickhead.

"How rude," the man said and Pietro was feeling like his world was only pain. He let out a gasp, struggling to get the oxygen into his lungs. When his vision started to focus again, he saw blood dripping from his body and onto the floor. He coughed, feeling like his throat was too tight.

"Fuck off, dickbag,"

"Well, since you asked so nicely. Zhelaniye,"

Bucky let out a groan, shaking his head. Pietro's eyes widened as he looked at the unfocused blob that was Bucky.

"Bucky," Pietro whispered.

_"Rzhaviy,"_

There was a pained nose, like a wounded animal and Pietro felt a tear slip from his shut eyes. He couldn't hear this happen, couldn't hear Bucky be turned into some monster.

_"Semnadtsat',"_

"Please," Bucky choked out and Pietro felt himself get angry. He had to help him.

_"Rassvet,"_

Bucky was silent, his form unmoving.

_"Pech',"_

"Bucky?" Pietro called out, feeling the effects of the drugs beginning to properly wear off. His head hurt like a bitch. Pietro was going to kill someone.

_"Devyat',"_

"Shut up,"

There were huge flashes of lightning and the man was yelling.

Things started to focus in Pietro's vision and he was gifted with the sight of Thor, hammer held up and looking royally pissed off.

"That's what you get for hurting my friends," Thor said as he left the hammer on top of the man and turned to help the others. He and Steve tore off the restraints on Pietro who stumbled when they lifted him to his feet. Steve was ignoring his wound, as per usual.

"B-Bucky," he managed. Steve pulled Pietro's arm over his shoulders and led him to Bucky, who was looking confused and hurt.

"I do not understand," Bucky said, voice low, words slow. "You're ... I ..." Pietro moved away from Steve and sat down on the bed Bucky was sat on, wincing to himself as he shifted his body.

"We are your friends. H.Y.D.R.A hurt you and we had to try and find you. So here we are," Pietro started. "now we are going to try and take away the bad stuff they did to you. It might hurt - will probably hurt, but we will make you better,"

"I can remember something like this," Bucky admitted, a frown creasing its way over his face. "But all the details are blurry, like I have the wrong glasses on,"

"Buck," Steve said and Pietro glanced over at Wanda and Clint before speeding over to them, embracing Wanda in a hug.

"Get her out of here," Pietro instructed Clint, who nodded.

"Stark's got Hill and Fury on the way with more jets. We're all getting out of here,"

"Where is Stark?"

"With Nat and Banner. Helping to make sure she hasn't got any brain damage," Clint answered. "C'mon, Wanda, let's head off to the jet. I think we could do with a rest," he said and Wanda took his hand, letting him lead her out. He turned back to the others and sat beside Bucky again, who was looking surprised and terrified.

 _Oh,_ Pietro thought. _He's in the middle. Neither Winter Solider or either Bucky Barnes._

"How did you do that?" Bucky asked him, frown becoming clearer evermore as he kept his eyes on Pietro.

"Will you drink those if I answer you?" Pietro asked, gesturing to the Asgardian medicines Thor had brought. Bucky looked at Pietro for a moment or two longer before he nodded. "I was genetically enhanced and that made everything about me faster. I can move quicker, my metabolism is quicker and my heart beats so quickly it doesn't feel like there's a pulse there,"

"Like a hummingbird?" Bucky asked, sounding young, full of innocent curiosity.

"Faster," Pietro said. Bucky took him by surprise when he raised his hand and pressed it over Pietro's chest, right where his heart would be. Pietro almost jumped, but kept himself still, despite his heart getting faster. He glanced at Steve and Thor, both of whom gave him uncertain shrugs.

"Strange," Bucky muttered, eyes alight with something Pietro had never seen on his face before. He tilted his head up to look at Pietro, a smile growing on his face. Pietro felt something warm up in his chest, but pushed it aside; he could think about that stuff later, when Bucky was better. "I can drink those things now?" Bucky asked as he lowered his hand, bit his lip a little, then his hand found Pietro's. He let him hold his hand, guessing that Bucky needed the reassurance or whatever Pietro brought to him.

"Yeah, you can," Pietro said with a nod. Thor handed them over without another word.

"Should you really be holding his hand?" Steve asked in an undertone, mouth close to Pietro's ear.

"Well if he breaks it, it will heal within a few hours," Pietro said with a shrug of his shoulders. "The pain will not bother me," he said and turned his attention back to Bucky, who was looking at the purple liquid with immense distrust.

"Those are all the ones Barnes needs. I shall go to the Widow and give her hers," Thor said and promptly walked out of the room. Pietro rolled his eyes at Thor's behaviour but kept his gaze on Bucky.

"It's purple," Bucky stated.

"Yes, it is. It's to help with your head, to make sure you get your memories back,"

"I lost memories?"

"Yes. But this will help bring them back,"

"OK," Bucky said before he tipped it back and swallowed it all. His face contorted into disgust as he held Pietro's hand firmly.

"Two more," Pietro said, rubbing his thumb over the back of Bucky's hand.

"That tasted horrible," Bucky said but got the next one, drank it and the other one quickly followed suit. Bucky let out a sharp yell, pain etching its way over his features as he curled up in a ball, dry heaving. Pietro put his arm around him, rubbing his back, trying to ignore the short bursts of pain in his hand that Bucky was holding. He'd tough it out, deal with the damage later. He was good at that.

Bucky's other hand fisted in Pietro's suit, pulling at the fabric. Pietro shifted slightly so Bucky could slump against him, his body shaking as his mind was forced to remember things.

"Ah, fuck, it hurts," Bucky said, then burrowed his head into Pietro's chest as best he could. Pietro moved his hand from Bucky's back to his head, gently massaging his temples. Bucky said something, but it came out incoherent and strained. Pietro wasn't too sure what he was saying, but let him continue to babble as he tried to ease the pain in Bucky's head.

It wasn't long after did Bucky's weight slump against Pietro completely.

"I think he passed out from the pain," Pietro announced and looked over at Steve, who was looking worse for wear. "Steve?"

"I can't protect him," Steve said and whoa, where did that come from? "All my life, he's the one protecting me, and now when I have the strength to do so, I can't. I always fuck it up,"

"H.Y.D.R.A fucks it up," Pietro corrected. "He is grateful for what you do for him, the things you have sacrificed. You two are best friends, so you can always protect each other by just being that for each other. I probably did not phrase that as right as I could, but the English language is not my strong point,"

"You still speak it well," Steve said before he rubbed his hand over his face. "I just ... I want Bucky safe. He's gone through so much shit, had to suffer under those Nazi pricks for seventy years and still struggled to deal with the Winter Soldier part of him,"

"He was that for decades. It would take longer than a few days or months to get past it, to stop thinking in the mind-set of the Soldier. If he lives long enough to actually look seventy, you can bet that he'll still do things assassins do - sweep a room, take a headcount, check for possible bad guys. That kind of stuff,"

"And I can't help him with that,"

"We can. Get him and Clint to talk about shit they do not want to talk to with anyone else. Let him see war vets that could do with talking to people who endured what they did. Let him talk to people. He might not let go of the habits, but he can move on. He is strong enough to. He has done it before, so he can do it again,"

"And what about you and him?" Steve asked, curiosity taking over.

"Ah, that is another question for another day," Pietro said in lieu of answering. He looked down at Bucky's form and felt yet another pang in his chest.

"But you love him,"

Pietro looked over at Steve, frowning at the fact it wasn't a question, rather a statement.

"I have eyes. They might not be as good as Clint's, but they work. He's gone for you and you're gone for him,"

"And when he next wakes?" Pietro asked.

"He will still be gone for you. He's stubborn as a mule when he wants to be. He loves you, even if he's not ready to admit it. I can read that guy like a book - I mean, I should be able to, I've known him for years - but he'll come round to it, face his feelings and then face you,"

"Bucky Barnes facts from the guy who knows him inside out," Pietro murmured before he settled into a better position.

The others would come for them soon enough, and by then he could let them take Bucky somewhere safe, so that he could think through the shit fest that was his thoughts and feelings. He could have done with a few hours sleep, but he knew he wouldn't get that for a while.


	13. Tired minds have the most nightmares

Pietro waited for several days for Bucky to wake up.

He wasn't exactly sure. Steve stayed with him too, both of them sleeping in their seats when it got dark, both barely stomaching the food they were presented.

More often than not, Steve would tell Pietro to go and burn off his energy. Each time Pietro would refuse. The energy inside him felt like it was burning him alive from the inside out. But he was adamant on waiting. He would wait for Bucky. It was one night, about the fourth day of Bucky being unconscious, Steve by his side, did he realise he would always wait for Bucky, would always slow down for Bucky to catch up. Pietro would go through hell for Bucky even if he wouldn't do the same for him.

Pietro had honestly lost the track of days, keeping his mind busy as his eyes would trail over Bucky's unconscious form, chest rising and falling steadily. He would think about what he would say to Bucky once he woke. He was stuck on _'for the love of god, please tell me you are alright'_ and _'I love you, ti durak, do not do that ever again'_ he also had the thoughts of _'please tell me they didn't hurt you, that you will be able to bounce back'_ he wasn't sure which one he would go with, but he would take a guess as to which one it would be when Bucky did wake.

"Hey, Maximoff?" Steve asked on what was probably the tenth day.

"Yeah?" he looked over at the bulky man, who was sitting with his arms crossed over his chest, hair ruffled and going to the edge of greasy. The bags forming under his eyes didn't help him in the least.

"When do you think he'll wake up?"

"When he is ready," Pietro answered with a shrug. Bucky shifted slightly in his sleep and they stopped, looking at him with concern. His face creased with a frown slightly before he settled back down, muttering incoherently in Russian.

"Any idea what he said?"

"No," Pietro said with a shrug of his shoulders. He really didn't. He didn't want to know what went around in Buck's head; he knew it was messy and that if he saw what Bucky's memories and thoughts were like, he was sure he would cry.

"You love him," Steve said and Pietro felt the ends of his lips twitch upwards momentarily.

"Maybe. I do not know," Pietro told him, eyes still on Bucky. "I know that these feelings are something that could be romantic or something along those lines. Love is ... is powerful word, I think my feelings for him could be like that towards him, if given the potential, but I do not know. I do know that these feelings are not the kinds that I would feel for the others,"

"It would be awkward if you were to have those feelings for me. I think that Tony would have a heart attack,"

"And I would not?" Pietro said, tone somewhat challenging, playful. Steve laughed, eyes squinting shut as he laughed, shaking his head, arms remaining crossed over his chest.

About five seconds later Bucky woke up.

His body shifted under the covers as he let out a soft groan, eyes fluttering open unsteadily as his hand went onto his forehead. He looked around tiredly and his eyes landed on Steve first.

"Oh, my god, Steve," he said before he launched himself at Steve. The chair wobbled at the sudden weight, but neither paid it no mind. Pietro saw the way their shoulders shook, the soft sounds emitting from them as they clung onto each other as if they were all each other had.

Pietro felt like he was intruding on something.

"Did-did I kill Romanov?" Bucky asked and how voice sounded broke Pietro's heart. The poor guy.

"No. She's fine. Grazed her head," Steve informed him before he squeezed Bucky tightly before he pulled away.

"Holy fuck," Bucky breathed and Pietro didn't know what to do. Pietro caught Steve's eye and pointed to himself and then the door and Steve shook his head minutely before he looked back to Bucky who looked like he was about to go into shock. Pietro saw Bucky's eyes look around the room again and double back to see Pietro sat where he was. He gave him a small wave and Bucky lowered his head marginally. Steve looked between them before he clapped Bucky on the shoulder before he got up and left the two alone.

"Feel like shit?"

"Yeah," Bucky said before breathing out a sigh. He lifted his head up, hair falling back from his face. "Did I hurt you?" Bucky asked, gesturing to the small scars on his neck from where the knife had been pressed against his neck, having pierced a few layers of his skin. Pietro hadn't noticed at first, not until after they had been taken back to safety. His other injuries - black eye, cracked jaw, cracked skull and broken nose - were fading back to how they were before.

"Meh. It does not matter. That was not you," Pietro said with a shrug. Bucky sighed and gnawed on his lower lip slightly. "You cannot blame yourself for what happened,"

"But I was the one who couldn't fuckin' stand against them," Bucky said before he sucked in a deep breath, blinking multiple times. Pietro felt uncomfortable but moved at a steady, slow. Bucky barely moved when Pietro sat down next to him. "I can't do anything right. All I do is get fucked by H.Y.D.R.A and can't look after Steve any more," he muttered, eyes glazing over slightly. "I just ... I keep fucking everything up and it's really annoyed, but there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'm never there for Steve and he can't fucking stand the sight of the fucking arm and suddenly he's queer after he was pining after Carter and so am I but all I've ever done is look after that punk and I don't even realise he's queer until after he's gotten with Stark."

Bucky coughed roughly, wiping his metal hand over his face. "I just ... sometimes I'm just so fucking done and there's nothing I can fucking do because Steve won't let me go and Stark will do whatever it takes to please Steve so I can't even get past him or that stupid AI in the fuckin' ceiling. Clint won't fucking let me leave, that stupid bastard would cling onto me like some stupid fuckin' cat and who knows what Romanov could do if he persuaded her to help. I'm just so fuckin' tired and they can't fucking see it and they don't freakin' understand that I can't keep up with everything they're doing. Even when I try to explain shit to them, the words aren't there and they don't understand and all I'm left to do is just fuckin' ignore whatever the fuck I'm feeling because no-one will ever get it and they'll not understand that there's no words that lets me explain what the fuck is wrong with me." Bucky finished, shutting his eyes and breathed in and out deeply. Lazily, he tilted his head towards Pietro and opened his eyes. "Sorry, I just - that just came out, I -"

"I do not mind. You needed someone to talk to about it, or rant to, and I am more than happy to be that for you,"

"Thanks, kid,"

"I am no kid,"

"You fuckin' act it," Bucky muttered and Pietro smiled slightly, face aching at the gesture. Pietro saw something break in Bucky's façade before he lowered his head again, hair shadowing his face as his shoulders shook.

"Shit," Pietro cursed before he put his hand on Bucky's metal shoulder. "Bucky?"

"I just - everything I've ever fuckin' done, oh Christ!" Bucky whimpered, face hidden in his palms as the tears leaked from his eyes, composure broken.

"Bucky, it is OK to feel like this. There has been a big of good and too much bad in your life and that was more or less all because of H.Y.D.R.A. You might be a bit screwed up, but so are we. We've all done things that were our own fault but what happened to you and what you did was not your fault. H.Y.D.R.A took away your choices, what you could and could not consent to -" Bucky let out a noise and Pietro immediately stopped talking. He stared at Bucky, horrified. "Bucky?" he asked, voice small.

"Crossbones, he - I couldn't -" Bucky couldn't speak, couldn't force the words out of his mouth. Without realising it, Pietro pulled Bucky into a hug, arms around him protectively.

"I will kill him. You do not have to tell me what that dick did, but if he left you like this, I will kill him," Pietro told him firmly, even though he was shaking. Bucky let out a broken laugh, burrowing his head into Pietro's chest, still sobbing over the thoughts that had entered his mind.

"I couldn't - couldn't even say no. They'd wipe me and he could do whatever he wanted. I was so scared, but he-he was the -"

"You do not have to tell me if you cannot actually say it. But I will kill him,"

Bucky didn't reply, just continued to sob grossly into Pietro's shirt, hands fisted into the material as his body shook as the memories hit him with full force. He couldn't think about what had happened to him, what Crossbones had done to him. The pressure of it all was terrifying and he couldn't think of it. The tears fell from his eyes and soaked through Pietro's shirt and onto his chest, but the white haired speedster paid it no mind, just held onto Bucky with as much strength as he could muster as the super soldier held onto him like he was a life line.

Pietro lost track of how long they had stayed sat like that; his energy burning inside him like a wildfire. He tried to ignore it the best he could, but when Bucky moved away from him and coughed he guessed he'd begun to vibrate.

Bucky wiped at his face, sniffling as he blinked several times. "You're shaking,"

"Energy," Pietro informed him, then saw the confusion on Bucky's face. "Was that too fast?" he asked, saying his words as slow as he could. Bucky nodded.

"Why do you have so much energy? Usually you're not as bad as this, but ..." Bucky trailed off uncertainly and Pietro felt his face heat up.

"I, um, I did not - could not - leave you, just all banged up like that - I think that is how you say it - so waited for you to wake up,"

"You didn't have to do it,"

"You didn't see that coming," Pietro said, feeling the familiar sense of his catchphrase roll off his tongue. Bucky laughed, all watery and unsteady, but it was a laugh.

"Durak," Bucky said, seeming to not notice the Russian. "Go burn it off," he told him broken smile on his face as he shoved at Pietro's shoulder.

"No. Clint said we should see Natasha when you wake up," Pietro said. "We can go now if you want?" Bucky sighed but nodded and stood up, stretching. Pietro heard his back crack loudly before Bucky groaned in satisfaction. "Let's go?" Pietro asked and Bucky nodded, and without thinking, slipped his metal fingers through Pietro's. Pietro felt himself tense up for a moment, before he relaxed himself. He squeezed Bucky's hand and glanced over to see Bucky looking shocked, but returned the gesture to the speedster before said speedster led them to Natasha Romanov's room.

Pietro felt like he liked how the metal fingers felt between his own fingers, how the plates all worked together. He could hear the minute mechanical whirring of the arm, of the little moves he made and how it would make a noise as the parts inside it moved. Pietro was genuinely intrigued as to how Bucky's arm worked, but guessed that it would be rude of him to ask as to how it worked. Maybe he could ask him later, after Bucky got readjusted to life (again).

He could feel the blood in his veins, feel the warmth they brought around his body just because of the simple touch from Bucky. He wasn't sure as to why it felt like it did, but he knew it was a nice feeling, like he could get used to it, get used to Bucky.

Pietro cut that thought off, thinking about the fact that Bucky was probably really unstable and probably needed support instead of romantic affections. He would put whatever he felt aside, would put Bucky first. He knew he would always put that bastard first, regardless of what would happen to them both. Pietro knew Bucky needed all the help he could get, all the emotional support that people would give him. He was ready to help Bucky through whatever would be thrown at them, he was ready to go through a hail of bullets if it meant Bucky would be safe.

He had gone through months of emotional turmoil, not knowing if Bucky was alive or not. He was going to make sure that Bucky would never be hurt ever again - not while he was still alive.

When they got there, Clint was grinning at Natasha, fiddling with one of his arrows as she smiled, complaining about the crappy television show that was on. Natasha was the first to notice them and gave them both a two finger salute. Clint turned around and his grin widened as he saw the two, eyes dancing mischievously as he saw their interlocked hands.

"Sorry about that," Bucky said, gesturing at her head before sliding a finger across his own. Natasha simply smiled.

"If you do ever shoot me again," Natasha began and Clint cackled, "you best pray I'm dead," Clint fell off his seat.

"You human car crash," Pietro observed as he stared at Clint. Clint merely kept that shit eating grin on his face.

"Noted," Bucky said with a tip of his head to Natasha.

"So what brings you two here?"

"Just to see how our favourite scary red headed assassin is doing," Pietro said and Natasha turned to look at him.

"Have you made the first move yet?" she asked him and Pietro shook his head, suddenly looking far too awkward, the back of his neck heating up. "Durak!" she said. "You should do it before Clint does," she reprimanded, shaking her head at him. Pietro simply shrugged his shoulders helplessly. Clint rolled his eyes as Natasha sighed.

"We all know that I don't interrupt love lives when mine is enough of a car crash," Clint said as his form of input.

Natasha and Pietro both facepalmed.

Bucky chuckled and rolled his eyes slightly, sniffling slightly. His nose was kind of clogged from all the crying and the area around his eyes felt puffy. He wouldn't be surprised if it was red and his eyes were bloodshot. He could feel the dull thud of a headache in the back of his head, but it was easy to ignore. He gave Pietro's hand a soft squeeze, to which he got a similar pressure on his metal hand, the action soft and reassuring, helping Bucky know that it was real, that the life he was in at that moment was solid.

The next thing that Bucky knew, Pietro and Clint vanished. His hand felt weird without Pietro's in it.

"The fuck?"

"Are you actually as dumb as you look or is that just another façade?" Natasha asked him as she sat up in her bed, before nodding towards the seat beside her bed. "Sit."

"I have too many of them to truly know," he said, answering her question as honestly as he could as he sat down. "I thought you didn't like me," he said.

"Da. You remind me of my past, which I do not like," she admitted bluntly, before she turned her gaze on him, quirking a perfect eyebrow up elegantly. "I do not mind any more. I made my peace with it a while ago, thanks to Clint and Coulson. We might have been through similar things, but that just means we can be better in combat; at the moment, however, all we need to do is for you to get your head fixed and then you're back to how you should be. You're tolerable, it is funny to make Steve uneasy when talking Russian," she said, cracking out a beautiful grin that had Bucky smiling too.

"It would be nice to do that again," he said and she chuckled, the sound deep and velvety.

Natasha's smile twitched for barely a second as she shifted in her seat again. "You know the Maximoff boy was pretty torn up about you being taken," she informed him, catching his eye with ease. "Spent a lot of his time in his room or in the gym. It was worrisome, but there wasn't much we could do if Wanda couldn't make him move,"

"Fuck,"

"Him," Natasha advised and Bucky felt like if he had any water, he would have spat it everywhere.

"What?" he asked and Natasha sighed lightly, leaning back against the headboard, arms crossing over her chest.

"Fuck him," she said. "You two clearly like each other in that stupid romantic bullshit, so go ahead and take the first move,"

Bucky slouched back in his chair, fiddling with the plates of his metal arm with his real one. His hair flicked into his face as he looked down and he knew he had to get a haircut soon. He looked over at Natasha and saw her staring at him, eyes analysing and taking him apart.

"You can't."

"No, I can't," he agreed, head bobbing up and down once.

"What else did they do to you?" Natasha asked, frown on her face.

Bucky shook his head and Natasha sighed. "Keeping it in won't do you any good, Barnes,"

"I know. I just ... I can't talk to anyone about it. The last time I talked to someone about my feelings and fucked up head, I got kidnapped and turned Winter Soldier again,"

"But you would talk to Steve about it?"

"Steve is already stressed about everything that's wrong with me, why add on unnecessary risks?"

"What about Pietro? Would you talk to him about it?"

"I don't know. Whenever I talk to him, crap just ends up coming out of my mouth," Bucky admitted. Natasha briefly chewed her lower lip, hardly half a second of the action, but Bucky saw it. "I probably will end up talking to him about it - or rather talking at him about it," Bucky corrected and there was a faint twitch at the ends of her lips in an almost smile. "I mean, that has happened before, about ten minutes ago and I'm sure I've done it before the kidnapping incident." he finished his words off with a shrug. "I don't know, I'm tired and my head's all nine kinds of fucked up,"

"Might actually be a fifty on the out-of-ten scale," Natasha said slyly and Bucky chuckled, shaking his head slightly. "Pietro will let you talk to him. I'm sure that boy would do anything for you; it's almost daunting," she pulled a face as she spoke. "When you think you're capable, you should probably talk to him about it; we're all waiting for something to happen between you both,"

"Thanks," Bucky sighed and leant back in his chair. "Just talkin' 'bout that stuff is weird enough as it is - now talkin' to a fella about it, involvin' that fella as well -"

Natasha cut him off. "Just go and do it whenever you're ready, Barnes. He's been ready for a long time, even by our time, so imagine how long it feels like he's waited for you,"

"Probably a few dozen million lifetimes," Bucky muttered, eyes clouding over as he went into thought. "Whenever he's- I -" Bucky cut off, sighing to himself as he tried and failed to find the words.

"If you're going to talk to anyone, talk to Steve. He's a mess, but cares about you and wants your head screwed on right so talking to him about this kind of stuff could help," Natasha said before she shrugged her shoulder. "Worth a shot, right?"

 

* * *

 

 

"Steve, I'm queer,"

"I know,"

Bucky made a choking noise before he composed himself. "Of course. I mean, you did try and make me talk to him before,"

"So there's a him?"

" _Stevie_ ,"

"Alright, no messing around here," Steve said, holding his hands out on the table in front of him. Bucky sighed and twiddled his fingers together. "So, now that you're here, queer and hopefully not full of existential fear - you talked to Pietro yet?" Steve asked, earning a look from Bucky. "I'm down with the kids," he said and Bucky groaned.

"Say that again and I'll hit you over the head with your shield." Bucky threatened and Steve simply grinned. "No, I haven't talked to Pietro yet. That's why I'm talkin' to you, punk,"

"Jerk," Steve retorted instantly. "Why haven't you talked to him yet?"

"I don't know how," Bucky admitted, eyes avoiding Steve. "I just ... everything's different and you're queer, I'm queer and you're with Stark after making heart eyes at Carter; you spend so much time with Stark now, that I feel like I've just attached myself onto the closest things I could which ended up being Barton and Maximoff. And then when I do attach myself the feelings just fuckin' escalate and I'm just here all confused and shit and don't have a clue how to understand it and whenever I see you, Stark's tongue's usually down your throat and it just makes me feel - I dunno - conflicted? Like I don't know what to do with what I feel when you're flaunting what you feel and what you got,"

"Bucky, you're jealous," Steve said, sounding relatively calm. Bucky frowned as he looked at Steve who had that small sincere smile on his face. If it was anyone else, Bucky would have punched it off. Who was he kidding? He'd punch it off Steve more since it's _Steve_. "You can see me and Stark together and you're jealous - or envious - of the fact I have a partner and you don't, but you probably have those feelings for Pietro to become your partner, you just don't know how to act on them and just keep silent and suffer,"

"You ain't my fuckin' therapist,"

"That reminds me, idiot, have you been going to any of your sessions?"

Bucky snorted, shaking his head. "After the whole fiasco with my psychologist, I don't trust any of them," Bucky said, tilting his head to the left slightly, neck cracking at the movement. "And you ain't gonna make me either," he added, giving Steve a pointed look. "I can cope with a fucked up head when I got you,"

"And I'm the sap," Steve muttered and Bucky kicked him under the table. "Well, since you're not going to your sessions, they won't be able to advise you on how to move forward with your life and make your own choices -"

"Blah, blah, I know that stuff, just the matter of having the ba- nerve to do it," Bucky said and shrugged his shoulder.

Steve gave him a long, hard look before he seemed to give up and slouched back in his chair. Bucky and Natasha had been discharged from their hospital rooms and had gone back to the Tower, both looking tired and battered up. Bucky had then gone and avoided everyone and had hid in his and Steve's floor for a few days. Steve had told him how Pietro was sad and seemed to have very little energy; he felt guilt, of course he did, but he didn't know how to react. He had to think about everything, think about his stability, his mentality, what Natasha said and his Winter Soldier part. "Do it whenever you're ready,"

"What?"

"Tell Pietro how you feel whenever you're ready. Or me and Clint - and maybe Tony - will tell him for you,"

"I just need time to think,"

"I know you do, Buck, but it's hurting Pietro,"

"I know! And I'm sorry I keep doing that, keep fucking him up because I'm the fucking Winter Soldier. I'm a fucking mess and I can't help it if I end up being gone for him and don't want him to get hurt,"

Steve's mouth twitched. "You really love him,"

"Fuck off, Steve,"

"I give it a week,"

"I'm gonna punch you Steve. With the metal fist,"

"I'm pretty sure that metal fist of yours will be busy with Pietro -"

Bucky let out a disgusted yell and pushed his chair back away from the table and stood up, walking away. "Steve, you're fuckin' gross,"

"I'm fuckin' Tony later,"

Bucky let out another disgusted yell before he left the room, wishing Steve would keep his awful mouth shut. He didn't know where to go; he didn't want to go to the gym and Steve would actually kill him if he exercised whilst his wounds were healing. They had found out he had an extensive amount of wounds and Steve had gone mad when he found out and had forced Bucky to keep still or he would have broken all his limbs to stop him from moving. They'd checked him through and patched him up as best he could and told both Steve and Bucky that his form of serum would fix him up fully in about three weeks.

He'd spent about two of those on his and Steve's floor before going and talking to Steve on the fifteenth day.

Bucky decided he didn't particularly want to go to the communal area and face the others, couldn't risk fucking his body up in the gym and didn't want to go back to his floor. He sighed before he made his way to the stairwell and walked. The walk was quiet, peaceful and he didn't see anyone as he walked. It was nice.

The rooftop of Avengers Tower was particularly windy and cold, but he paid it no mind as he shut the door carefully behind him, making sure it didn't slam shut and reverberate throughout the entire Tower. Despite the warming weather, the wind was still cold as fuck on his skin. The sun was exceptionally bright, trying to warm him up as the wind wrapped around him ceaselessly. It was nice, the sun shone over the buildings below the eye sore that was the Avengers Tower, illuminating bright and full of life. It was nice.

He had a few nice moments to himself before he could hear the door opening and closing almost indistinctly behind him. He felt a rush of air behind him and Pietro Maximoff was beside him.

"You are better?" Pietro asked before he frowned. "Or rather trying to cope?"

Bucky chuckled slightly, dipping his head momentarily. "I think I'm doing fine. Had a few weeks to think about things, but I don't know. We'll just find out how fucked up I am the next time H.Y.D.R.A decides to disrupt our lives,"

"We will not let them," Pietro said determinedly. Bucky looked over at him and saw just how tired he looked. The bags under his eyes aged him, his stubble was becoming a more bushy beard and his hair was ruffled. There was something Bucky could see in his eyes, something he wasn't sure he understood or not. His expression was indiscernible. There was a bandage wrapped around his head too, from where he had hit his head on the floor and cracked his skull. Bucky gnawed on his lip momentarily, eyes cascading down to look at the world below. He couldn't help but think that what had happened to Pietro was his fault.

"You wouldn't have to. Not your duty to,"

"But I would want to protect you - or rather try to because you are pretty good at protecting yourself," he said and poked Bucky's left arm as if to show a point.

"How are your wounds?" Bucky asked, eyes on the bandage on his head. Pietro pulled a face.

"Annoying," he answered bluntly. "Most of them I do not think I needed wrapped up. It has been proved before that my healing is faster than anyone else's," he said and shrugged. "But whatever. If it puts Wanda's mind at ease, I do not mind,"

"She's worried?"

"Always worried. She has been like that more so since the Sokovia incident," Pietro told him with ease and Buck looked back over at him to see Pietro looking right back. His stomach did some weird flips. "I do not blame her, I do put stress on her and I do not mean it. It just happens."

"Sounds like me and Stevie,"

"It is weird to hear someone refer to Captain America as Stevie," Pietro said, a small laugh escaping from him. Bucky smiled before it faded. "What is wrong?"

"I'm sorry," Bucky began and Pietro went to protest but Bucky shushed him. "You got hurt trying to save my useless ass and that's happened before. You'll keep getting hurt if you keep trying to do that,"

"Getting hurt is part of the process when you become an Avenger, no?"

"Not like that. Not for me," Bucky said and Pietro sighed, eyes on his face.

"Bucky, you are worth getting hurt for. You are a part of us now, and everyone gets hurt trying to save each other and you are part of that. Why can you not see that?" Pietro asked and Bucky turned away from him.

"Sometimes I think I should just go or something. I cause so much pain to Steve and everyone else. I remind him of his past, of the fact I fell -" he fisted his left hand, jaw clenched for a moment or two.  "- I'm just a reminder of what his life could have been like if he hadn't hit the ice and if I hadn't fell,"

"He has made his peace with that, Bucky," Pietro told him, voice surprisingly soft, words slow and steady. "You do not burden him like that. He has accepted his life here and wants you to be a part of it. So what if you remind him of what could have been? He is thankful to have you now and have what he has now,"

"Shut up,"

"You are like a brother to him -"

"Shut up. You haven't seen the shit I caused, when I was all Winter Soldier,"

Pietro sighed and Bucky saw him run his hands through his hair, pushing it backwards, knocking his bandage to reveal several stitches across his temple. Bucky looked away when he readjusted the bandages. "I am trying to tell you that you are forgiven! For everything that you did, for everything that was taken out of your control - whatever. Steve loves you and forgives you and so has everyone else. We all just want you safe and unhurt. I want you to be safe, to not fear of The Winter Soldier making an appearance. You are stronger than you think Bucky,"

"Really doesn't feel it when I know that you'd all be better off if I died during the ex-" Bucky stopped talking when Pietro yanked him forward and pressed their mouths together, noses knocked together before Pietro tilted his head. Bucky's brain had rather conveniently stopped thinking, eyes fluttering shut. He could feel Pietro's hands on his t-shirt that had once belonged to Steve. He wondered what he was supposed to do before his hands moved of their own accords and placed themselves on Pietro's hips.

"Ti durak!" Pietro hissed when he pulled himself away from Bucky, shifting his hand so it could be placed on the back of Bucky's neck as he knocked his forehead against Bucky's, breathing hard. "That is a fucking lie," he snapped, eyes squeezed shut as he sucked in a breath. "Steve would be a wreck if you were dead. I would not be better off if you died. Ti durak!" he repeated, and Bucky realised how much Pietro was shaking. Pietro let out an unsteady breath and blinked infrequently before speaking again. "I am sorry, I should not have kissed you without your consent - both times," he said, voice uneven.

Bucky shut his eyes after he put his hands on Pietro's face and kissed him firmly on his mouth. He pulled away after a moment and kissed his forehead. "You can do it again if you want," he murmured and Pietro made a laughing noise before he pulled Bucky as close as he could, giving Bucky an open-mouthed kiss. The wind was wicked against their faces, flicking their hair against their shut eyes, against their cheeks, but they paid it no mind, simply revelling in the intimacy, all terrifying and close and warm and right. Pietro kept kissing him in short, quick bursts, seeming to be unable to stop, not that Bucky minded. He clung onto Pietro tightly, hand placed in his hair, fingers winding the curls over and over again. Bucky's nose bumped Pietro's when he tilted his head in the other direction and both men let out little breathy laughs, smiles firmly in place. Bucky felt Pietro's fingers on his jaw, feeling at the stubble there.

Holy _shit_ he was kissing Pietro.

There was a loud banging noise and he tensed up, freezing in his spot. Pietro pulled away from him and looked over Bucky's shoulder and groaned. "It's Barton."

Bucky groaned.

"Oh, don't mind me, I'm simply wanting to find my nest," Clint called over the howling wind. "Go back to your boyfriend shit," he said and Bucky sighed, resting his head on Pietro's shoulder.

Another banging sound of the door opening and Pietro let out a frustrated Russian curse.

"Is it Stark?" Bucky asked, unmoving. Pietro nodded, speaking his answer in Bucky's ear. Bucky let out a noise of annoyance.

"Fuck," Pietro said under his breath.

"Fuck," Bucky repeated.

"Wait, are Speedy and Terminator together yet?" Tony asked.

"Yep!" Clint answered.

"Clint!" Bucky and Pietro said in tandem, earning weird laughter from Tony and Clint.

"You didn't see that coming!" Clint yelled and Bucky turned around in time to see him jump off the side of the building.

"He had his bow, right?" Tony asked. "With the rappelling arrows?"

"Do not look at me, I do not know," Pietro said, arm shifting on Bucky's back.

To answer Tony's question, an arrow landed on the air vent, rope attached to it.

"What the fuck is Clint Barton?" Pietro asked and Bucky snorted.

"I don't know," Bucky answered, feeling better than he had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit where credit is due: Natasha's shoot me again, best pray I'm dead quote is from The Walking Dead way back in season 2.  
> I don't feel like I did the whole togetherness justice, but what can you do?


	14. Struggles of an assassin

He should've seen it coming, really. It had happened before.

The images were blurring in his mind, mixing and confusing him.

So when he woke up and was confused as to where he was, he really should have realised it would happen. His blankets were wrapped around him, feeling like they were suffocating him, trapping him. He kicked out, feeling like he was under water. His head was aching, like it was in more than two mind sets. Bucky wasn't sure what was happening, he felt emotionless, blank and like a shell. But he also felt so full of regret, sorrow and some other emotions that were a whirlwind in his mind.

What was happening?

He kicked off the covers, shuffling away until his back hit his headboard and he could hear some noises, but he wasn't sure what the sounds were. His breath kept getting caught in his throat and he felt confined.

"Bucky!"

His head was hurting and his hands were locked in his hair, left hand gripping far too tightly, like it was going to crush his skull -

Pietro was in his field of view, lifting his head up so he could look at the white haired man. He could see Pietro talking, his mouth was moving, slow and continuous. He couldn't catch on to what he was saying; he couldn't hear him either. Bucky pulled away from him, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, so hard spots appeared in the darkness. A hand went over his left one. He could feel the pressure of it and let out a shaky breath. Another hand joined it and he felt them easing his metal one from his head, fingers moving deftly over his metal ones. There were deep sounding vibrations and he guessed it was Pietro talking.

How did he know Pietro? He was The Winter Soldier - no. Was he? Wasn't he Bucky Barnes?

Whoever he was, he tried to concentrate on the deep sounds coming from Pietro. He knew him somehow, so had to try and hang onto that. Whatever person he had known Pietro from, he had to hold onto that; he knew that was him, the real him.

"... Wanda thinks I prank Clinton too much," Pietro was saying and Bucky frowned, eyebrows knitting together. He blinked his eyes open and tried to find Pietro, He saw the strange blurry lump that had white at the top of it. Pietro. "I think Clint is jealous. I do not blame him; I am me after all,"

Why was he talking to him again? He wasn't sure.

"I think that he should just get over it; we are like family. And I am better looking; he should know this," Pietro was saying, shrugging his shoulders. He felt Pietro's fingers on his chest, drawing a line as he breathed. Oh. Pietro was still talking, reverting to his native tongue at points, something about it familiar and comfortable for him, the Asset - no, _Bucky_.

Something in his head tried to clear itself and he could think again.

He realised he was still making incoherent noises, whines of pain and anguish. His entire body was shaking and he could feel the cold sweat that covered his entire body. He lowered his gaze when he properly came to, feeling something like embarrassment creeping up him. He could feel Pietro's hands on him, palm on his chest, over his heart, whilst the other was on his shoulder, rubbing at where the metal and flesh connected.

"Bucky?"

"I thought ... I thought I was him," Bucky admitted quietly, eyes bright as he stared ahead of him, purposely not looking at Pietro.

"Winter Soldier?" Pietro asked, voice soft. Bucky nodded and Pietro made a noise in the back of his throat before he readjusted his sitting arrangements on the bed, half crossing his legs as he nudged closer to Bucky.

They had something between them; that much was obvious. They had shared those kisses on the rooftop (earnt a few wolf whistles and teasing from the others later on), but they had never acknowledged what it was between them. Sure, they had intimate touches here and there, ghosting kisses upon each other's mouths late at night when everyone was asleep. Neither had actually spoken about it, confirmed or denied anything. It was strangely conflicting.

"How long was I screaming like that?" Bucky asked, repeating his own name in his head, trying to reassure himself that he was indeed Bucky Barnes.

Pietro sighed and rested his forehead against the cool metal of his shoulder. "About an hour," he said, then rubbed Bucky's back. "Steve wanted to come and help. I told him it is not good idea,"

"This isn't a good idea," Bucky muttered, making Pietro frown.

"I do not understand," he said, fingers leaving a trail of something like electricity on Bucky's back. He had to try and calm down; he couldn't risk anything. "Bucky?"

Bucky stressed his lower lip between his teeth slightly and Pietro moved into his peripheral vision. "I don't think we're a good idea. I'm unstable, I go Winter Solider a lot and I don't want you to get hurt because of me," he said, trying to keep his voice even. "The only people who can hold me down are Thor and Steve and even then Steve struggles and Thor comes and goes. I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me - don't want you to get hurt," Bucky rambled and Pietro leant over and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm so fucked up in my head, it's like - I don't know - barbed wire and bombs. I don't want any of you to get hurt just because upstairs has gone to shit."

"Durak," Pietro muttered, moving his hand from Bucky's chest to his cheek, turning his head towards him as he continued to press kisses to Bucky's face. "You really are an idiot. More so than Barton and _that_ is saying something,"

"Clint's smarter than you think," Bucky said, shutting his eyes, leaning into Pietro's touch, clutching at his arm tightly, blinking harshly.

"Maybe so, but you are being stupid," Pietro scolded and sighed. "Bucky. You will not hurt me or any of us. We are capable of looking after ourselves and can hold you down if you cannot control it when you go all Winter Soldier. We will talk you back to reality if you ever lapse in control," Pietro said, kissing the corner of his mouth. "Do you believe me?" Bucky nodded and the two of them let out uneven breaths, bodies shaking. "Wanda can help if you would like. Can try and salvage your mind," Pietro offered and Bucky made a noise and he left it at that.

They sat together in silence, bodies like furnaces as they clung onto each other. Bucky could feel Pietro's body shaking against him and soon enough, Pietro had been pulled onto his thighs, Bucky's arms around him loosely as they held onto each other like they were each other's lifeboats. Pietro buried his face in Bucky's shaggy hair, murmuring almost incoherently in his native tongue, his words soothing and washed over Bucky.

"Pietro?"

"Da?"

"We're a thing, right?"

"If that is what you want, yes,"

"Yeah, it is,"

"Then, we are a thing." Pietro said and kissed the top of Bucky's head.

Bucky bit his lip a little before he tilted his head back slightly and pulled Pietro down and pressed their mouths together. Pietro shifted slightly, moving his legs to both sides of Bucky's hips, trying to keep their movements soft and slow. Bucky gave him credit for trying. His mouth pressed against Bucky's quickly, continuously, seeming to be unable to stop his actions. Pietro's hand found its way into his hair, finding a home as he tugged gently. Bucky let out a noise in the back of his throat, the sound making the ends of Pietro's lips turn up slightly.

And then, of course, Bucky turned them over. Pietro ended up underneath him, legs going around Bucky's waist. Bucky's metal arm took most of his weight, forehead against Pietro's as his other hand trailed down Pietro's chest. He could almost feel the way Pietro's heart hammered away against his sternum. He could definitely feel Pietro's body shaking against his as he continued to pepper kisses over his face. He felt Pietro catch his lower lip between his, pulled him closer to him, wrapping his arms around him as tightly as he could. When Bucky slid his hand down to start to palm artlessly at the front of Pietro's sweatpants, he felt himself grinning at the noises Pietro made and how his body reacted. Pietro let out a soft moan and kissed Bucky hard, holding him close to him.

"You - sure?" Pietro said, sounding slightly out of breath. Bucky hummed his consent, nodding. Pietro leaned up and pressed an open mouthed kiss on Bucky's mouth, breath mingling together as they both sighed somewhat happily, relishing in the intimacy they had finally started to experiment with -

"Buck - oh, _shit_ , fuck!"

"Steve you fuckin' asshole!" Bucky hollered, staring at the doorway as the door was slammed shut just as quickly as it was opened. He let out a string of curses in a mix of languages before he sighed and rested his forehead against Pietro's. He could feel Pietro's hot breath against his cheek. "Fuckin' dick."

"Should have known that would happen," Pietro murmured, hand moving up to stroke Bucky's hair. "He was worried about you and we had been quiet for a while -"

"Probably thought I'd killed you,"

Pietro snorted, "I am too fast for you to kill me."

"I don't want to find out," Bucky said, realising his libido had vanished as quickly as it had been born. He cleared his throat before he kissed Pietro's forehead and turned and laid beside him. Pietro turned onto his side and reached out and took Bucky's hand in his, fingers twisting over his own, thumb rubbing the back of his hand.

"We will not find out," said Pietro firmly, that look in his eyes that always left Bucky feeling amazed.

 _This is my boyfriend,_ Bucky thinks absently, hardly noticing how strange it was to refer to someone as his boyfriend with as fond of a tone. Steve never had any of that shit. Speaking of Steve:

"You two aren't silently fucking, are you?" Steve asked, voice muffled by the large door.

"You wish," Pietro called back in lieu of Bucky answering. Pietro sat up, back against the headboard and Bucky moved on instinct, much to both of their surprises as he curled up in Pietro's lap, eyes fluttering shut.

"You're fully clothed aren't you?"

"Yes,"

Steve appeared in the open doorway, face tinged an amusing pink that Bucky was glad was on his face. Stupid punk deserved it. Bucky raised his metal arm, middle finger up in the air.

"I wasn't interrupting was I?" Steve asked, amusement laced in his words and Bucky muttered something in Russian that was probably a curse. "I just wanted to see how you were, Buck; Tony has a distress call in Jarvis for night terrors. Pietro got here before I did,"

Bucky lifted his head up to look up at Steve and stuck his tongue out at him childishly. "I'm fine now. Just had a moment,"

Steve raised his eyebrow, just enough. "A moment? Bucky, you were screaming for about two hours." Steve said and Bucky tried to hide his surprise. He sat up and looked at Pietro who gave him a sad smile. "I'll see you in the morning, Buck." Steve said and the audible click of the door shutting seemed to echo in the room.

Bucky stared at Pietro, feeling something like amazement and overwhelming awe towards Pietro, who had lowered his head, watching their fingers intertwine. "You," Bucky began, feeling a lump in his throat, "you waited with me, for two hours?" he asked, remembering Pietro saying it had only been one. How long had it felt like for him? How long did it take him to calm down, after he stopped screaming? He knew that he had been making whimpering noises for a while, but how long he didn't know.

"You needed help. I did not want you to suffer. I wanted to make sure you would come back to me and would not be trapped in your mind." Pietro said and Bucky pointedly didn't notice the colour rising in Pietro's cheeks. Bucky slipped a hand onto the back of Pietro's neck and pulled him forward and pressed their mouths together firmly, relishing in the fact that Pietro was _too good_.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bucky tackled Steve to the floor, forcing his arms behind his back, foot pressed in the small of Steve's back, forcing him to stay still. Steve kicked out on the mat three times and Bucky let him go, wiping the sweat from his brow as his chest heaved. Steve scrambled to his feet, giving Bucky a look of betrayal as he too wiped at his brow, licking his lips.

"Cheat,"

"You said to not go easy on ya," Bucky told him, feeling a grin try and make its way onto his face. Steve rolled his eyes and leaned down to grab his water bottle and took a quick swig.

"So," he said between mouthfuls of water. "you and Pietro doing good?"

"Yeah," Bucky said with a jerk of his head as he thought about all the things he and Pietro had done. Which mainly consisted of kissing and mild groping. They hadn't tried anything except from that one time when Steve had barged in and killed their libidos.  "Why? Need advice for you and Stark?"

"You're fuckin' hilarious," Steve deadpanned and Bucky smirked. "Me and Tony are good, for now. Not had a rough patch in a while,"

"Don't jinx it," Bucky said as Steve dropped his bottle on the floor and made to stand in front of Bucky again, arms raised. "Ready?"

"Yes."

The two made to punch, kick and generally attack each other, grabbing at each other to try and knock each other down onto the mat and be victorious. For a few mere minutes, the two just tried to knock each other down, the only noises their breathing and the sounds of their feet against the mat.

"You going - to take up Wanda's offer?" Steve panted out, ducking when Bucky went to punch him in the neck. He countered his attack by grabbing Bucky's wrist and flung him over his shoulder, dodging the way Bucky tried to kick his feet out from under him when he landed the flip.

Bucky managed to shrug in lieu of answering before Steve tried to kick him in the stomach. "Probably."

Steve smirked to himself. "Pietro going to be with you? Hold your hand?"

"Steve, do you want me to break yours?" Bucky asked as he wrapped his legs around Steve's middle and flipped them both around, Steve landing on his front as Bucky straddled him, forcing him down with his knees as he held Steve's arms behind his back again. "I could break all four of your limbs now and break your neck. Boom, you're dead. Bye-bye Captain America."

"So I need to figure out how to fight my best friend. Great," Steve said and Bucky felt the mood immediately deplete. He sighed to himself before he got off Steve and walked off to his gear and grabbed it before he left. He didn't think he could be able to deal with Steve being melodramatic like that.

Sure, he was The Winter Soldier. That had become a part of who Bucky Barnes was. He could never be the old Bucky Barnes; not after everything he had been through. Bucky knew Steve still had some stupid expectations of him, that he would become who he used to be. He wondered when Steve would realise that that would never happen; that this is what he was now and there was no going back to how things used to be.

He dropped his stuff off on his floor that had just begun to head to his floor. Steve no longer stayed with him, instead choosing to stay in Tony's penthouse. Bucky had felt the loneliness and it hit him like a punch to the gut. For a while, he had contemplated asking Pietro to stay on his floor with him, but had penultimately decided against it; Pietro stayed with Wanda and he didn't want to separate the two, not after everything they had been through. At one point he had thought of offering to Clint to stay with him but had decided against it too as he knew he would probably kill Clint out of sheer annoyance. Besides, Clint was human and broke a lot easier than the others; he didn't want to risk killing him if Clint tried to get him out of his Winter Soldier mind set.

"Penny for your thought?" Came the voice of Natasha Romanov. He turned on his heel to see her leaning against the wall, eyebrows arched just enough to show her curiosity. "You're looking too much like Clint."

"How so?"

"You look constipated,"

Bucky grimaced. "How would you know he's -?"

"Call it a figure of speech. Clint pulls faces exactly like that and I often say it makes him look constipated," she said with an unsurprisingly elegant shrug of her shoulders. "You two are more alike than you'd think. I would say it is almost daunting, but I don't think it is - not really,"

"How are we similar?"

"Well, you're both old," Natasha said, earning a snort from Bucky. "You both got brainwashed, both snipers, both care about the twins, albeit your care towards Pietro is much more romantic. You're both probably capable of killing me."

"Clint Barton could kill Natasha Romanov?"

Natasha shrugged. "He's capable of a lot more than you'd think. Besides, he knows everything about me, not that difficult to find my weakest areas and take a stab at them. But Clint's a good man - another similarity - and won't do it. You won't because we are both capable of killing each other. Too evenly matched,"

"I know we are," Bucky said, watching as she fiddled with the knife she had in her hands. "You could probably kill everyone here and we'd never see it coming,"

"I think it is safe to say that all of us are all capable of doing that," Natasha said and tipped her head slightly. "Wanda is the most powerful out of us. Her brother is so fast he could hit us like a bullet and kill us instantly on impact. Tony has his suits and his brain and could find a way to kill us all with his technology. Clint has his arrows and uncanny ability to find your weakest spots, all it would take is a delicate jab and we could come falling down. Sam has his ways and can use a good façade to probably manipulate us and end up killing us. Thor is a god and can just hit us with thunder or his hammer. Steve has his Captain America façade and we all think he is some innocent golden retriever. Except from you; you'd probably not believe it since you know him better than you know yourself."

Bucky made a noise as he shifted his weight from each foot. "And what about us?"

"We're both too smart to show exactly what we are capable of. We could take them all down using a paperclip if the opportunity ever arises. But none of us would do any of that because we're somewhat good people. Some maybe more than others, but we're still all good."

"And me and you are? After the things we did, the people we did those things for?"

"That's for the two of us to conclude. Am I still an angel after the Black Widow course I endured? Are you still good after killing all those people, being The Winter Soldier, killing Tony's parents?" Natasha asked and noticed the way he bit at his lip, barely for a second, but it still happened. "Tony came to peace with it, realised it really wasn't you. Pietro would not be with you the way he is if he thought you were a bad guy -"

Bucky shushed her, earning a reproachful look from him and he muttered an apology. "I just ... I don't know everything about me, like you said I know more about Steve than I do myself. There could be worse things I could have done and no-one would know it,"

"Until that has been found out, we will remain blissfully ignorant about it and see you as a good man."

"You're a strange one, Natasha Romanov."

"I could say the same about you, Bucky Barnes." she said before she pushed herself from the wall and walked away, leaving Bucky with his thoughts.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bucky woke up to a knocking on his bedroom door.

"Fuck off,"

"Rude."

Ah, Pietro.

"Fuck off," Bucky repeated and he heard Pietro's laughter as he said something incoherent to either Bucky himself or someone that was with Pietro.

"I hope you are decent," Pietro said before Bucky heard the door opening.

He looked up and there was a blue blur and then Pietro was sat beside him, taking a bite out of some Twinkie. He gave Bucky a large grin, cheeks puffed up all full of Twinkie and Bucky had to force himself to not smack Pietro's cheeks.

"What?"

"We are going to help you," Pietro said, nodding his head towards the doorway. Bucky sighed to himself before he sat up and saw Wanda standing there, looking oddly like a typical angel. Bucky glanced over at Pietro who was looking right back at him. "Well, Wanda will be helping you because she has the powers and not me,"

"Right," Bucky said as he leant back against the headboard, wiping his hair out of his eyes. It was too long.

Wanda looked concerned. "I do not have to do it if you do not want me to,"

Bucky smiled and shook his head. "It's OK, go ahead," he said. "Just ... go easy?" he asked and Wanda gave him a smile but nodded as she walked further into the bedroom and sat beside him. "Does Steve know you're doing this?"

"He almost cried on Wanda when she said she would." Pietro told him and Bucky felt a tired smile tug at the corners of his mouth. "He is a very emotional soul. It was sort of terrifying."

Bucky jabbed Pietro in the ribs before he took hold of Pietro's hand and looked at Wanda.

"If you need me to stop, tell me and I will." Wanda said, voice firm. Bucky nodded again and felt Pietro move and his arm was around Bucky's shoulders.

His mind went blank and he could feel and see the red. It was sort of calming. He could feel it as Wanda's presence, calming, warm and kind. Bucky could feel the barbed wire wrapped around his mind, which was all broken and jarred. Wanda got to the first part, the beginning of where the wire began. It felt like her soft gentle hands, that tried to tenderly pull the beginning of the wire away.

The red immediately vanished and he was heaving, feeling cold sweat covering his body.

"Bathroom -" he managed before he was in front of the toilet and he threw up whatever contents he had in his stomach into the toilet bowl.

Pietro was murmuring something to him as he rubbed Bucky's back, his fingers holding Bucky's hair out of his face. He continued to dry heave for a moment or two before he decided that he wouldn't actually throw up any more and moved to lean back against the bathtub. He saw Pietro get up and he returned to his side barely a second later with a glass of water and some Advil. Bucky grunted his thanks before he took both and swallowed the tablets in a few gulps of water.

Bucky was still sweating and was feeling gross, mentally thanking his lucky stars when Pietro held out a towel for him.

"I take it your head is a lot messier than she anticipated?"

"Nyet. I - uh - she tried to start and it obviously didn't react well. I think H.Y.D.R.A made it deep and made it a lot harder to fix," Bucky said with a shrug of his shoulders. He dabbed the towel against his face again, trying to get the gross feeling of the sweat off him.

Pietro sighed from beside him. "We can try again tomorrow." he said and Bucky nodded before he laid his head on Pietro's shoulder, shutting his eyes.

And so they did.

Each morning, about an hour after they had woken up they would go to Bucky's floor and would prepare. Wanda would try and ease this barbed wire from Bucky's mind and each time, Bucky would be left shivering, curled up trying to protected himself whilst Pietro would be murmuring in Russian, rubbing his back or wherever he could reach that didn't hurt Bucky.

The pain in his head was always as bad as it was previously. No matter what Wanda tried, his head would still hurt and he would be left feeling like there was glass in his brain, the shards stabbing mercilessly whenever he tried to form a thought or do a simple task. The pain would ease away after a while, where he would just sit there blankly, tears rolling down endlessly.

And yet Pietro would be there for him through all of it.

It was a weird concept for Bucky; having someone who wasn't Steve there for him, doing the protecting instead of Bucky. Yes, it was a weird concept. The way Pietro would talk him back to reality, let him cry silently on him as the pain coursed through him or as new things were revealed to him.

More often than not, Wanda would look a little teared up and sorry. Bucky could feel pity for her; having to see just how much shit he had to go through and now she was trying to fix him. He'd tell her that he wouldn't blame her if she stopped, but then she would simply put on this face, all determined and strong despite the tears in her eyes and promised him she would not give up on him.

It was a weird concept.

"What are you thinking about?" Pietro asked.

It had been several weeks since they had first started and Bucky had felt like they had finally made progress. He felt proud.

He shrugged in response, turning his head to look at the silver haired man next to him. "Just stuff," he answered. Pietro lifted his hand and ran his fingers through Bucky's hair, eyes locked on Bucky's. Bucky leaned his head into the touch, relishing in it. Pietro shifted closer and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, stubble tickling his face. Bucky wrapped his arms around him, one hand on the back of his neck and the metal one going down to his back, lifting Pietro on top of him.

Pietro smiled a little, shifting his legs to either side of Bucky's hips, leaning his weight on his arm beside Bucky's head. "What are you thinking about?"

"You, now," Bucky said with a grin and Pietro smiled, shaking his head before he rested it against Bucky's.

"You are a sap,"

"A sap, huh?"

"Da. The sappiest of all saps,"

"And you're runner up?"

Pietro raised an eyebrow. "Was that a pun?" he asked before kissing Bucky.

"Unintentional," Bucky admitted against Pietro's mouth. He felt Pietro grin before reinforcing the kiss, pressing their bodies close.

Being with Pietro was a nice kind of weird for Bucky. It was different, nice and gave him something he knew he had never had before. Holding him close when they would sit together or lay down in bed, it was nice. _Beyond_ nice. He lived for those moments, where he would be able to pull him close, press a soft kiss to the corner of the speedster's mouth, see the colour rising in his cheeks. He liked it when he and Pietro would be sat side by side, the others all around them and Pietro would slip his hand in Bucky's. He would usually hold the metal one, letting Bucky feel the pressure of his hand and let the metal take his body heat.

He could remember when Pietro had first found out that the metal took Bucky's body heat. Pietro had proceeded to practically wrap himself around the arm, allowing the damn thing to take his body heat. He had complained that he would be too warm from all the pent up energy that buzzed inside him. Bucky had called him a monkey and Pietro had simply told him to shut up, face squished up against the metal of his shoulder.

There were the times when they would be alone too. Where they would end up peppering each other in kisses, laughing quietly to themselves as they tried to pry each other's clothes from their bodies, leaving them in their underwear just laughing and kissing. Those moments were bliss and dear to Bucky, made him smile whenever he remembered them.

He liked it when he would wake up and there was Pietro, clinging to him like some kind of monkey again. Those moments happened a few times a week. Pietro would stay with him for a few days a week and would end up staying with Wanda the other few days, keeping Bucky company and helped him whenever he was having one of his bad days, where he would be uncertain of things.

Pietro was surprisingly patient, something Bucky had not really expected. But whenever he thought about it, Pietro must have learnt to be patient, to put up with how the world was so much more slower than him. Bucky felt glad that Pietro could do that, do that for him.

And it made him fall deeper for Pietro all over again. It was terrifying, but Bucky couldn't help but love every single second of it. 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Bucky?"

Bucky made an incoherent noise, rubbing Pietro's bare back, drawing little circles with his finger.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I don't know. Nothing good," Bucky admitted. Pietro raised his head from its spot on Bucky's chest, eyes looking at him imploringly. "I just ... there's things I have done,"

"We have all done things. Most things you have done were things you could not control -"

Bucky shook his head and Pietro stopped talking, casting his eyes down. "I just - I don't know,"

Pietro sighed and pressed a kiss to Bucky's chest, cheek pressed against his sternum. "You can always talk to me about it. I do not mind you telling me."

"It's just ... I can remember more things that I did as The Winter Soldier. I can remember holding - holding people's insides. Just there, in my hands. I can remember how warm it was in my real one and the pressure and feel of it in the metal one," Bucky stopped and breathing in deeply, trying to keep himself calm. Pietro could feel him shaking. "I can feel their blood on my face. Like it's there right now, even though it isn't. I can see the memories play out in front of me, see what I did exactly, how I killed them."

"That was not you." Pietro said quietly.

"Shut up, I was the one that did it. It might not have been the real me, but what did it is still a part of me. I still killed all those people because I could not fight back, couldn't fight what H.Y.D.R.A had done to me ..."

Pietro shifted off him and sat up, pulling him up with him. He moved back and sat in Bucky's lap, putting his hands on Bucky's cheeks. He stared Bucky in the eyes, eyes searching for something and Bucky wasn't too sure what. His eyes fluttered shut for a few seconds when Pietro kissed him firmly, slightly open mouthed but perfect nonetheless.

"I do not think any less of you because you could not do something that is impossible. What they did to you was horrible and others would have fallen just like you did. I do not think any of us would have been able to hold out for as long as you did. I am sure we would have fallen long before when you did."

"How can you stand to be near me?" Bucky asked, voice quiet and trembling.

"Because I am able to see every part of you and still love you despite the bad. I can see that there is the bad in you, but there is also the good. I can stand to be near you, as you so put it, because I can see you moving past all this bad and being able to stand up and move on from it and become a better person because of your experiences because you were able to accept the darker sides of you and that is much more than what anyone else could ever do."

Bucky bit his lip before he kissed Pietro, hard and quick and unstoppably. Pietro responded to it as quickly as Bucky had started it, his hands gripping Bucky's shoulders.

"Bucky?" Pietro asked between kisses as Bucky pressed him down against the bed, mouth pressed against Pietro's, eyes shut tight.

"You are -" Bucky stopped talking and kissed him again, seeming to be unable to stop. Pietro didn't mind (he loved the feel of Bucky's mouth). "- the best. You know that right?" Bucky rested his forehead against Pietro's, breathing hard. Pietro made a noise like a laugh in the back of his throat. "You better, jerk." Bucky said before he kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies about the delay in updates, I've been in a bad state recently.  
> Also I have purposely been capitalising the 'The' in the winter soldier for emphasis of TWS's power and control he can have.  
> Your comments, as always, are lovely to read and I enjoy your feedback greatly.


	15. Bucky can't catch a break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got the tags for it, but just a heads up/trigger warning that there's sexual assault in this chapter. Please don't read this if it will upset you.

"Hey, Bucky, you should take Pietro on a date."

Bucky choked on his food, giving Clint his infamous Winter Soldier death stare.

"What?"

"Take the kid on a date," Clint said with a shrug, scratching behind Lucky's ears fondly. "God knows the kid would love it. And you need to get out of the Tower; you've been inside ever since you came back and that's not healthy." Clint told him.

Bucky simply stared at him. Clint blinked.

"Bucky the kid really does like you and couples go on dates and stuff," Clint said before waving at someone behind Bucky. Bucky turned to look over his shoulder, seeing Steve walking into the communal area.

"You do know Tony will kill you if he sees Lucky," Steve warned as he sat beside Bucky.

Clint rolled his eyes at Steve as he took his seat beside Bucky. "Are you kidding? He loved Lucky. Besides, Lucky's our mascot."

Steve rolled his eyes and Bucky smiled, trying not to do the same with his own. "Ah, of course, my mistake," Steve said and Clint shot him a look. Steve simply grinned at him.

"You're lucky Lucky likes you or he'd be on you like a - a -"

"Like a dog?" Bucky supplied and Clint flipped him the bird. "Anyway, why should I have to do that?"

"Because you're the stereotypical butch person in the relationship and he's the cocky dickhead who's apparently secretly really nice." Clint said with a shrug of his shoulders. Lucky let out a bark that Bucky pointedly ignored. He was not going to acknowledge that the dog basically agreed with Clint.

Bucky sighed and leant back against the sofa, kicking his legs up onto the sofa Clint was sitting on. "If he wanted to go on a date, he would ask me," Bucky said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Bucky can we go on a date?"

Bucky jumped a fucking mile.

Steve and Clint were crying from laughter. Jerks.

"Don't do that," Bucky said as Pietro sat on the sofa arm beside Bucky, looking rather nice in his not-totally-borrowed clothes that were actually Bucky's. Pietro simply smiled at him. Clint pointed at him, looking between Pietro and Bucky.

"There, he said it - now go on some stupidly cute romantic date." he said and Bucky rolled his eyes at him.

"Why don't you go fuck yourself?"

"I would if I could." Clint answered and both Bucky and Pietro grimaced as Steve chuckled quietly beside Bucky, keeping his eyes on Lucky who had his head resting on Steve's knee, looking far too happy with the attention he was being given by Steve.

Pietro slid from the sofa arm to sit on Bucky's lap. Clint grinned at them. "Say it, I dare you." Bucky said and Clint's grin simply widened but he said nothing. Maybe he did have some self preservation.

Pietro turned to look at Bucky. "Are we?"

"Are we what?" Bucky asked dumbly. Pietro rolled his eyes and just looked at him. Bucky saw Clint and Steve get up and leave, Lucky following after them, wagging his tail happily.

Oh they definitely did that on purpose. The jerks.

"Going on a date?" Pietro asked as he shifted so that the two of them could be comfortable.

Bucky shrugged. "I dunno about going out for a date, but the most I can do for now is a movie night and popcorn?"

Pietro smiled at him, like it was the best thing Bucky had ever said to him. "That sounds great." he said before he kissed Bucky's forehead. "When can we do that?"

"Now if you want?" Bucky asked and tried to ignore the swell in his heart when he saw Pietro's face light up.

Oh, he was so gone for Pietro it was almost hilarious.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The two of them watched almost the entirety of the Star Wars franchise together on their first little movie date. They had ate popcorn and drunk different kinds of sodas that Pietro had not totally stolen from Clint's super secret stash. It had been fun and comfortable. They had been able to tangle themselves up in each other, watching the films as they clung onto each other. There were tough times when it felt like Bucky was going to revert into a shell of himself about midway through the date, but thankfully, Pietro knew what the fuck he was doing.

So it was fairly successful overall.

And then they had a few more dates after that.

Some were movie dates, other times they had kicked the others out of the communal area and had actual 'proper' ones which just consisted of trying to cook, failing, and ordering pizza. Part way through, Lucky would find his way in on those dates and would end up taking half of a pizza. At least they bought enough pizzas to feed themselves so that they were able to give Lucky a slice (or five).

Those ones were always pretty nice, ended up with them being well fed and happy.

Other times they would be together in the gym. The others (Tony and Steve especially) were surprised at that, and how they counted those times as dates. They just did. (Even if Tony was adamant that they shouldn't count.)

In between those dates were of course missions. Pietro would have to leave, sometimes with the rest of the Avengers, other times he would have to go with just his sister or with Clint. It was surprising how well Clint and Pietro worked in the field. They would crack jokes together and generally have a laugh, but when it came to the serious side of things, they would stop and work so damn well it would put Bucky and Steve's work to shame.

Pietro never failed to impress Bucky.

After these missions when Pietro would return - whether it took a few hours, a few days or a few weeks - he would end up walking into Bucky's arms and falling asleep right then and there. The others, of course, found this fucking hilarious. And when Pietro did this the first time, Bucky's face had quite accurately resembled a tomato. It was impressive. The second time round, Bucky simply lifted him up in his arms and carried him back to their floor (when did it become their floor?) and ignored the noises the others made when they saw this.

So when Bucky was cleared to be able to go back on missions, and go outside, the two of them wanted to take this opportunity to have an actual date - as Tony said - and go outside.

Of course, as soon as he was cleared, he was sent on a month long mission. It had been hard. He had been used to Pietro going off on his missions, but hadn't felt the ache until he had to do the same.

Bucky found himself feeling glad it was him going on those missions and not Pietro.

His mission had been with Steve, naturally, and he had an endless amount of teasing from Steve, which he had fully expected. Steve had ended up shutting up real quick when Bucky mentioned Tony. That had been hilarious.

Bucky ended up missing those dates he and Pietro would go on, more than he would admit. So when the mission was finally done and he could go back home, he almost failed at hiding his excitement. Maybe for once Steve kept his mouth shut. Or he was feeling the exact same way. When they had finally returned, Tony and Pietro had been waiting there on the helipad, talking to each other and looking relatively OK. The jet had barely managed to settle before Bucky had been up and out of it. Pietro had been there instantly and Bucky was clinging onto him so hard he hardly realised how much Pietro meant to him.

He was so gone for Pietro it was pitiful.

 

* * *

 

 

"Bucky?"

Bucky blinked several times, looking over to where Pietro was, his voice having been strangely quiet and calm. "What?" he mumbled out, rubbing at his eyes with his metal fingers, the coldness jarring on his skin.

Pietro helped him sit up, wrapping his arm around his shaking body. Bucky didn't even realise. His head lolled to the side, and Pietro put his hand on his cheek, fingers rough but soft against his stubbled cheek. "You are OK. You are with me," Pietro said. Bucky nodded, arms reaching around Pietro to cling onto him, the images flashing in his mind aching. Pietro moved his hand down to the metal on Bucky's shoulder, massaging where the metal met his skin.

The heat around the area was painful, like the arm was sucking it out of him, creating the pain. Bucky made a noise in the back of his throat when Pietro begun to massage the area and Pietro tried to shrug off how that made him feel.

"What happened?" Pietro asked quietly. The two had spent five minutes in silence, Bucky making little whining noises as Pietro continued to caress the pained area. Bucky ignored his question, instead he lifted Pietro into his lap and pressed a kiss to the silver haired man's neck, nose grazing the stubble that had begun to grow there. Pietro draped his arms over him, letting him reach his senses properly. He leant down and pressed his mouth against Bucky's head, shutting his eyes tightly.

"More Winter Soldier stuff. Tony's parents." Bucky said and Pietro felt the violent shakes that came from him.

"Do not worry, it is over now. Tony knows it was not your fault. He knows you were not in control -"

Bucky cut him off, words mumbled against Pietro's skin. "I still did it."

"Bucky," Pietro sighed and shifted off him. "it was not your fault. You were brainwashed and had everything taken from you. You could not do anything about it except wish for something that you could not do."

"Thanks. I think."

"Shut up. You and I know that English is not my native tongue. I do not get my words across correctly sometimes," Pietro said with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"I know," Bucky said with a pained smile. Pietro moved closer to him and pressed a kiss against Bucky's mouth. It was open, lazy and content and Bucky held onto him so tightly it hurt.

Pietro didn't mind, instead he let him; let him pull him close, down onto the bed, kissing him so lazily it left him aching for more. He knew not to do anything, knew Bucky was too fragile for anything that could become something more from what they were doing. Instead he let Bucky pull him on top of him, keeping his weight on his arm as Bucky held him close. Pietro's arm started to go numb from keeping his weight lifted but he did not care, not with how Bucky was kissing him, leaving him feel like there was an electric current running through him.

He felt Bucky sigh and pull away slightly. Pietro would have gone and kissed him again, but he didn't; he knew when Bucky had enough, didn't want to do anything else except lay there and think. He shifted away from Bucky and laid beside him and without a word Bucky curled up into his side, whole body shaking slightly.

Neither spoke, instead they just clung onto each other, being the silent reassurance they both needed.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Bucky?"

"Yes, Pietro, we can,"

"Aw, yeah!"

Bucky couldn't help the grin that crept onto his face as he saw Pietro's face light up. Pietro sped off before he could say anything else. Bucky wiped at his face, feeling the large grin tugging there and tried to make it go away. He wasn't that surprised he couldn't stop it.

"What's got you grinning like a Cheshire Cat?" Steve asked as he walked over to Bucky, wearing his typical white tank top and sweats, looking ready to be the mother he usually was. "You finally fucked Pietro?"

Bucky turned and glared at him. "No." he said, looking angry and over protective. "I - uh - I only wanted to once and that was when you -" Bucky cut off, coughing awkwardly as he turned his gaze away, rubbing at the back of his neck with his metal hand, feeling the heat rising on his skin.

"When I walked in on you feelin' him up?"

Bucky wanted to punch the smugness out of Steve Rogers. If only the WSC wasn't concerned with him possibly turning all Winter Soldier again. Bucky nodded in regard to Steve's question and he only just heard the small laugh that came from Steve.

"I hate you." Bucky stated, turning back to look at Steve who was looking proud. "The hell's with that expression?"

"I'm just happy you and Pietro are going good. It's good to see you getting better," Steve said, face turning soft and Bucky looked away, pretending to not feel the same mushy feelings that Steve was so obviously expressing.

"Sap."

"Damn, right." Steve said proudly. "Now go and have fun outside. It's about damn time you and Pietro actually went outside together." Steve told him before Bucky turned on his heels and left the room, trying to not blush.

Pietro crashed into him about ten seconds later, looking fresh faced and wearing something other than his running gear he always seemed to wear. It was a nice change and Bucky made his eyes not wander. Pietro smirked at him when he noticed and Bucky simply raised an eyebrow slightly.

"We can go now?" Pietro asked, tone edging to needy and Bucky felt like he would have sounded the same. Bucky nodded and Pietro's smirk turned into a large grin. Before Bucky knew it, the two of them were standing outside of the Tower and were out in the streets of New York. He turned to look at Pietro, whole body tensing up as he heard the people rustling around them, talking to each other, completely oblivious of The Winter Soldier and Quicksilver being in their presence.

"Nice hat." Bucky commented, gesturing to the purple beanie that Pietro had donned. "Clint's?"

Pietro nodded. Bucky grinned. Pietro was always stealing Clint's accessories. "He has so many things I think he will be alright without this," he said as he took a hold of Bucky's hand. "It also hides my hair which stands out a bit, so this will mean less people will look at us."

Bucky nodded and let Pietro lead them to wherever he wanted them to go on this date. As they walked, Bucky kept looking at Pietro, feeling that stupid smile on his face; he couldn't help it, it always happened when he was around Pietro. Of course, Bucky was keeping an eye on their surroundings, but he was always captivated by Pietro.

"Like what you are looking at?" Pietro asked, voice low and accent unbelievably thick. Something stirred inside Bucky but he pushed it aside; it wasn't the right time.

"Sure, darlin'," Bucky responded without thinking. Pietro blinked and looked at him with that minute curiosity.

"That's new." he said before he turned his attention back on their path.

Bucky tried to pretend he wasn't resembling a tomato.

(Again.)

When they got to wherever Pietro was supposed to be leading them, Bucky thought the place was nice; it was small, out of the way from the busy streets of New York but was in enough light to see if anyone would try and attack.

Bucky sighed to himself - he really had to stop thinking strategically.

Pietro led them inside, smiling at the woman at the counter as they walked to a booth near the back exit. "Sorry, is this place OK?" Pietro asked as they sat down. Bucky looked over at him and smiled, nodding.

"Yeah, it's good. I just ... first time out of the Tower and all," he said with a shrug of his metal shoulder. Pietro held his lower lip between his teeth, stressing it for a moment and Bucky reached over and took his hand. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. Besides, I got you." he said, earning a small smile from Pietro. "You seem to know this place better than me, so you can order." he said, looking around critically. He felt Pietro's foot nudge his own gently and he hooked his foot over his, the gesture calming.

The woman from the counter walked over to their table, notebook in hand. "Can I take your order?" she asked, smiling at them both. Pietro shot her a smile, one that Bucky knew all too well.

"Two cappuccinos and two specials please," Pietro said and she nodded, writing it down before leaving them in peace. "Tempting to order an iced cappuccino, but Steve is not here." Pietro said and Bucky rolled his eyes at him.

"Ti durak," Bucky muttered, though there was that little sparkle in his eyes that Pietro loved seeing. "So, how did you come across this place? The last time I was around here I'm sure my job was 'round here,"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think." Bucky nodded, thinking hard. "It used to be around here anyway."

"Your order." the waitress said, placing the drinks and food in front of them. The two thanked her and she shot them a sile before walking off.

Bucky prodded at the food in front of him. "This reminds me of something," he said, looking up at Pietro through his hair.

Pietro smiled, taking a bite out of the egg on his plate. "It is a - uh - full English? It is today's special anyway."

"Huh. Well the Brits sure do eat a lot," Bucky said before they both tucked in to their food.

Silently they both agreed it was the best food they had ever eaten - and they'd both tasted Bruce's cooking.

They sat in a comfortable silence, both just eating the food. Occasionally they would make little comments about something or other but would generally keep quiet.

"Hey, Bucky?" Pietro asked once they were almost finished. "I think we should leave."

Bucky's lax posture vanished almost instantly. "Where?"

"My ten, guy looks suspicious. Could be nothing, but I do not trust it."

"OK." Bucky nodded, eyes glancing over what he could see. "Someone on your seven too. We should leave now. Calm." Bucky said and Pietro nodded.

Bucky could feel the fear starting inside him, starting to build up some adrenaline in him. He could see the fear taking over Pietro's body, Pietro trying to push it aside and work this like a mission.

Pietro took out several dollars and dropped them onto the table before he stood up and Bucky followed suit, taking a hold of his elbow and steered him towards the door. Bucky heard movement behind them and glanced over at the window to see the reflection of the man that had been on Pietro's seven getting up and following them.

"RUN!"

The scream was jarring and before he knew it, he had yanked Pietro to the floor as the glass smashed on their left and noise overlapped. Pietro was gripping him so tightly it terrified him and he looked around, pulling a gun out from his boot.

"Bucky -" Pietro began, voice sounding distant and scared. Bucky lifted himself off him and wrapped his metal arm around Pietro and pulled him under the nearest table. He could hear the sound of guns going off overhead, debris flying everywhere.

"Pietro can you see where those men went?" Bucky asked and Pietro shook his head as an answer, body shaking violently beside him. Bucky turned to him. "Pietro, run. I've got this." he told him but it looked like Pietro didn't hear him. His eyes were wide and he stared at him in shock. Bucky bit his lip slightly before he cocked his gun and looked out from under the table, gun in hand.

He immediately ducked back under as shots almost hit him. He turned back to Pietro and sighed and sat back next to him.

"Pietro, snap out of it, we're in danger we need to leave!" he said, but got no response. He sighed before he slapped Pietro hard in the face. Pietro let out a gasp and his eyes looked more alive than anything.

"Sorry, I -"

Something loud and angry went off and the two of them lost consciousness, hitting their heads against the wall, crumpling in on each other.

 

* * *

 

 

When Bucky felt himself being dragged back to consciousness, he hoped that what he had been through had just been a terrible dream and that he would be waking up in his bed with Pietro there, telling him that it was just a nightmare, kissing him better.

He was wrong. So, _so_ wrong.

"Rise and shine, sweetheart." the all too familiar voice rang out, voice hurting his ears.

Bucky blinked several times and let his eyes adjust to his surroundings -

"Oh you have got to be fucking _kidding_ me."

"'Fraid not, Buckaroo!" Rumlow said, grinning at him in a way that made his stomach roil. He turned his head and saw he had been handcuffed and was chained against the wall, Pietro by his side, looking ragged and tired. "Took you long enough to come out into the public again," Rumlow continued and moved over and sat in Bucky's lap.

Bucky grimaced and turned it into a sneer, trying to keep a façade up. He could feel Pietro shaking from beside him, trying to get rid of his shackles. Rumlow paid this no mind, running his hand over Bucky's chest.

"Get the fuck off him!" Pietro yelled thickly, trying to force back his tears. Bucky bit his lip, shutting his eyes tightly as he felt Rumlow's hands lower. "NO!" Pietro screamed, pulling at his shackles, trying to get free.

Bucky couldn't move. He was trapped.

Then he felt Rumlow trying to pull his pants down.

Pietro was screaming, screaming at Rumlow to stop, that he would kill Rumlow. Rumlow ignored him completely.

Bucky cried.

He tried to close himself off in a little box in his head, trying to pretend that this wasn't happening. But he couldn't. He was hyperaware of everything. He could feel Rumlow's breath on him as he touched Bucky, willing him to life.

"That's it," Rumlow said before he eased himself on Bucky, groaning in delight.

Bucky felt like he was going to be sick, could feel the bile rising in his throat.

Rumlow ignored Pietro yelling at him, instead he moved harshly, forcing himself down on Bucky harder and harder, fist in Bucky's hair.

"Come on," Rumlow whispered, mouth on Bucky's ear. "or I'll have a go on the younger one," he said and Bucky balked.

"Do whatever to me. Don't you fuckin' dare touch him," Bucky spat, feeling the tears rolling down his face unstoppably.

He would not let Rumlow touch Pietro like he did him. Rumlow grinned, running his hand up and down his chest again before getting to the marred flesh of his left shoulder.

"Get the fuck off him you sick motherfucker!" Pietro said, words broken and desperate. Rumlow grabbed Bucky by his jaw, pressing his mouth on his, forcing his tongue into his mouth -

Bucky bit down.

"Fuck!" Rumlow choked out, forcing himself away from Bucky, who had let go when he tasted blood. He turned his head to the side and spat it out, smiling. Good; he'd hurt that dick. "Fuckin' asshole, I oughta kill you." Rumlow snarled. Rumlow started to mutter curses, pulling himself off of Bucky, who immediately curled up to try and hide himself. Rumlow pulled up his pants and smirked before he moved over to look at Pietro, who was doing his best to hide his fear, despite his body shaking violently.

"No -" Bucky began, stopping his speaking when he felt the bile raising up his throat again. "Pietro," he cried out when Rumlow lifted Pietro up and dragging him with him.

"Buc-" he started, but the doors opened and Rumlow dragged him out and away, the doors shutting audibly.

There was a beat of silence and then Bucky was sobbing, body convulsing as what had happened hit him harshly. For once in his life he didn't know what to do. So he sobbed for what must've been hours, trying not to think of what could have been happening to Pietro. He didn't want to know, but he hoped that Pietro would be alive afterwards.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Pietro kept quiet. He would not bend to the satisfaction of Rumlow. He refused to. He would not break -

He would keep quiet as Rumlow would force himself into him, bend him over like he owned him.

Pietro would not break.

"Who's better? Me or the broody bastard?" Rumlow breathed in his ear, breath uncomfortably warm as he pressed his body against his. The rocking movements hurt his hips and the pressure of Rumlow in him was enough to make him want to throw up. His teeth remained clenched as he shut his eyes tightly, trying to escape mentally.

Pietro kept quiet. He would not break.

Rumlow cursed him and forced Pietro's legs wider and he winced, biting back the gasp, swallowing the bile.

Pietro would not break.

Rumlow kept him forced on all fours as best he could make him with the restraints, hand on his neck, nails digging in, choking him as he forced himself deeper into Pietro, relishing when Pietro let out pained noises. He couldn't keep quiet. Pietro blinked back the tears as his head was forced against the floor, cement hard and cold against his face, stinging at the rocking movements Rumlow was forcing on him.

Pietro tried to ignore the sounds coming from Rumlow, tried to make his escape in his head, but he couldn't. The sounds jarred against his mind, stopping him from trying to make his escape. They kept him awake.

Pietro would not break. He refused this. He would not let himself break.

It felt like years of Rumlow digging his nails into Pietro's skin, over every part of him he could reach; years of him putting his dick inside him and doing whatever he pleased, not caring that Pietro didn't want this.

In reality, it had been several hours.

Rumlow let out a groan that terrified Pietro and the next thing he knew, there was a sticky wetness as Rumlow removed himself from Pietro's body. "On - on your back," Rumlow panted out, sweat dripping from his body. Pietro felt his entire body stiffen at the thoughts that raced through his head. "On your back!" he yelled and Pietro did as he was told. He saw Rumlow grinning, marred face terrifying.

Pietro tried to keep his breathing even; he would not break.

He grinned down at Pietro, the scarring on his face contorting as he crouched over Pietro.

"This might hurt." he whispered, leaning down to kiss his cheek, trailing kisses to his ear and biting at it in a surprisingly gentle way that made Pietro's stomach drop. Rumlow moved back and swept his hands down his torso to his dick.

"No -" Pietro began but Rumlow had already forced Pietro into his body. Pietro screwed his eyes shut, breathing out deeply and slowly through his nose as he turned his head away, trying to ignore the way his body was being rocked by Rumlow. The pain alone made him want to scream, the unwelcome feeling it was giving him made him want to die. He kept his mouth shut, bit back the terrified sounds that tried to make their way through his mouth.

He tried to ignore the awful feeling that coursed through him as Rumlow rocked his hips against Pietro's.

He would not break.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bucky flinched violently when he heard the door open. He looked down to make sure his tattered boxers were on as something was thrown into the cell. He jumped away and looked at the crumpled figure before spotting the familiar white hair on their head.

"Pietro?" he asked nervously, throat dry, the name grating on his throat.

Pietro didn't move.

Bucky grunted as he tried to tear the shackles away from the wall, resulting unsuccessful. "Pietro, please, come here," Bucky begged, willing himself not to cry. He wouldn't cry; not while they were stuck there.

"I cannot move." Pietro said quietly. "Hurts."

Bucky almost bit his lip off. He turned and pressed his feet against the wall and pulled at the restraints. They broke off with a loud crunching sound and he turned around in time to see Pietro trying to move away.

"Hey, hey, hey," Bucky said as he approached him.

"It really hurts," Pietro murmured, jumping as Bucky put his hand on his shoulder.

"I promise you I'm not going to hurt you." Bucky said. Pietro made a noise but allowed Bucky to pick him up and pull him onto his lap. As soon as Bucky's back was against the wall, Pietro wrapped his arms around him, despite the restraints on them. They made it work.

"Some date, huh?"

"Don't think about it. We can go on another when we get out,"

"If." Pietro hid his face in Bucky's neck, body still shaking.

"No, when." Bucky said firmly. "I'll get us out of here. Promise." Bucky told him, pressing a gentle kiss against his hair.

"Everything hurts."

Bucky sighed. "I know."

Pietro shut his eyes and shivered. "I cannot get it out of my head, what he -" Pietro stopped talking and sniffled. "He did it to you before."

"I know," Bucky repeated, thinking of a million and one ways to kill Rumlow for what he did to Pietro.

They fell into silence for a few minutes, the only sounds Pietro's sniffling. It was Pietro who spoke up again, "How can you cope?"

Bucky shut his eyes for a moment, trying to get rid of the emotional turmoil that was going on inside him, making his stomach turn uncomfortably. "I don't. But I have you and the others so it makes coping with things easier,"

"I do not think I can ..." Pietro sighed and trailed off his sentence.

"You don't have to say anything. It's still raw, you can talk when you're ready," Bucky said softly, eyes on the door, not trusting that he could come back and hurt them again.

"It felt like years."

Bucky felt like his stomach had created a bottomless pit. He forgot about that. "Pietro, I -"

"You do not have to say anything."

"I'm sorry. I promise I'll break us out." Bucky said and Pietro nodded, turning his head to kiss Bucky's neck.

"I can still feel his hands on me," Pietro said, voice breaking. Bucky tightened his hold on Pietro. "It is still there and it makes me feel sick. I could not do anything to stop him and he just would not stop."

Bucky had no response to that. He stayed silent for a few seconds as he tried to formulate a decent sentence. "I'll help you get rid of it. I'll make things better. Promise."

"Do not make any promises you cannot keep," Pietro said. "Could you just hug me?"

"Of course." Bucky said and held Pietro as close to him as he possibly could, trying to keep his anger under control as he saw the multitude of bruises that had littered Pietro's body.

Bucky Barnes would fucking murder Brock Rumlow for what he did to Pietro Maximoff.


	16. Don't hurt Bucky's boyfriend

Pietro's leg was on fire. Or rather it felt like it was.

The bullet wound was aching, sending jolts of pain through the entirety of his leg and up his back.

Bucky was holding him firmly, one hand pressed against the entry wound. "No - no exit." Bucky said, voice sounding distant. Pietro rested his head on Bucky's shoulder, head feeling far too heavy. He wanted to sleep.

Bucky nudged him with his shoulder and Pietro groaned, forcing himself into a sitting position. "What?"

"I can't get the bullet out and it could be in fragments. I need to get you to the labs, see if they have anything -" Bucky was saying as he tore off parts of what remained of his clothes and wrapped them around Pietro's wound as a makeshift tourniquet and bandage.

"Don't worry," Pietro said, cutting Bucky off. "Just get us out of here. Worry about it later. Just ... just get us out of here." he said, breathing shallow.

Rumlow laughing as he walked away boiled Bucky's blood.  "You need medical help." Bucky repeated.

Bucky hadn't been sure of how long they had been stuck there - days, weeks? - but this was bad. The cloth had stopped most of the blood, but Bucky knew it would be agony to walk on; he needed to get Pietro to one of the labs, so that he could try and save his leg and whatever the bullet fragments could've hit.

"Ti durak, I need you." Pietro said, words momentarily stymieing Bucky.

"W-what?" he said when he could form words again, hands still hovering over Pietro's wound. He looked up at Pietro, eyes wide.

"I - I need you," he repeated, blinking rapidly, like he was trying to focus on Bucky more clearly. He lifted a hand and knotted it in Bucky's hair, pulling the man closer to him, foreheads pressed together. "I need you to get us out of here; I cannot run, not like this. We will get out of this cell, kill Rumlow, get a vehicle or something and get the fuck out of here."

Bucky shook his head, felt the grip Pietro had on him tighten. "Nyet. Pietro you won't survive if we don't get your leg wound sorted out. You'll die from either blood loss or blood poisoning. I'll get us out of here and to a lab and I'll fix your leg up, OK?"

"We get out of here -"

" _Pietro!_ "

Bucky sighed before he moved and pressed a kiss to Pietro's sweaty forehead. He closed his eyes momentarily.

"I just ... Pietro you could die. That's not something I'm going to risk."

Pietro nodded, biting back a sigh before he looked up into Bucky's face. Bucky stared right back, looking so imploring. Pietro tried to give him a smile before he pulled Bucky closer to him and pressed his mouth to his. It hurt him to move, to wrap his arms around Bucky and keep him close.

Pietro's whole body felt like it was on fire. He was always moving and now he was forced to sit still.

Bucky pulled away from him and he tried to hold back the whine before he felt Bucky move him. Despite the pain, he wrapped his arms around Bucky's torso.

"OK, I'm gonna get us out," Bucky said, though it sounded like it was more to himself than anything. Pietro nodded anyway.

He groaned when he felt Bucky stand, the metal plates of Bucky's arms nipping at the skin on Pietro's legs, at the back of his knees.

"Nyet, I can walk," Pietro said, pressing his hand to Bucky's chest. He felt the look Bucky was giving him boring into his skull. "I can." he said, voice more determined than he was. Bucky sighed but did comply, gently lowering his legs to the floor, despite how badly it shook. He felt Bucky slip his arm around his waist before he led him to the door.

In one swift movement, Bucky punched the metallic door with his metal arm. Pietro couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the large fist indent.

"Vibranium?"

"Maybe. Slightly weaker I think." Bucky nodded to himself before he punched it again. The effect was instantaneous.

The door flew off its hinges and crashed into the wall opposite. The two of them flinched at the noise it made, but Bucky was already leading Pietro out and towards what they hoped was an exit.

"What is the plan?" Pietro asked, voice thick.

"So far it is so that we don't die and that I get you somewhere safe and secure so that I can fix your leg." Bucky said and nodded to himself again. Pietro made a pained noise but nodded along with him. He could tell by the look on his face that Bucky was adamant on getting Pietro somewhere to save him.

"Won't they know we've tried to escape?" Pietro questioned and he saw Bucky's jaw clench.

"They will. That's why we need to get you somewhere safe soo-"

Bucky stopped talking.

Pietro looked away from him to where he was staring and saw Rumlow stood there, grinning maliciously.

"Where you goin' boys?" Rumlow asked, swinging a baton as he looked at Pietro and Bucky.

Both of them were wearing drags, their boxers the only things that were relatively secure. The bandage on Pietro's leg was slowly getting all the more red. They needed to get to the lab soon.

Rumlow's eyes glinted and Pietro felt his stomach turn uncomfortably. He felt Bucky's grip tighten on him. "You boys better get back to your room before it's too late. We were pencilled in for about half an hour where we'd have fun again," he said and Pietro had to bite back the urge to throw up as he felt Bucky's grip tighten even more.

"Get the fuck away or I swear to fucking god -"

_Bang!_

Pietro could feel his heart hammering madly in his throat, but he had acted on instinct; and if he was going to live, he would say it was worth it and that he would do it again.

Bucky's scream about a millisecond later was gut wrenching.

Pietro fell to the floor and Bucky was suddenly stalking towards Rumlow, faster than Pietro could have imagined. His eyes felt warm and before he knew it, his vision was blurry, but he could still see Bucky as he reached Rumlow and reached up to his neck -

And then there was a spray of blood and Rumlow crumpled to the ground. Pietro winced a little as he tried to turn onto his back and shut his eyes.

"Pietro."

He couldn't help the strangled scream that ripped up his throat, past his lips as Bucky lifted him up into his arms, metal arm tucked back under his legs. He looked up at Bucky, surprised to see the tears dripping down his face thickly.

"Bu-Bucky?"

"Ti durak! You absolute idiot," he said, smiling even though it was watery and far too unsteady. "If you die because of this, I'll kill you." he said and Pietro smiled, placing his hand on Bucky's chest, felt the irregular heartbeat underneath his palm.

"You know, I think I might love you," Pietro said, words beginning to slur as black dots appeared in his vision. He blinked several times, willing them to go away.

"What?" Bucky asked, sounding dumbstruck even though he was racing through the hallways at an incredible speed, managing to keep a hold of Pietro and killing people if they appeared.

"Yeah - I am sure of it. Just thought you should know it."

"You're only saying that because you think you're gonna die," Bucky said, voice breaking on the last word.

"Nyet. I am saying it because it is true and it has taken me a while to actually tell you," he said, turning his head into Bucky's shoulder when he heard another man scream. "I love you. Even if you are currently killing people. I wanted you to hear it at least once."

"Pietro, don't be so silly. Promise me you'll be able to say it more," Bucky said.

He got no reply. 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bucky got to the lab after killing a dozen suit-and-ties and assorted lab-coats. He hoped he caught them before they could raise an alarm.

He kicked open the door and walked towards the table placing Pietro down gently on the table before he began to ransack the place for any and every medical supply there. He turned back to look at Pietro and was stymied.

He's so pale, Bucky thought to himself, forcing himself back into action.

Bucky turned his attention to the gut wound, blood coating the skin around the bullet entrance. Bucky could feel himself hoping that the stomach had been missed; if it had been ripped and the acid was in his blood -

Bucky made himself stop thinking about that as he gave Pietro some anaesthetic and hoped that would work.

Bucky made sure he had disinfected the wound as much as he could before he was biting his lip, stressing the thing between his teeth.

"Sorry," he said to Pietro's unconscious state before he opened up the wound.

He glanced over at Pietro slightly, to see if he had stirred or felt anything. Considering Pietro hadn't moved he guessed he was still out of it. Bucky delved deeper into the wound, searching for the bullet; praying it wasn't in fragments.

Blood was coming out of the huge bullet hole at a steady pace and he knew he would have to hurry up or Pietro was going to die of blood loss. Where the fuck was that bullet?

Bucky froze when the tweezers caught something solid. Was it the bullet? Tentatively, he gripped it tighter before he started to pull it out.

Pietro's body twitched and he quickened his pace.

The bullet came out in one piece and before Bucky could let out a sigh of relief, he was already getting the needle and thread. And then he went to work. Hands moved expertly, needle weaving through the skin quickly and efficiently; if it wasn't such a tense situation he would have commended himself on his work.

Until, of course, Pietro woke up.

Bucky didn't have much time to react to his waking; all he could do was put his metal hand on Pietro's shoulder firmly, trying to keep him in place. The cries that came from Pietro shook Bucky to his core as he tried to soothe the silver haired man.

"Pozhalusta! Stop!"

Bucky shook his head. "Nyet; I have to finish this or you will die."

Pietro let out a pained whine before he forced himself to stop reacting, even though his body still shook. Bucky mentally thanked him before he continued to stitch up his wound. Pietro let out little cries as the needle went through his skin and Bucky began a mantra of sorry.

After what felt like an eternity, he had finally finished. Bucky looked between the door and Pietro's face, unable to relax his body.

"What the hell, Pietro?" he asked, breathing heavily.

"He was going to shoot you," Pietro replied simply. "Did not want him to do that."

"You could've moved me or altered where the bullet was going," Bucky said, unable to believe the idiot that laid in front of him.

"Too weak. Too slow." he said, the words hanging in the air as they stared at each other.

Bucky's mind kicked up a gear as he thought about everything; how Pietro could've died because he was too weak, too slow. He almost wished he hadn't ripped Rumlow's throat out just so he could go back and kill him differently.

"I still need to fix your leg." Bucky said after a moment and Pietro shut his eyes before nodding.

"Let's get this over with." Pietro nodded, opening his eyes to look at Bucky and give him a weak smile. Bucky couldn't help but lean over and press a soft kiss to his forehead.

"I'm sorry."

Pietro tried to keep himself still throughout the whole ordeal, but the pain was unbelievable. He could feel Bucky searching for each and every individual bullet fragment, could feel them being taken out. Pietro's head went a little light, but he forced himself to stay awake; he couldn't worry Bucky more than he already had.

After he had taken them out, he tried to ignore how the stitches felt. More than once he felt like he was going to be sick, but bit it back forcefully. He needed to keep himself awake and needed to not scare Bucky.

"Done." Bucky said and Pietro let out a groan. "Now we just gotta get out of here."

"You haven't thought that far ahead?"

Bucky smiled despite the situation. "Honestly, I'm surprised no alarms have gone off -"

An alarm started to blare throughout the compound.

Bucky lowered his head and sighed. "I stand corrected. C'mon, let's get you outta here." he said, slipping his arms behind Pietro's back and under his legs. "We'll get some guns, shoot the assholes that come near us and - Pietro?"

Bucky bit his lip, forcing himself to ignore the fact Pietro had fallen unconscious and made himself move.

He got out of the lab and felt the Winter Soldier part of him trying to take over. He ignored it and continued to walk in the shadows. He made it to the armoury in one piece and took as many guns as he could carry, which, admittedly, wasn't much. Bucky looked around, eyes landing on a radio. He picked it up.

"We can do this," Bucky said, looking down at Pietro's lax face. He sighed before he looked ahead of himself and started to walk again. "Yeah, we can."

There were people, all HYDRA bastards.

None of them stood a chance against Bucky.

People fell around him, bullet holes in their heads, necks, chest, wherever. He wasn't too sure how he managed it; maybe it was the desperation to keep Pietro alive that helped him to kill all the assholes that kept him and Pietro captive.

Bucky got them outside, blood splatters covering them both. The air was cold and nipped at his skin. He should've gotten them some more clothes.

Pietro made a noise, shifting in his arms before he let out a gasp, eyes snapping open as he curled up in Bucky's arms.

"Shit." he groaned and Bucky sighed. At least he was awake now. "Where are we?"

"Just outside. I was going to find somewhere safe so that I could go and send a Morse Code for the other Avengers."

Pietro smiled, albeit it looked forced. "Don't wait up on me; just do it."

"I was going to find somewhere safe, away from that - place.  Somewhere we can hole up and make sure you don't get cold or hurt yourself," Bucky informed him and Pietro nodded, moving his arms around Bucky more securely.

Bucky continued to walk, occasionally looking behind him, to make sure that they weren't being followed. He would look down at Pietro every so often too, to see how he was holding up. They weren't quite sure as to how long they had been walking, but it felt like hours. The sun had gone from one side of the sky to another, so they had guessed it had to be at least six hours. Both of them hoped that no-one would be able to find them.

"There." Pietro said, moving his hand from Bucky's shoulder to point at something between the trees. "Totally not creepy cabin in the woods. If we get murdered by an axe wielding maniac I will not be happy." Pietro stated and Bucky felt a smile tugging at his face.

They got into the cabin fairly easily, Bucky kicking the door open gently, looking around the single room. There was a small mattress on the floor, barely enough room for Pietro. But there was a sink and some old lamps and curtains.

Bucky turned around and shut the door with his foot before he turned back around and laid Pietro down on the mattress. Bucky made to move away, but Pietro took hold of his shoulders and pulled him down to him. Bucky put his weight on his metal arm as he looked down at Pietro, who looked more haggard than he could've anticipated.

"You should sleep," Bucky said, Pietro shook his head. "I'm sure you'll live until we get the others and then you'll see a proper medic."

"I do not want to,"

"Don't want to what?"

Pietro shrugged. "I do not know. I do not think I can trust anyone."

Bucky sighed and climbed off him. "Why?"

"Rumlow." Pietro said as a way of answer. "He just -"

Bucky took a hold of his hand. "Don't worry; you don't have to explain it to me." he said before he turned to set up a way to send Morse Code.

"You have been through this, yes?"

Bucky paused in his actions, glancing at Pietro from the corner of his eye. Pietro was partially curled up on the small mattress, leg slightly elevated as he laid back, keeping the other wound safe.

"Da,"

"How can you deal? You have said before that you do not but I think you do."

Bucky ignored him, instead turned his attention to the equipment and began to code, hoping Clint or Natasha or even Tony would be smart enough to keep an eye out for those kinds of messages.

"Bucky ..." Pietro said and Bucky heard him shuffling around and looked over.

"Pietro, stop." Bucky said firmly.

"Fine." he grumbled, laying back down, trying to hide the wince before he crossed his arms over his chest. "You know what I meant before, right?" he said.

Bucky made an unintelligible noise and kept sending out the message.

"Bucky?" Pietro asked, voice quiet and scared. Bucky stopped and looked over at him before he shifted the stuff to next to the mattress. "I meant it," he said, reaching out to take a hold of Bucky's hand. Bucky looked down at him. "Does it scare you?"

"Try terrifies,"

"I just ... I don't know."

Bucky leant down and pressed a soft, open mouthed kiss against Pietro's mouth. "I love you too." and God did it hurt him to say it; to admit something inside him, that he really did love him, even if he didn't know it at first. And now he admitted it, he couldn't stop telling him.

Pietro smiled and let him get it out, even when Bucky started to cry.

"Here," Pietro said quietly, wrapping his arms around him securely, taking his weight from him, despite the aches it gave his stitches.

"Thank you." Bucky mumbled after a few minutes of silence. "For putting up with my shit and caring." he said, words coming out muffled as he rested his head on Pietro's shoulder, feeling the worry rise in him as he felt the heat radiating off Pietro.

"You do not have to thank me." Pietro said and Bucky let out a strange noise before he got up, wiping at his face with the back of his flesh hand.

Before Bucky could come up with a response, the equipment began to beep. Bucky looked back at it and smiled. It looked like they had some luck after all.

"What?"

"They heard. Steve's going crazy, Wanda's crying - she's happy you're alive and relatively safe. They've found out where we are and they'll get here in like an hour." Bucky informed him. Pietro smiled and nodded before he shut his eyes and relaxed his body. Bucky kept a hold of Pietro's hand until they heard the familiar engines of the jets. He grabbed a gun, not sure if it was the Avengers or not, so kept the gun raised towards the door. By this time, Pietro had lit the old lamps and he too was holding a gun.

The door opened and they were greeted with the faces of Clint, Wanda and Steve.

They crossed the small room within seconds and Steve was wrapped Bucky in a tight hug, not noticing the tension in Bucky's shoulders.

"Steve," Clint called, quiet but stern. Steve pulled away from Bucky and looked him up and down.

"You look like you've been through hell," he said.

Bucky forced a smile. "Your every Sunday morning." he said, shrugging his metal shoulder.

He turned to look at Pietro, seeing the man conversing with his sister in rapid Russian. Steve lifted Pietro up after the short reunion and led them out.

"Hey man," Clint said, looking at Bucky in a way he didn't quite understand. "What happened?"

"Fuckin' Rumlow," Bucky said, face contorting in anger. "Bastard, he -" the words caught in Bucky's throat and he blinked several times. Clint's hand on his shoulder was surprisingly soothing, keeping him in the moment.

And then they were hugging and Bucky was crying again, body shaking against Clint's. They stood in silence for however long Bucky cried, unable to believe it had all happened and Pietro had been hurt in so many ways over those so many days.

Neither of them were good at words and it didn't matter. They just held onto each other, Clint being the familiar reassurance Bucky was glad to have.

"They're going to set off and we'll leave your asses behind." Natasha's voice called and Clint waved a hand at her.

Bucky pulled away and looked over at the doorway, but she had already vanished from sight. "Sorry," he said, giving Clint a watery smile.

"No need to apologise, bro," Clint said, patting Bucky on the arm. "We should go though. Make sure you and your boyfriend get food and won't die on us."

"Sounds nice." Then they were walking towards the jet, though Bucky felt like there was something hovering over them. "I killed Rumlow." he said, slowing his pace as he looked over at Clint, waiting for a reaction. "Ripped his fuckin' throat out with my bare hands."

"If I were you in your situation, I would've done the same." Clint said. "None of us know what you went through or what you had to do to get out of there, but whatever you did, it doesn't matter. You're both safe now."

"Let's just go home."


	17. Home of nightmares

Reuniting with the others was hard. They had to get used to seeing their faces.

When they had gotten back to the Tower, Pietro had been taken away to make sure that his wounds would heal up. It had been hard.

Neither of them had wanted to leave the other and they had begun to scream when the others had separated them. Steve had to hold Bucky back with the help of Thor. Bucky had been angry at them, swearing up a storm as he tried to get free and protect Pietro. Pietro had yelled for him too, causing distress among the other Avengers, to see how dependent they were on each other.

Bucky had to be sedated.

When he woke up, he was laid in a bed that felt too comfy and felt like he was going to fall through it. He looked around and saw Steve sat in a chair, tablet in hand.

"Hey, asshole." he said groggily, eyelids feeling heavy when he blinked.

Steve looked at him and smiled. "Hey."

"Where's Pietro?" Bucky said as he struggled to sit up. Steve jumped into action, trying to push him back into the bed. He simply glared at him and pushed his hand away. "Where's Pietro?" he repeated, face settling in his usual Winter Soldier expression.

Steve took a few steps away from him, raising his hands up. "He's safe," he told him. "Wanda's with him at the moment. As far as I'm aware, he's sleeping."

Bucky let out a groan and pushed the covers off himself and stood up, swaying slightly. He moved away from Steve when he went to help balance him.

"Don't," Bucky said, eyes cast downwards.

"Don't what?"

"Don't touch me." he said, feeling stupid that his voice sounded so weak.

"Sorry. I won't touch you." Steve said. "But please, sit down."

Bucky sighed but did as he was told, realising just how much his legs had been shaking when he had been standing.

Steve let out a breath and Bucky looked over at him. "I missed you, Buck," he said, words hanging in the air. Of course he had missed Bucky. "We were so worried you'd both be dead."

Bucky let out a laugh, which sounded too shaky for him. "Can't kill me that easily."

"It was hard; we didn't know how to find you and no-one knew how we'd be able to get you back; you'd just been taken -"

"Steve, please stop." Bucky said, feeling his heart beating harder as the air felt like it was having trouble getting to his lungs. "I don't want to think about it."

Silence filled the room and Bucky felt awkward again. He hadn't meant to snap, it was just hard to think about it; why they had been caught and the things that had happened after. He didn't want to think about anything that had happened. All he wanted to do was forget.

"I'm sorry."

Bucky blinked and looked over at Steve. "What?"

"I'm sorry." he repeated.

"What for?" Bucky said, frown making its way over his face. "Nothin' you could'a done to get us outta there if you didn't know where we were."

"I should've known something was going to happen when you and Pietro left the Tower. I should've -"

"You should know that you wouldn't have been able to predict something like that happening, so shut it about it." Bucky snapped, glaring over at Steve. He sighed heavily, pressing his forefinger and metal thumb into his eyes.

"Where is he?"

"His room. They fixed his wounds, but he's not allowed to get out of bed." Steve called after Bucky as he walked off to try and find Pietro.

It barely took him a minute before he found himself outside of Pietro and Wanda's shared floor.

He wondered what he should do when the door opened and Wanda was standing there, looking sad and happy and hurt all in one.

She smiled at him, but it broke easily. "He's been wanting to see you." she said, moving to the side so he could go in. He nodded, not bothering to try and smile before he made his way into Pietro's room.

Pietro was laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, unblinkingly. Bucky turned his head to look back at Wanda, who pushed him into the room and shut the door. Pietro looked over at him when he heard the door shut and waved at Bucky weakly.

He walked over to him, sitting down on the bed by his side. Silently, Pietro took hold of Bucky's hand and Bucky felt worry roll through him when he felt how cold Pietro was.

"Hurts," Pietro said quietly, voice sounding rough and unused. "Feel like I'm on fire."

His grip on Bucky's hand tighten and Bucky held back a sigh. Whatever was running through Pietro's head had to be horrible. They both knew what he had to go through when Rumlow had taken them, but how it had affected Pietro's state of mind. Regardless, Bucky knew he was going to stick by Pietro's side and try and help him.

"You'll probably feel like that for a while." Bucky said, giving him a half shrug.

Pietro made a whining noise and moved closer to Bucky, spitting out a string of Russian curses as he held a hand to his stitched up stomach area. Bucky sighed before he pressed Pietro's shoulder gently, pushing him back onto the bed.

"I can lay beside you if you want?" Bucky suggested and Pietro nodded, arms reaching out for him.

Silently, Bucky laid down beside him, almost scooping Pietro up into his arms, metal arm covering Pietro in a sort of protective manner (which had been reassuring for the white haired man). The silence between them was calm; there was no need to speak, to start a conversation that would be strained and painful.

Pietro fell to sleep not too long after, body lax against Bucky's, breathing steady and quiet. Bucky wanted to wonder what he was dreaming about, but decided against it; for all he knew it could have been a dream about what had happened to them, only more distorted and cruel. Bucky wouldn't really consider himself religious, not after everything he had been through, but he couldn't help but make a silent prayer that Pietro would be alright after all of the things that had happened to him - that Pietro would be able to move on and not be haunted by those horrors.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Buck, can you tell us what happened?" Steve asked for what felt like the millionth time.

Bucky didn't want to tell him what happened, no siree.

Steve leaned back in his chair, groaning into his hands. "Bucky," he said before he pulled his hands away from his face. "I'm trying to help you." he said.

He shrugged in response. "Kinda feel like you should be helping Pietro instead."

Steve let out another groan as he looked at his friend. "You need help too, Buck. You won't be helping Pietro if you're not helping yourself."

Bucky snorted slightly, raising his eyebrow fleetingly. "And when did you get so full of wisdom?" he said, wishing he could look Steve in the eye. "Listen, I'm fine. Or I will be. I just need a bit of time and Pietro needs a little more help." he shrugged again.

"Bucky, please. Just -"

"Steve, I _can't_."

"Fine," Steve said after a tense moment. "I can't force you to talk about what happened if you can't. Just ... I'm with you 'til the end of the line, remember?"

Bucky nodded. "'Till the end of the line." he repeated.

Steve stood up and Bucky followed his lead. "You can either go and help Pietro or stick around with my ass. I think I know which one you'll choose." Steve said, all kind eyes and sombre smile.

Bucky could feel guilt growing inside him and he couldn't help it; he felt like he couldn't leave Pietro for long, not after everything they had been through. Steve clapped him on the shoulder before he let go and pushed Bucky towards the door. He gave the blond man a tired smile before he walked off in search of Pietro (again).

He found him in Bucky's room, huddled up under the covers, looking tired and drained.

"I want to shower." Pietro said once Bucky had shut the door.

"Shower?"

Pietro pulled a face, shifting underneath the mass of blankets. "Bath then. I just ... I felt gross and need to wash everything away."

"Do you need help?"

Pietro nodded. Bucky gave him a sad smile before he walked over to him and picked him up. Pietro's arms wrapped around him and Bucky felt a wave of sadness hit him when he felt how much Pietro was shaking. He sat on the edge of the bath as he ran the water, Pietro sat in his lap.

Once the water had filled the bath relatively, Bucky looked down at Pietro who nodded, though his hand on Bucky's shoulder tightened in grip. Bucky eased his pyjama pants and shirt off before he eased him into the water, making sure the bandaged areas were protected from the water.

"How're you holding up?" Bucky asked as he poured some water onto Pietro's head, soaking his hair. Pietro shrugged, keeping his eyes cast down into the bubbly water. "You don't have to talk about it, we can always watch films again and eat popcorn and -"

"But it happened," Pietro said, quiet, quick words cutting Bucky's sentence off. He still refused to look at Bucky, instead watching as the bubbles steadily died away, warm water becoming colder.

"I know," Bucky said, fleshy hand coming to rest on the back of Pietro's neck, white hair plastering itself over the warmth that came with it. "I know it did. And it's made me worry," he continued, stomach feeling too much like lead as he tried to get the right words out, so that he'd be able to make sense to the younger man. "I'm ... I'm worried for how you're dealing with the events; what you'll do after and how you're gonna live with the knowledge that it happened."

Pietro shut his eyes, head tilting back into Bucky's palm, looking like he was in a calm state. It was sad to Bucky that it was all a façade. "I have Wanda, you and Barton, I suppose. I will focus on you and the others. It may help me." He looked over at Bucky and reached over to put a wet hand on his cheek, thumb moving across his skin swiftly. "Don't worry about me."

"I always worry."

Neither seemed to know how to react, so silence filled the room. Neither seemed to be bothered by it, instead letting Bucky help Pietro clean himself.

It was kind of degrading for Pietro; to have to need the help of others to do those basic kinds of things. It made him feel like a child, and he hated it. He had to grow up so fast when he and Wanda had been left parentless. The feeling of being treated like a child was alien to him. He couldn't do anything about it; his wounds were slow in repairing themselves, but they were healing faster than anyone else's could.

He was kind of glad that Bucky didn't treat him like some porcelain doll that would break easily, but he knew that the man was worried about him. Pietro couldn't help it. He knew he wasn't going to be the man he used to be; what had happened to him - to him _and_ Bucky - had changed him in a way nothing else could. Wanda was worried about him too; that much was obvious, there wasn't a time when the twins weren't worried about each other.

Pietro was pulled from his thoughts when Bucky poured some water onto his head again, washing out some hair product. Pietro really wasn't all that sure as to what Bucky was doing, but he knew he would always trust Bucky no matter what. It used to terrify him and at times it still did; but he couldn't help it. He would always trust the man, no matter what they would go through or who they would have to go up against. Sometimes, that thought was overwhelming and Pietro would want to do what he did best, but most times, he wouldn't.

Bucky needed someone to wait up on him, help him catch up. It seemed like the perfect guy to do that was the man who moved too fast.

When the bubbles in the bath had gone, Bucky had to try and get Pietro out of the bath without hurting either of his wounds. They tried to ignore how tightly Pietro had to clutch onto Bucky when he tried to lift Pietro's leg up safely.

It was awkward, trying to lift him out of the bath without hurting either of his wounds, but Bucky managed, despite how much Pietro seemed to vibrate. He had managed to successfully wrap Pietro up in a towel and before they knew it, Pietro was on their bed - when did it become their bed? - and Bucky was helping to dry him off. Pietro noted how careful Bucky was being, how he didn't move too quickly or didn't press the towel against him too hard. He especially noted how much he did that with the metal arm.

Pietro didn't say anything. He knew better than to point it out.

Once he was done, Pietro let him try and dress him in some baggy pyjamas (which actually used to be Bucky's old clothes before Pietro had stolen them). When he was finally done, Bucky tried to ease him back into the bed, under the covers. During their time in the bathroom, it looked like Jarvis had changed the bedding. If they were any better in their states of minds, the might have laughed at the fact the covers had the Avengers on, comic style.

"Where's Clint?" Pietro asked, voice sounding hoarse. Bucky frowned at him.

"In his room?"

Pietro shook his head, shaggy damp hair sticking to his forehead at the movement. "On this," he gestured to the covers of the duvet. "They always forget him. Why?"

Bucky shrugged before he changed out of his clothes and into some sweats, ignoring how Pietro was staring at the newer scars that had littered his body. When he was done, he sat beside Pietro, moving his metal arm around him. Neither of them commented on how Pietro had wrapped himself around Bucky as best as he could.

One thing Bucky didn't expect was for Pietro to start to cry. At first, he kind of just ignored it, had rubbed his metallic hand over his back like a silent soothing thing. But eventually, Pietro got louder in sobs and he had to do something to try and calm him down. He kind of wished Wanda was there; she would have been able to look inside his head and see what was wrong and set it right.

"I cannot do anything." Pietro whispered, face pressed against Bucky's chest.

"What? Of course you can." Bucky said, bewildered.

The younger man shook his head, beard scratching at Bucky's skin. "I cannot run, everything is too slow and there is nothing I can do to make things right." He took a deep breath, letting out a noise as he tried to compose himself. "I cannot go back and change what happened. Everything happened because of me."

"Stop bullshitting." Bucky said, feeling oddly close to tears, eyes feeling too warm and stung painfully. Subconsciously, his grip on Pietro tightened.

"It's not bullshit!" Pietro snapped, shifting away from Bucky too fast for the man to see. The next thing they knew, he was hunched over, hands pressed against the searing wound on his abdomen. Bucky's arms were around him the next second, one cold and the other warm, a nice little contrast that Pietro tried to concentrate on.

A few seconds passed before Pietro slumped against Bucky, his weight barely shifted the man.

"It's big bullshit. We went out because I was allowed out and we wanted to do something. The fact that Rumlow fucking stalked us and did all that shit is not on you." Bucky said firmly. Pietro nodded, the action minute, barely visible. "It wasn't your fault. None of it was." He looked down at Pietro's face, catching his eye. "Is there anything else that's bothering you?"

Pietro shrugged. "There's too much energy in me." They both looked at his hand, which was blurry. "It's going to drive me insane."

"I'll try and help -"

"I need to move. I need to run. And I can't while my leg is fucked."

Bucky sighed, pinching at the bridge of his nose. "You'll only be like this for another week or so," he said, keeping his voice level. He knew he would never know what it was like to be in Pietro's situation and he was thankful. He knew he would probably have gone insane if he was in Pietro's situation.

"It feels longer." Pietro said quietly, voice breaking.

All Bucky could think to do was keep him close and press a kiss to his head.

As Pietro's body shook from the tears and the cries until he couldn't cry any more. Bucky kept his arms around him, murmuring soothing words into his ear until Pietro had fallen asleep. Bucky didn't stop holding him like that for a long time, feeling Pietro's breath against his chest as his body began to relax against Bucky's. He mentally thanked Jarvis as the shutters of the windows closed and the lamps and lights turned on, a dim, warm light that surrounded the two of them, making Bucky feel safe.

Man, that AI was better than most humans Bucky had come across.

Regardless, he couldn't sleep, couldn't relax his body like Pietro had. He felt like he was a statue, unable to move as Pietro's grip on him slackened, arms drooping down to rest on Bucky's hips.

The quiet was peaceful, albeit it did nothing to soothe the aching thoughts that wrecked through Bucky's mind. He tried his best to keep his head afloat the madness that was within, but it was difficult. Those awful things that were truths and twisted nightmares threatened to drag him under into the darkness where his deepest darkest parts would tear him apart. With the younger man beside him as a physical anchor, he guessed it could have been worse. Which was true; it had been fine until it wasn't.

It had started out with minor twitches from Pietro and little pained whines. Until it wasn't.

Pietro's arms lashed out quickly and violently, catching Bucky harshly on his jaw. Teeth clashing together painfully, he dodged Pietro's arms as the man twisted, letting out a scream, hands grasping at his chest. Bucky let out a terrified breath before he sat up properly, wondering how to deal with Pietro's night terrors. He worried his lower lip as he listened to Pietro screaming for about half a second more before he moved forwards.

He took hold of Pietro's wrists, gently moving them down so that they wouldn't lash out again and began to talk, words soothing and calm. He continued to speak, keeping Pietro under a careful restraint until his eyes snapped open and he was on the other side of the room.

Hurt noises escaped Pietro as he clutched to his leg and abdomen. Bucky sighed, thankful the lights were at a level that none of the corners of the room were shadowed. Not knowing what to say, Bucky kept silent, but made his way over to Pietro, purposely making the bed creak and the floor squeak. He knelt down three feet in front of Pietro, hands held out slightly, palms upwards.

Neither of them commented on how badly Pietro was shaking, his outline a blur. Neither of them commented on how cold he was when he eventually crawled over to sit in Bucky's lap, arms looping around his shoulders. The only warm area of Pietro were his cheeks, which had been pressed against Bucky's neck.

Neither said a word when Bucky slipped his arms around him to lift him up and over to the bed. They didn't say anything as the tears slipped down Pietro's face as Bucky wrapped them both up, the lights becoming more warmer and comforting as the heating in the room stayed at a cosy temperature, almost like it was trying to lull them to sleep.

But neither of them could sleep, too terrified about what was waiting them in the darkness in their minds.

It was painful and if they shed any tears, they didn't say anything.

If it came to morning and neither of them had slept, well who would know? They wouldn't tell anyone; why would they? They'd gone through so much for so long that maybe it was time to stop dumping their crap on the others and try and not be fucked up.

But trying to not be fucked up was hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all those who have left kudos and have commented; you have been a big hand in motivating me to put out these chapters during some tough personal times.


	18. Shock and recovery

Wanda was worried. Of course she was. Her brother didn't talk to her; well, he did, he just didn't talk much. It worried her beyond belief. She had to watch as her brother would sit in his room all day and not confide in her.

"He'll come around," Clint told her as he gulped down some of his hot coffee. "Who knows what Bucky and Pietro went through. They'll need time to get over the initial shock. When he's ready he'll talk to you." he said with a shrug of his shoulders, scratching at behind his hearing aid.

"I just ... I want what is best for him, I just do not know how to do that."

Clint shrugged. "Being supportive of him can be a good start. We gotta let him - and Bucky - take their time, maybe help them in the right direction if they start to go down a wrong path or two. Only they know what happened to them and if it becomes too much for them, then we gotta be there for them when they need us most." he said and she smiled slightly.

"When did you become so wise?" she asked him, pushing her coffee towards him, not feeling very thirsty any more. Her thoughts were making her feel drained and she felt like she should sleep, but her brother was more of a priority to her.

"I dunno. I just sympathise and try and understand a person when they've been hurt?" he shrugged again, accepting her drink, pouring her remains into his cup, spilling some over the edge. "They're both only human and the things they were probably put through will have been traumatising. So helping someone get through and over it is something I want to do. Being alone when your head is fucked really sucks." he said and she sighed, reaching out to wipe away at the coffee that hadn't quite gone into his mouth when he had taken another large gulp. Clint Barton was a mess.

"I am going to talk to them both about it." she stated after a moment. She stood up and walked back towards where she knew Pietro was. She wasn't going to let him be in his room all the time, only talking to Bucky. She was there for him after all.

She had left him to his own devices, to try and sort out his mental state for a month. During that month, his wounds had fully recovered. And yet he still stayed in his bed, or laid beside Bucky, looking like he should've been in a coma. It was terrifying.

Pietro surprised her by being sat on the sofa, staring at the television, unmoving, Bucky by his side. Wanda had to remind herself that it was progress. When she got into view, she coughed to let them know she was there. Bucky glanced over at her and gave her a short smile.

"I want to talk," she said, words travelling over the quiet noise from the TV with ease. Pietro nodded, but didn't look at her. She breathed in deeply, closing her eyes momentarily before she moved to sit in her chair, almost opposite from Pietro. "Pietro." she said, leaning forwards, elbows on her knees, hands clasped together as she kept her steady gaze on him. He chewed on his lower lip slightly before he turned to look at Wanda. She didn't miss how Pietro had reached to grab Bucky's hand tightly.

"What?" he asked, unable to look her in the eye.

"I think we both know what I want to ask."

Pietro shook his head, curling up into Bucky's side, turning his head to hide his face in the crook of Bucky's neck. Wanda looked at Bucky, who looked at her helplessly.

"Pietro?" Bucky said quietly, nudging him softly. "You can tell us," he said.

He moved uncomfortably, moving his arm to wrap it around Bucky's waist tightly. "If I say it out loud it will make it real."

Wanda bit her lip as she willed herself not to cry. "If ... if you want, I can make you forget."

"No," Pietro said, wiping at his face. "I want to talk about it, but I do not know if I can."

"That's alright," Bucky and Wanda said together. "Even in you're trying like this, you're already getting better." Bucky continued, murmuring the words into Pietro's hair.

Pietro shut his eyes, taking a deep breath as he forced his body to relax. Wanda noted how tightly Pietro was clutching onto Bucky and felt the guilt hit her in waves. "Rumlow hurt me," he began, letting out a low breath. "He -"

"We know. It's OK." Bucky said and Wanda nodded her agreement. Nervously, she got up and moved to sit beside him, pressing her hand to his stubbled cheek. Pietro smiled weakly and leaned into her touch. He looked away a moment later, eyes shining.

"And - and then they started to experiment on me again," Pietro said and Wanda was wiping the tears from his face, giving him a smile, despite it being wobbling and hurt. "It really hurt. And they would not stop. They let Rumlow come in and do what-what he wanted to me." Pietro shuffled uncomfortably. "I can still feel his hands on me." he said and then he wasn't there. Wanda sighed, then looked up at Bucky.

"I didn't know," he told her, wiping at his face. She looked away, eyes feeling too warm. "I knew what Rumlow did to him. He did that to both of us. Pietro never told me they experimented on him."

She nodded, breathing deeply and steadily. "I am sorry it happened to you both. I want Pietro to get better, to get through it."

"It'll take time. Who knows how much it will have effected him, or how long he will cope on his own before he asks for help," Bucky shrugged and Wanda could feel the guilt coming from him. "I just ... I wanna be there for him, let him know I'm not gonna leave him to go through it all on his own."

"I believe he knows you will not leave him, you both have gone through some tough times and you will be able to go through these things together and come out on top. You are good for my brother and will help him through this." she said, nodding to herself before she stood up. "You should get some help too, with what has happened to you. I must admit it is not healthy for you or Pietro, what with how horrendously co-dependent you two have become, so maybe try and trust the others and get some help from someone who helps people for a living." she shrugged. "I am going to go and try and talk to my brother and see if I can help him in any way possible. You should go and talk to Steve or Clint and be human."

Bucky gave her a half smile, turning his head away as she walked off towards Pietro's bedroom. He was there, as she had expected, curled up in a ball as his body shook. Jarvis seemed to understand and the lights inside the room brightened and Pietro looked up at her. Her mouth twitched slightly, a could have been smile as she shut the door and sat on the foot of the bed, crossing her legs as she looked at her brother.

"I ... I think I do not want to be alive." he admitted.

Wanda lowered her head as she felt the air in her lungs vanish. She wished he hadn't said it so casually, wished that he hadn't told her. He was her brother and to hear him say he didn't want to be alive made her feel like she had failed as a sister.

"I mean, I want to live. But maybe not for now," he said, frowning to himself. "I know what I mean, but there are no words to explain it." Pietro looked up at her, and she tried to look like her world hadn't just crashed around her.

"Words are useless." she said, trying to smile. "I just ... I want to help you, brother," she dropped her gaze as she felt her chin wobble, the warmth in her eyes back and she tried to wipe away the tears, but they were being persistent. "And I do not know how." she said, voice cracking as she pressed her hands to her face, wishing she wasn't so weak.

Pietro's hands were on her shoulders, his head pressed against hers. "I am so sorry," he whispered before he kissed her forehead. "I love you and I am sorry. I do not know how to make things better." he stated, words quiet.

Wanda wrapped her arms around him tightly, burying her face in his neck. Pietro returned the gesture, clinging onto his sister like a lifeline. They weren't too sure how long they had sat there, silently crying, but during that time, Pietro had let her into his mind, seeing just what had happened to him. He trusted her with everything, knew she would never betray him. He had to tell her what had happened; he felt like she deserved to know. She was his sister after all, she was bound to find out.

And maybe, after he had let her see what had happened, telling the others wouldn't be so bad. He decided if he was going to tell the others, or at least let them acknowledge some of what had happened to him, he would start with Clint; even if they would sometimes fight and bicker, Pietro knew the older man would understand, would let Pietro cry if he needed to.

Pietro had to admit that Clint was one of the best people he had ever met.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Steve looked at Bucky, concerned.

"Rumlow did that?" he asked, unable to believe what Bucky had told him. "I understand if you don't want to talk about it again. I just - I can't believe he would be sick enough to do that to you." Steve paled as he continued to stare at Bucky. "Did he do that to Pietro as well?"

Bucky looked away, which was enough for Steve. "I can't tell you. It's not for me to say."

"I'm gonna kill that prick." Steve said, getting to his feet as his temper flared up. "I'm gonna rip his fucking throat out." he snapped and Bucky let out a dry laugh as he ran his fingers through his hair. "What?"

"I did that." Bucky admitted, looking up at Steve, eyes shining too brightly. "As soon as he shot Pietro in the stomach, I just ... I lost it. I don't even know what happened. All I know is I saw red and then there's blood and flesh on my hands and he was on the floor, throat ripped out."

Steve dropped into a crouch in front of Bucky, holding Bucky's clasped hands in his own. "What you did, it may have been violent, but who cares? It was justified. What he did to you, what he must have done to Pietro - he deserved it."

Bucky shook his head, hoping it would get rid of the rising dampness in his eyes. "Kinda weird to hear Captain America telling me that ripping some asshole's throat out was right."

Steve laughed dryly, shaking his head. "Justified. Might not have been right, but he deserved it."

"Deserved hell of a lot more," Bucky said, blinking multiple times as he took a deep breath. "After everything he did to me, and then what he did to Pietro. I think if I had let him live, I might have done worse."

"And I'm sure I wouldn't have stopped you." Steve said and Bucky shook his head.

"No, you would have stopped me; you wouldn't have let me, you would have stopped me so I wouldn't regret my actions." the and _wouldn't have scared the others_ remained unspoken, but they both knew it. Bucky coughed and pushed Steve's hands off his. "Anyway, punk, how's life?"

Steve blinked. "What?" he asked, confusion etching over his face. "You just - and then? What?"

"How's life?" Bucky repeated. "With Tony?" he added. "I mean, you're still together, right?"

"Yes?" Steve asked, not quite understanding why Bucky had changed the topic so suddenly, but didn't want to make him uncomfortable by bringing it back round to what he had gone through. "I mean, we fight and stuff, but yeah." he shrugged. He got back up and sat down in his chair, looking at Bucky somewhat worriedly.

Bucky smiled, tilting his head back so he could stare at the ceiling. "I'm glad you're happy with him."

"Bucky, you're kinda scaring me." Steve told him, furrowing his brows together. "You're not gonna go and do something stupid are you?"

"I dunno. I kinda just wanna sleep, kinda never wanna let Pietro out of my sight because I'm terrified he'll get taken and get tortured." Bucky shrugged as he stood up, stretching. "I kinda wish I could get drunk so I could forget, for one night. But I can't sleep, I don't wanna be some weird over protective bo- _partner_ because I know he's in safe hands here. And I don't wanna get drunk at the same time because I'm scared I might be able to get drunk and I could do something I'll regret."

"So what are you going to do?" Steve asked, raising his eyebrow slightly as he kept his gaze on his friend.

Bucky shrugged as he put his arms by his sides, looking more tired and haggard than Steve had ever seen him. "I think I'm gonna go and make a sandwich and watch TV, or go and bother Clint and Lucky." Bucky nodded, mouth twitching minutely. "Yeah, I'll go bother Clint."

"Need me to go with you?"

"I don't need you to come, but I might want you to come." Bucky said honestly and Steve smiled as he stood up and nudged Bucky's metal shoulder with his.

"C'mon, jerk."

"Punk."

They went down to the kitchen, walking down the staircase since Bucky couldn't quite handle the elevator just yet. When they got to the kitchen, they saw Tony and Bruce huddled together over some weird blueprints. Steve coughed and the two jumped violently, Tony almost spilling his cup of coffee over the important blueprints that Bruce had snatched out of the range of the coffee.

"Yeah, that's not suspicious," Bucky said as he moved past them to get a sandwich. He saw Bruce blush slightly as he rolled up the blueprints. "What is it?"

"Designs for a robot," Bruce said, then let out a yelp when Tony jabbed him in the side. Bucky found one of his premade sandwiches and took it, turning to look at the scientist.

Bucky raised his eyebrows slightly, looking apprehensive. "It's not going to take over the world, is it?" he asked light-heartedly and Bruce smiled, shaking his head.

"No, this is kinda like Dummy or any of the other Stark bots," Bruce explained as Tony and Steve had their daily bicker quietly, ten feet away from them. "Won't go psycho and kill the world." he said and Bucky nodded, smiling slightly.

"That's good to know," he said. Bruce's expression changed slightly.

"How's it going?"

Bucky shrugged. "I've had worse, but not had worse? I'm getting through it." he answered and Bruce nodded.

"One day at a time, right?"

"Right."

The two looked over at Steve and Tony, only to look away, grimacing. "I'm gonna go before they fuck in front of us."

"Yeah, me too." Bruce said and the two quickly left the kitchen. "You doing anything later?" Bruce asked as the two started to walk down the staircase.

Bucky shrugged his shoulders, looking indifferent. "Thought about annoying Clint and Lucky, why"

"I dunno. Was thinking if you wanted, you could always hang around my lab. I mean, I'll probably not talk much, unless I accidentally start muttering to myself about all thigns science again." he said and Bucky found he was laughing quietly.

"Sounds like a good idea. I might come down later." Bucky said and Bruce nodded. 

__

* * *

 

 

Bucky had gone to Bruce's lab, after he had gone to bother Clint. The two had played video games, ate an insane amount of pizza and had babied Lucky beyond belief. It had been nice and Bucky had felt human and like things would get better. When he had gone to Bruce's lab, he had been able to calm down and feel relaxed, finding that the lab was oddly therapeutic; the odd little noises soothing as Bruce would often show him what he was doing, helping Bucky understand when he didn't quite get it.

Today, however, he was sparring with Steve.

They hadn't sparred in a while and Bucky made Steve spar him. It was either that or Clint and once Bucky had mentioned Clint being willing to become a human punchbag, Steve had caved in. They both knew that Bucky would need someone who matched him in power to spar with every so often and this had been one of those times. He needed to get rid of what had been pent up inside him and Steve had been more than willing once he realised.

As they sparred, Bucky remembered how pre-serum Steve wouldn't have been able to do anything post-serum Steve did. In some ways, it felt like Steve was now a different person from who he was from before the serum. Of course, he was as brave as he had been before, constantly going against the bad and not running away. But he was still different from what he had been before.

In a way, being different was good and bad for Steve. But it wasn't for Bucky to decide, so he let the thoughts go and tried to kick Steve's ass.

"Tony?"

The man nearly jumped a mile into the air. "What is it with weird Russians always making me jump?" he asked, turning his head to look at Pietro. Tony's expression changed. "What's wrong? C'mon, sit down," he said, helping Pietro into the seat beside him.

Pietro opened his mouth before he shut it, wondering how to work out how to say it. He opened his mouth again. "My ... my leg," he said, gesturing to the one that had been shot. "I mean, it's fixed, but it still hurts, like it's not getting better?" the words turning into a question and he looked up at Tony's face and Tony felt his heart tug when he saw how young and scared Pietro looked.

"So, it hasn't recovered properly?" Tony asked, looking down at the leg. Pietro nodded. "I can get someone to look at it?"

Pietro shook his head, fear on his face and Tony felt bad all over again. "No. Bucky can check it out," he said, chest beginning to rise and fall quickly.

Tony raised his hands. "I was merely suggesting that we get a professional to check it out. Bucky might not see anything wrong when there might be."

"No!" Pietro snapped, the word echoing around the gym. Pietro pressed his lips together tightly before he turned away from Tony, elbows pressed into his knees as he buried his face in his hands, trying to keep his breathing even.

"Pietro?"

Bucky was knelt in front of him, but he wasn't sure how he had gotten there. Why was he there?

"Pietro, listen, it's OK," Bucky said, holding his hands out, palms up. Pietro shook his head. "What's happened?"

"Leg still hurts," he managed to say and silently reached out and gripped Bucky's metal hand tightly in his own.

"We'll fix it," Bucky said, voice calm and reassuring. "I'll have a look at it, and if I can't find anything, but I'm still worried, we can get Doctor Cho to check it out. She's a nice person and she'll figure out what's wrong if I can't. Trust me?"

"Always trust you." Pietro said. "I wanna go." he mumbled, glancing up to look at Bucky's face. Bucky gave him a soft smile.

"Want me to carry you?" he asked and even though it felt childish and he had begun to blush, he nodded. Bucky lifted him up with ease. Pietro risked a glance up and saw that neither Tony or Steve were there and he mentally thanked them for leaving. "Y'know, Tony cares about you," Bucky said conversationally as they left the gym and started up the stairs to their floor. "I think he sees you like a son, or something. He gets worried about you a lot and wants what's best for you and Wanda." he said. Pietro nodded, but tightened his grip on Bucky, wishing he hadn't freaked out as much as he had.

"There is so much wrong with me." Pietro said, sounding tired. "What ... what do you even see in me?"

Bucky looked down at him. "I see someone who is the best person I have ever met. I see someone who was willing to die for someone, who grew up so that their sister could have some kind of childhood," Bucky shrugged, getting out of the stairwell and onto their floor. "I just see someone I love." Pietro felt himself smile, resting his head against Bucky's shoulder. Bucky opened the door to their bedroom and kicked it shut behind him.

Pietro shifted in Bucky's arms and before Bucky had time to catch him before he fell, Pietro had kissed him firmly on the mouth. Bucky staggered at the shift in weight, falling forwards onto the bed. Pietro pulled Bucky close to him, wrapping his arms around him, feeling more alive than he had ever been. He whined when Bucky pulled away. "What are you doing?" Bucky asked breathlessly, looking at him confused.

"I just - you make it all go away." he said, sounding too hurt that Bucky wanted to let Pietro have what he wanted.

"I don't think I can commit to doing that stuff just yet," Bucky admitted. Pietro nodded, releasing Bucky from his grip. "I might be able to, but not now. It's too soon for me."

"Yeah. I am still sorry. I should have asked if it was fine with you." Pietro said. Bucky smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Pietro's mouth, unable to stop smiling.

"It's fine." Bucky said before he climbed off of Pietro, laying down beside him.

Pietro smiled weakly, beginning to blush when Bucky took hold of his hand, his other trailing over his face. Pietro felt nervous, wanting to express himself to Bucky, but he couldn't. When Bucky kissed his cheek softly, Pietro knew that Bucky understood. They didn't speak as Bucky pulled the blankets over them, didn't speak when Pietro curled up into Bucky's chest, arms wrapping around him tightly as they listened to the television that Bucky had turned on.


	19. Piss off, Steve

Blinking away the haze, Bucky heard films playing as he was brought back into consciousness. He shuffled slightly, feeling the heavy weight of Pietro on his arm. He down at him, feeling himself smile as he saw the calmness in Pietro's face, saw how at ease and young he looked. Bucky took in the few moments to admire him, to be thankful that Pietro was safe, was with him.

"I can feel you looking at me," Pietro said, blinking sleepily as he tilted his head up to look at Bucky. He smiled at him before he sat up, stretching tentatively. Pietro barely flinched when Bucky splayed his fingers over the small of his back, so progress.

"You're just so damn pretty, darlin'," Bucky said, feeling the smile widening. "Can't help it."

The laugh that came from Pietro made Bucky's chest flutter happily. His laugh was soon cut off when there was a knock on the door. Bucky could feel the other man's body tense underneath his hand; he massaged his fingers into the skin of Pietro's back, trying to help him relax. "Yeah?" Bucky called, sitting up next to Pietro. He kept an eye on the door and his other on Pietro.

"It's me," Steve's voice said through the door. "You two decent?"

"I am going to go into the bathroom," Pietro informed him and had vanished before Bucky could say anything.

Bucky forced himself out of the bed, going over to the door and opened it to see Steve's tired face. "Did you get any sleep last night?" he asked. Steve's mouth twitched slightly but he nodded. "Doesn't fuckin' look it." he muttered, but moved to let Steve in.

"Where's Pietro?" he asked as he sat on the edge of the bed. Bucky nudged the door shut before he sat beside Steve. "I wanted to talk to you in private and didn't feel like having him intrude on us."

"He's in the bathroom," Bucky said, jerking his thumb towards the door Pietro had vanished in. "He'll not bother us," he added, seeing Steve eyeing the door.

Steve sighed, moving the hair from his eyes as he looked like he was trying to find the right words. "I'm worried about you - I worry about you a lot of the time, but this time it's more serious. You've ... you've closed yourself off from me and the others and it just - it's not good."

He raised an eyebrow at him, brain comprehending what he had said. "I'm not?" he said, expression turning to that of confusion. "I talk to you and Clint and Pietro and the others -"

"No, you barely speak to us but you constantly stay with Pietro, you barely leave his side!" Steve stopped talking and took a deep breath. "You barely speak to me any more and what you do talk about, it's limited and feels too formal," he rested his elbows on his knees, chin resting on his knuckles. Bucky wanted to ask what had brought this on, why Steve felt that way, but he understood; he hadn't been the same since what had happened. Steve had expected him to bounce back. He couldn't; not this time.

"I told you what happened to me. I can't just go back to who I used to be after that," Bucky said and internally scolded himself for how broken and scared he sounded. "I just ... I can't."

"You could," Steve said and Bucky was on his feet, pacing around the room, unable to look at Steve.

Honestly, he wanted to punch Steve in the face. He turned and looked at him, jaw working, but no words coming out. "Pietro and Clint are the ones who really understand me better." he said finally, words slow as they tried to not come out.

"And I don't?" Steve snapped. Bucky stammered, unable to get what he wanted to say out. "Yeah, I get it." he said just that bitterly before he stormed out of the room.

With a slam, the door was shut and Bucky had to remind himself how to breathe. The bathroom door opened quietly and he heard the purposely loud footsteps, before Pietro's arms wrapped around him, his head resting against the back of his neck. Pietro didn't make him speak, let him think with the solid, silent reassurance of him.

It was nice.

"I should go talk to Stark." Bucky said after what felt like an eternity of silence. Pietro nodded, but didn't release his grip on Bucky.

"Why?"

Bucky shrugged as he gently eased Pietro's arms from around him. He turned to look at Pietro, smiling at him and leant down and pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead. "I think it might be good to talk to Stark. See if we can talk about Steve and things we might have in common," Bucky said. "What will you do?"

"I might talk to Clint. Maybe Bruce. Venture out and talk to more people." It was Pietro's turn to shrug. "Maybe. If I am up to it,"

"You do whatever you're comfortable with. Or try and go a little outside your comfort zone." Bucky suggested and Pietro smiled and damn, it was the best thing Bucky had ever seen. "I'll be back in a few hours, alright?"

"Alright." Pietro said quietly, leaning close and pressed a kiss to the corner of Bucky's mouth before he wasn't there.

Bucky smiled to himself before he left and made his way to where Tony would probably be: his lab.

The lab itself was pretty impressive; most, if not all, of the tower was impressive. Bucky never really thought about it, not really. But he had to admit it was a pretty nice place to live, with everything that they could ever wish for at the tips of their fingers.

Tony was in the lab, some safety glasses perched on his nose as music blasted from inside, it was muffled but Bucky was still able to hear the lyrics despite the thick door that was supposed to block it.

"Hey, Terminator," Tony said, not looking up when Bucky entered the lab. Bucky smiled slightly, but it felt like more of a grimace, so he stopped. He came to stand next to Tony at the table, looking at the weird coloured liquids in phials Tony was examining. "Bruce found these not-quite-liquids and wants me and J to see what they're made of. You interested in this kind of thing?" he asked, glancing over at the man.

Bucky nodded, and if Tony was surprised, he didn't show it, instead he moved so Bucky could have a better look at it.

The two continued to examine the things in front of them. It was nice instead of the snark they would usually throw at each other. Bucky thought that maybe Tony would see a side to him that no-one else had seen. It was a nice thought.

"Steve pissed at you?" Tony asked once he had the phials put away safely, leading Bucky out of the lab.

"Isn't he always?"

Tony smiled some kind of sad smile. "He loves you. It's admirable and maybe just that bit too cliché, but it's nice. When he gets pissed, it's cos he's worried - which you already know. He's a dramatic idiot with a ten mile pole shoved up his ass," Tony said and Bucky snorted, accepting the beer that Tony offered when they got into the kitchen. "Whatever he's pissed at you about will be brushed over and you'll sort things out and hug and shit."

Bucky looked over at him. "It's because ... sometimes, I find it difficult to talk to Steve about things. He kinda expects me to talk to him about everything, but I don't want to? I can't? And he gets pissed at me for it. Not the worst thing to be pissed about."

"But it still hurts that he gets angry about it." Tony said softly and Bucky nodded, a minute jerk of his head. "Like I said, he's a dramatic idiot. Once he's cooled his head he'll apologise to you. I'm pretty sure he only apologises to you."

"It's annoying. He expects me to bounce back from all of that ..."

"And you can't. I know. It sucks. But you'll get by. You've got that idiot speedster and your bro Clint and ew, that sounded weird I'm never saying that again,"

"What, the word 'bro'?"

"Yeah. Point being, you've got other people to talk to, so Steve shouldn't blow his cap whenever you talk to someone else," Tony said, then frowned. "Pun not intended."

Bucky smiled, pressing the beer to his lips.

"And how are things with you and Pietro? Aside from your unhealthy co-dependence."

"You're one to talk," Bucky muttered under his breath, but decided to let Tony know some things about his personal life. It was nice to share about these things to the people he trusted with his life. And surprisingly, Tony had become one of those people. Sure, they didn't really talk all that much, but it was still enough. Besides, Steve trusted him enough to go to bed with him, so that might be able to count for something. "We're good. He has nightmares sometimes, so do I. We manage to calm each other down, but it's hard sometimes."

"Nightmares suck ass." Tony said bluntly, taking a swig of his beer.

"Pietro's nice. It's weird," Bucky said, frowning slightly.

"How so?"

"He takes his time," Bucky said, looking over at Tony. "He's the fastest guy alive and he takes his time. You'd think with how slow the world is for him that he'd be quick about everything."

Tony shrugged his shoulder slightly, contemplating. "Maybe he thinks you're worth it?" he asked, rendering Bucky silent. "I've got _Mario Kart_ and I wanna play with someone who isn't Barton. Feel up to it?" Tony said and Bucky was thankful for the change of subject.

"Yeah."

 _Mario Kart_ was good.

Bucky destroyed Tony.

There were no friends when it came to _Mario Kart_. Especially Rainbow Road.

"I don't trust psychologists," Tony said after a while. "Well, I do. They're just - I don't wanna say _intimidating_ -"

"Just the idea of telling someone all your shit is a big deal?" Bucky suggested and Tony half smiled, nodding.

"After what happened to you, I think we all collectively started to distrust psychologists and all those things." Tony said and Bucky was grateful he was being honest with him.

Bucky threw a blue shell at Tony, destroying him. "Sucks balls, but so long as everyone is more alert, I guess it's alright," Bucky said as his character drove through the finish line.

"You're an asshole." Tony said as his character came seventh. "But yeah, it sucks the biggest of balls."

 

* * *

 

 

Bucky woke up, smiling when he came face to face with a load of fluffy white. He brushed it out of his face, nose twitching as it tickled his nose. Pietro made a little noise, nuzzling his face into Bucky's chest.

"You awake?" he asked softly, gently poking Pietro's side. He made a noise and Bucky felt him smile into his chest.

"Nyet," he said, the world muffled.

"Did you have any nightmares?" Bucky asked, metal finger drawing circles into Pietro's back. "You didn't wake me last night,"

"If I did, I cannot remember," Pietro answered, looking up at Bucky.  "I think I am starting to get better, I only get them once a week, yes?"

Bucky shook his head. "More often than not. I don't think you remember them really. You wake me up sometimes, but it's fine," he said and Pietro nodded before he curled back up against Bucky.

They both continued to lay there for a while, their thoughts loud. Bucky felt his shoulders relax as Pietro splayed his fingers over his ribs, tapping a pattern against his skin. The two were always so tensed up, unsure of what was going to come around the corner, or hiding from view. Eventually, the two had decided to get up and join the others that had made breakfast.

When they got there, they were greeted with some stares and some weird looks that were given between each other. Bucky felt Pietro shift just that little bit closer to him and he had the sudden urge to punch the others. Clint held out some food to them, pulling out some chairs to his right with his feet. The two rolled their eyes, but sat down, thanking Clint fro the food.

"Have a good night?" Clint asked casually, but the look on his face was mischievous.

"Living vicariously through us, old man?" Pietro retorted and Clint smiled, seeming as pleased as Bucky that Pietro was speaking more in front of the others.

"You wish." Clint said and Pietro smiled before he ate a spoonful of cornflakes.

Natasha was sat beside Wanda, talking to her in Sokovian. Pietro tried not to eavesdrop on their conversation, deciding he probably didn't want to know.

"I mean, Thor, if your Asgardian remedies could help, then it's always open to suggestion," Tony was saying as he entered the kitchen with Thor trailing behind him.

Bucky felt Pietro tense up beside him, and he looked over and placed his hand on Pietro's thigh, trying to help him calm down. It didn't seem to be working. He glanced over at Natasha and Wanda, whose eyes were on her brother, like they were silently communicating. For all Bucky knew, they might have been. He felt Natasha's eyes on him and looked at her. She raised her eyebrow minutely and Bucky's eyes went to Tony then back. She nodded, crossing her arms over her chest, eyes on Tony.

"Right, Pietro? Just have a few of Thor's remedy things and you'll be back on your feet in no time?" Tony suggested and Pietro looked at him before he vanished. Bucky sighed in unison with Wanda, who leant back in her chair, looking haggard. "Was it something I said?" he asked and Bucky pressed the tips of his thumb and forefinger against his eyes.

"Remember the last time we used those Asgardian potions?" Wanda asked and must have made a pointed looked at Bucky because he felt everyone else's eyes on him. "I do not think my brother would be too willing to use them after what we saw Bucky go through."

"It is Pietro's choice whether he would want to use the Asgardian potions or not. We cannot force him to have them if they make him uncomfortable." Thor said and Bucky mentally thanked him before he stood up, stretching his back.

"I'll go find him," he said to Wanda, who nodded and gave him a small smile before she turned back to Natasha and continued their Sokovian conversation.

He left the kitchen, but not before he grabbed some extra food for himself and Pietro. It really wasn't that difficult to find him; he was hidden away near the gym, in a little corner the two had found one time when they were walking around the Tower.

"I do not want to have those things." Pietro said when he had heard Bucky's purposely loud footsteps. He shuffled to the side and Bucky sat beside him. "I do not care if Stark is worried or not. I just ... I do not think I would be able to have them."

"It's fine," Bucky said, a not-quite smile on his face as Pietro grasped his hand between the little gap between them. "Tony's worried, but it's your choice on what you want to do that might help you."

Pietro made a noise that might have been a Sokovian mutter, but then he was resting his head on Bucky's shoulder. "Do you think we'll ever get over it?"

Bucky laughed softly, a quite breath of laughter. "No. I don't think you ever do. But you maybe begin to accept it happened and that it's there, but we'll learn to live with it, and not let it define us. We can't let it define us."

"I think your old age helps with your wisdom," Pietro said quietly, almost something Bucky didn't catch. But he did, and he smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of Pietro's head.

"I think we'll get through it." he said and Pietro squeezed his hand, thumb running over his knuckles.

"I am glad you are here with me, helping. It makes me feel less alone, I guess. When you run as fast as me, things can get lonely a lot," he said, sounding like it was taking a lot out of him to tell Bucky this. "When you are around, things become less lonely. It is nice."

Bucky smiled.

  

* * *

 

 

 

"Bucky, wake up," someone said, poking his side. He groaned and put his metal arm over his face. "Come on, please? It is our anniversary thing after all."

"Of course you'd be one for anniversaries," Bucky muttered, lifting his arm to see Pietro's grinning face.

"We have to do something because of it." he said and Bucky wondered how he was so awake at whatever o'clock in the morning it was. Knowing Pietro, it was probably about three in the morning.

Instead of answering, Bucky slung his arm around him and pulled him over him, almost laying on him as he turned over and pressed a kiss to Pietro's mouth, despite the laughter that was coming out of it. It was some way to shut him up, but probably wouldn't help in letting Bucky get some more sleep. Whatever, Bucky thought as he smiled at the sound of Pietro laughing, Pietro was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda shocked that this is the end of this story, wow. I hope all of you who have been here from the start have enjoyed it as well as those who have come along once it started.  
> I hope that I did it somewhat justice and that the ending is fairly good and nice because I never usually do that.  
> Thank you for being here and commenting and leaving kudos, it has been and will always be greatly appreciated.


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